Dear Hillary;
So much talk about giving ladies money. I don’t give them money; let me explain: These bulls are on a hill overlooking a meadow full of lovely cows. A young bull says to the others “I’m going down and get me a cow!” Soon, another bull says, “Hey there is a lot of cows down there, I going too!” A young bull says to the old bull, “Aren’t you going down there?” The old bull answers “Nope, if you’re a good bull, they’ll bring it to you.” Lesson learned.
Regarding lady salaries. I was blasted by a ‘Thai Mark’ as well as Hillary. Uh, a ‘Thai mark’ is someone destined to be relieved of their money. See ‘mark’ in a definition for explanation. Also, perhaps ‘TM’ is a missing child who is mad at me. I have been here in Pville for 25 years and can’t keep track of all of em’. Hillary ol’ girl; I have been to the PM several times and have contributed to various columns ever since I first met Peter M 22 years ago. I still think you are the English lad there although you have slipped up and implied that you are indeed Thai. I am the guy who has a striking resemblance to Paul Newman. Champagne dreams and chocolate kisses to you-ol’ girl?
Singhajerry

Dear Singhajerry,
I can assure you, my Petal, I am not the “English lad there.” I can also assure you that I will not be dreaming about a Paul Newman, blue eyed lookalike. And as regards your bull story, I think it really is a load of “bull”. Get back to the 7-eleven footpath and the bottle of Singha, there’s a good chap!

Dear Hillary,
Nice young thing I see in the center, so I suggested we have lunch together next week. Chuffed that she accepted, especially as I must be twice her age. Since it is the first “date” if you like, would it be OK to take her to the center food court? I don’t feel like a slap up lunch if she might say “No” to any further lunches. What do you think, Hillary? You know the Thai woman’s mind, I don’t.
Jeff

Dear Jeff,
Just what do you want me to do, Petal? Hold your hand and wipe your bott-bott as well? Come on! You don’t need to be an Einstein to know that she would expect a little better than the Flying Vegetable restaurant from someone twice her age. You also come across as someone more than a little “keeniow” Jeff. But don’t let me put you off, go and have a lovely lunch and then take her to any bar beer with balloons. You’ll be amongst friends!

Dear Hillary,
Do you have any influence in City Hall? The situation with all these tour busses has now reached crazy Bangkok proportions. Sukhumvit Road was blocked with busses in both directions on Friday night. Then when they try and get round some of the corners in the small sois they bank up the traffic for blocks. If city hall thinks tourists like sitting for hours on a bus and going nowhere, they should try sitting in a bus with them. Wake up TAT as well.
A good idea will be to get rid of policeman at intersections who keep the traffic going in one direction for 10 minutes, by which time the cross traffic is getting really cross! The police would be better used keeping cars from clogging up the intersections. They must do something soon or Pattaya won’t be a tourist “hub” much longer.
George

Dear George,
I agree with you. The traffic is now getting really bad, and tourists will very soon get the word out that two days in Pattaya means 24 hours in a bus. Sorry but I haven’t got any influence in city hall or TAT, but get any of your Thai friends to speak to the people in power. That way the message might get to the top. Lots of luck!

Dear Hillary,
I read somewhere that all Thai girls want is to get their hands in your pockets, and once they have cleaned you out, that’s it. No money, No Honey as the T shirt says. Is this really true? I have met a few nice girls every time I’ve come over, and although I pay for everything when we’re out together, I think that’s natural. I pay for everything back home when I take out a woman, so what’s the difference?
Confused Chas

Dear Confused Chas,
The difference is you get more fun out of the relationship here, my Petal, or that’s what I get told by my gentlemen friends. It is nice to see there are still gentlemen in this world, and if you are paying, I’ll have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot when we go to dinner. Of course you can have what you want as well, I’m not stingy. Please let me know a week or so in advance, as I will have to fit you in to my crowded appointment book, though with promises of Veuve Clicquot you do go to the top of the waiting list.