Dear Hillary,
A propos the legions of farang who get themselves into so much trouble with bar girls, I have an idea, but you (you dear old sage, you) must help. You see, my idea is that an agent be appointed to man every arrival gate in the country, where he/she will hand out free copies of your column’s archives, with sincere urgings to read same and be armed! Thirty years ago I was one of the new arrivals, and I painfully recall how much I didn’t know, and just how good so many of those girls are at parting a farang and his $$$, thus how helpful a good dose of “Hillary” may have helped. I avoided the problems, thankfully, and my Thai wife and I have been together for most of those 30 years (with 3 kids as evidence), but I had some luck with it all. Thousands of farang aren’t so fortunate, poor sods.
Jimbo

Dear Jimbo,
You have the makings of a wonderful idea there, but the execution of it is flawed. An agent at every arrival gate is a great idea, but they would need to be paid for their time, my Petal. I suggest B. 100 per person. Now, the next problem comes in “where he/she will hand out free copies of your column’s archives.” Jimbo, my pearls of wisdom cannot be handed out free, like a brochure for a condominium. I would need at least B. 500 (see, I’m not greedy) for each one. This then makes it an extra B. 600 for every farang entering the Kingdom, and is a cheap investment. But will they pay? Farang are known to leave common sense behind as the bar girls line up at the arrivals gate to tempt them. Think it through a bit more and get back to me, Jimbo! We can make money out of this, and help newbies at the same time. A win-win situation!

Dear Hillary,
A friend of mine from the UK has come over here and has fallen in love with the first girl he met. It may be love at first sight, but how many others have done the same thing and ended up broken hearted and fresh out of money? How do I get him to see sense, as he has a wife and children in the UK that he is prepared to run away from.
Charlie

Dear Charlie,
Love at first sight, or love at first bite? Not much you can do, Petal. He is an adult, and although it looks as if he is ready to do the proverbial runner, the Child Support Agency in the UK may have other plans for him, thereby cutting down the money he has to spend over here. That in turn might make the bar lady less enthusiastic. Remember “No money - No Honey” is the rule of the game. If that doesn’t work, refer him to Jimbo in the letter above yours.

Dear Hillary,
You have had a run of letters recently where the unsuspecting foreigners find out that their wives are having affairs, and then realize that they have been lied to for years. Now they don’t know where to turn to next. Are all Thai women like that? It would seem so. How do you see this, Hillary?
Jack

Dear Jack,
There are bad and good people all over the world. Being unfaithful is not something only Thai women are guilty of. Even the worst statistics which say that 60 percent of Thai women are unfaithful, that still means 40 percent are faithful. It is finding the 40 percent that is the hard part. Naturally if you look for that elusive 40 percent in the beer bars, you will be very lucky to find it. In fact, probably impossible. As I have said many times, Petal, you should not go looking for cheese in a stationary shop!

Dear Hillary,
We are coming over your way again, after five years away from Thailand. We have kept up to date of the happenings in Pattaya by reading the Pattaya Mail on line, and we always read your column first, Petal! I feel that there must have been many new restaurants in that time, so I was wondering if you could recommend a few we should try? We (my husband and I) would be very happy to host a dinner for you during our month’s holiday. We like most styles of cuisine, but am a little wary of too much spice these days.
Ann and George

Dear Ann and George,
Aren’t you just the nicest people, remembering that Hillary might like the odd something substantial to eat between the Belgian chocolates and the French champagne! However, I am not the one to advise you of the best places, but Miss Terry Diner, is the one to speak to. Just click on the Dining Out column when you are reading the Pattaya Mail on line and you will get the latest review, but at the end of that one you will get all the reviews for the past few months. Take your time, make a list and enjoy!