Dear Hillary,
We know you like chocolates, but last year we took some chocolate candy and some of those strange jellied candies in little cups (and some real food) out to one of the children’s homes. None of the children wanted the chocolates and all wanted the jellied candy. Do Thais - especially the ladies - not have taste for chocolate? I thought all women loved chocolates. And if they do, where is a good place to buy quality boxed chocolates?
Chocoholic

Dear Chocoholic,
You should be able to smell out chocolate stores from 40 meters, Petal. However, I see you are from overseas, so I forgive you. Thailand has some of the best chocolate in the world, just remember to bring your wallet, Petal so you can afford them (and remember the champagne and extra chocolates for Ms. Hillary). Actually, whether Thais like chocolate depends upon where they come from. The Esarn peoples tend not to like sugary sweet things and chocolate is amongst that. By comparison, the southern Thais have a much sweeter tooth. Hillary? Well now, where do you get nice chocolates? It’s easy, you just pop down to the big supermarkets like a good boy and you will find quality boxed chocolates there. Wrap them securely, with a label addressed to Hillary, c/o the Pattaya Mail and I will get them. Thank you in advance, and also a big thank you for remembering the children less fortunate than ourselves.

Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF has begun getting drunk when she goes out with her GFs. They think it’s a joke, because she gets hopeless. I have told her to stop the drinking, but once she starts she cannot stop until she’s falling down drunk again. Is she an alcoholic, or what? Is there a clinic she can go to?
Ivan

Dear Ivan,
Your GF has a problem, which means that you have a problem as well. No easy way out of this, but see if you can discuss it with her when she’s sober. If she will admit to a problem she is halfway there towards getting over this problem. The major hospitals all have clinics for this very common problem. You didn’t say how long she has been like this, so make sure she’s not drinking because of you! But if she’s drinking champagne you should send it to me, c/o the Pattaya Mail office.

Dear Hillary,
Have you noticed all the work that has been done in our cities recently? I move around a lot with my job and the traffic is just hopeless everywhere these days, not just in Bangkok. In Chiang Mai there appears to be endless work going on tearing up the footpaths and putting them back down again. In Pattaya they tear up the whole road, lay concrete, produce instant traffic jams and then move on to the next road. In Jomtien they tore up the footpath, laid bricks, then built another footpath and then erected ornamental lights every five meters. Not satisfied with that, they then put in more lights, making more traffic snarls. The rebate for first time car buyers will have increased the traffic as well. Is this a national plot, or national madness?
Rote Dit Robby

Dear Rote Dit Robby,
I doubt if it is part of a national traffic scam, but it certainly is one way to cut down the road toll. Over New Year we became the hub of road tolls if you noticed, as well as everything else. Stationary cars don’t run over pedestrians. It also keeps the concrete industry very healthy, and the road construction business is having a boom time. You might have to find an alternative transport system. Have you considered investing in a helicopter?

Dear Hillary,
The other evening my husband of 30 years called me a bitch with no provocation from me at all. I decided to teach him a lesson, and slept in the spare room that night and now I am thinking of leaving him. He just laughs and shrugs it off when I ask him about it. What is your opinion, Hillary?
Extremely Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,
Perhaps if you bark at him again you will get the answer, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
I am 17 years old and have just arrived from Australia on a school tour. Your country is great. I was wondering if you think there would be any jobs in the bar and entertainment industry for someone like me? I have experience in bars and worked for a while in McDonalds after school. I have met a young lady here and I would like to stay here to go with her. Is this going to be easy, or should I look at something else?
Oz

Dear Oz,
You certainly did come down in the last shower, didn’t you, my Petal. Bar work is not for foreigners in this country, despite your experience in asking someone if they’d like some ‘fries to go with that’. I also think the romance will be a “to go” item too. Better luck next year, when the Wizard of Oz might be able to help you.