Dear Hillary,
I’ve been on my own for a while. I came over here after my wife left me in the UK. I’m no spring chicken, but the girls here didn’t seem to mind and seemed happy to just sit and chat, and I didn’t mind buying them some drinks as well. Problem is I’m getting lonely at home on my own, but I don’t want one of the girls from the bar I drink at thinking she can come to stay. Honestly I don’t have any need for sex at my age, but I do miss some company. Can you take one of the girls out to watch a movie or something and then take them back to the bar? I could have asked there, but I am a little too shy, I suppose.
George

Dear George,
In the area you are in, the bars, you are in the CBD (Central Bar District) and you are wondering just what is for sale or otherwise? Come on George, everything is for sale. Just tell the mamasan what you want and she will arrange a girl for you and tell you what it will cost. Yes, this is a financial arrangement we are talking about here, though she may enjoy the movies too. Especially if it is a Thai movie, complete with ghosts and lots of screaming. Hope you enjoy it.

Dear Hillary,
I had a big argue with my GF this morning and I walked out angry. I know that when I go home tonight she will still say she is in the right, just the same as she always does. Are all Thai women like this, Hillary, or have I got an ornery one?
Will

Dear Will,
Never mind Thai women, Petal, that’s all women. Which rock have you been hiding under all these years? We are always right. If you didn’t know before, then you do now. Better get used to it, Will. And apologize.

Dear Hillary,
I know lots of fellers have a girl on the side (mia noi), but what I want to know is how much do you pay for one of these? Don’t want to look stupid asking them, so I thought you might know, as you know everything else?
Billie

Dear Billie,
Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I don’t know everything (just most of everything). A Mia Noi is not a one night stand, Billie Bob (OMG, you’re not Billie Bob Thornton, are you)? No, you have to pay for her accommodation, living expenses, clothes, food, entertainment and more. Not a cheap exercise, Petal. It is the old adage - if you have to ask the price of anything, it means you can’t afford it!

Dear Hillary,
Seems people come to Thailand for some local ‘flavor’ but then want to change everything to suit their jolly old ‘wherever.’ Well, we like the culture and if you don’t there will be a plane waiting for you. Just sayin’. Thaiway or the highway, mate.
Jerry

Dear Jerry,
There does seem to be an unfortunate habit of westerners trying to change whatever place they live in into the place they used to live in. Forgetting all the time that they left the place they used to live in, because it had too many problems such as income tax, police, speed cameras and government regulations.

Hi Hillary,
Regarding buying houses in “her” name. Here I give my own Senf (mustard) to this hot and controversial topic, but slightly different. I also bought a little house in the bush for my holidays (never can live in Thailand). It only cost 100,000 baht, but now I spent 300,000 baht making it. Now suddenly my holiday baby says the house has changed owners and is now hers, and if I not send more money she is going to bring many men from Pattaya to visit. Well well, after that I gave her good fright. I told her that it is illegal that a farang buys a house 100 percent and the government can impound it. I also told her that I come with my army friends to stay there. Now she Text’s me frantically to find out what I do. Let her stew. May be Madam Hillary thinks we farang lost our mind somewhere. But I can put my mind for good use anywhere. I can even bulldoze the house and plant potatoes. Have a good day.
David

Dear David,
I don’t think you need to fire up the D9 dozer yet. There is always another way, especially in Thailand. Sure, foreigners cannot own land outright in their own names, but there are alternates, with leasehold agreements, tenancy agreements and all sorts of things that can be done - see a real estate chap or lawyer (but ask around for a good one). I did mention last week that the enquirer spend six months renting to see if this is really where you want to be in your old age. Don’t rush into anything, and don’t hitch your wagon to the first girl who says, “Hello sexy man.”