Dear Hillary,
I have lived in Thailand for five years, and your writings I am sure have made me avoid many pitfalls. Pity folks could not read your pieces many times before they land. Look forward every Friday to your column.
Dave.

Dear Dave,
You are indeed a nice man, and I do try to stop the lambs all rushing to the slaughter, with all the laughter from the go-go bars surrounding them. I have been tempted many times to make the column into a book form, and this has been suggested by a few of the readers, but I think it is too hard, or time consuming for me at this stage. But you never know, it could be the next Hairy Spotter.

Dear Hillary,
With PM Yingluck at the top I had hopes that the disgraceful sex trade that tarnishes Thailand’s international reputation would show signs of decline. Sadly this is not the case and thousands of vulnerable Thai, Cambodian, Lao and Vietnamese children are still being exploited for profit. Any chance you could give this issue some coverage please? With hope!
David

Dear David,
Thank you for putting me above PM Yingluck as far as dealing with social problems is concerned. However, I have no power or status to be able to correct much. I am happy to give you the space in my (generally) lighthearted column, but have to point out that the problem you are highlighting is not just a Thailand one. Take the ructions in the UK at present with media stars being arraigned. In any society where there are “rich” next to “poor”, there is always the possibility of the trade in sex, as what else do the poor have to trade with? There is also the fact that there is a demand from the rich side, with the supply coming from the poor. There have been the cases where foreigners have been charged with the offences in their own country, even though the offence might have been carried out in Thailand, for example. Far too deep for the Hillary column, David, but take heart from the fact that there are far more people coming to Thailand for holidays, than there are sex tourists, and particularly those exploiting underprivileged children.

Hi Hillary,
It takes you to put things in perspective for people that sometimes can be so oblivious to the most obvious things/situations. Yes, you’re darn right if you have to ask how much things cost you are probably cannot afford it. Mia Noi is a lucrative occupation for job seekers. There is no such thing as a fixed price for Mia Noi, just pay up. Love your column, you are always witty.
Your fan from the USA

Dear Fan from the USA,
Love your responses to my column, you are always so kind. Yes, being a Mia Noi is certainly a lucrative occupation, but it’s not all beer and skittles, my Petal. There are certain hazards to the job, such as an angry Mia Luang (number 1 wife), the need to be discreet, the fact that you have to be ready for the errant husband (the employer) who can call in at any time, so you have to be immaculately groomed 24 hours a day, and finally, there is no job security - you can be replaced at any time.

Dear Hillary,
I am not a Thai person, but I sure as hell would like a half Thai kid to raise. I think these half and half children grow up to be such handsome people. Only one problem, I don’t have a regular girlfriend who feels the same way. You interested in having a kid, Hillary? Just sign me,
Dad in Waiting

Dear D in W,
You have to be pulling my leg, Petal. Me have your child? Sorry, but I was spayed many years ago. So you’ve got this paternal urge, but you seem to forget it takes two to tango, and the breeding stock mare should be someone to guarantee a good line. This is also not something you do on a quiet Sunday afternoon, though as they say, “If you don’t copulate you won’t populate,” so Sunday afternoon might be the auspicious time. However, if you really would like to assist some Thai children, as a ‘parent’, then look at assisting in some of the orphanages as a volunteer. But cha-cha (go slowly) Petal. The upkeep of children is not easy, physically or financially.

Dear Hillary,
My Thai GF and I are expecting our first baby, and wondered if you could suggest a good hospital for us, this being the first baby and all.
Jason

Dear Jason,
What’s with all these babies this week? Has somebody been putting something in the water? Honestly, Petal, how would I know, having never given birth to anything in my life (that’s why I am all alone these days, with nobody sending me B. 5,000 each month). I am sure there are many hospitals you can choose from (and you didn’t say where you are living), so just pick two and visit and compare.