Dear Hillary,
I went to a networking evening last night and ended up the night chatting to a very nice Thai woman. I tried to get her name but it was so noisy and I was a little under the weather by then and I think I forgot it. As I was driving I didn’t stay to the end but since then I haven’t got her out of my mind. All I remember is that she came from Bang Saray and she was with another woman who was American (I think). So what do I do from here to get her out of my mind?

Garry

Dear Garry,

I take it that you are looking for a lady, Petal. There are a few things you can do. You could always try walking the streets of Bang Saray hoping that you bump into her, but that could take a while. A better idea would be to go to the next networking night and don’t get quite as under the weather that you can’t remember the woman’s name! That is provided you can remember what she looks like! Lots of luck. It sounds as if you’ll need it.

Dear Hillary,

This sounds stupid but I am having trouble with my mobile phone when I try to reply to a message. I have big clumsy fingers and it takes me forever trying to type replies. Short of dictating my reply (and I haven’t got that technology) have you any answers?

Jeff

Dear Jeff,

I believe voice recognition technology is available in some top end smart phones, but there is a very easy way, which I call “Swipe” texting. This is a program that allows you slide your finger over the letters of the words and with predictive texting it will show you three options for your word. One of them will be the correct one. I had it put on my phone and it is wonderful. See your local phone dealer, they will be able to install it in your phone (unless it is a 1965 Motorola).

Dear Hillary,

Is it usual that when you ask a Thai girl for a date, she brings a friend with her? This has happened to me three times now, and I find it a bit off-putting. I mean when you invite a girl out you want to get to know her, not her friend. I find that she will then spend more time talking and giggling with the friend. That’s when she’s not looking at her phone and answering calls. As I said, I’ve done this three times now and I don’t think I’ll bother any more.

P Doff

Dear P Doff,

If you’re not going to bother any more, why are you writing emails to me, Petal? But if you’re still going to try, then you should start realizing that this is the way “good girls” date in Thailand. No, they are not going to sleep with you on the first date, or even the second or third, if they have brought along a chaperone. Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey! Learn to live with it, or go back to the bar.

Dear Hillary,

I enjoy your bits each week and the advice is right on. Somebody said you should get a raise from your editor and I reckon so too. You are doing a public service so you should get the top dollar. All the ones in the US like Oprah get big money, so should you. Keep up the good work.

Henry

Dear Henry,

Aren’t you just the nicest man! Comparing poor little Hillary with the mighty Oprah! However there are some differences between us, you know. She’s in America, for one! You worry me though, when you say you “enjoy my bits” each week. What “bits” are we talking about here? Some of my bits are never discussed here in the column. This is a family newspaper Hughie. As far as a raise is concerned, I’ll show your letter to the editor, but he’ll just laugh and say I made it up.

Dear Hillary,

I wanted a haircut so I went to my usual barbers the other day, to find it was closed. This was something new to me, so I drove around to see the next one, and it was closed as well. Asking around with my friends, I was told that all barbers close on Wednesdays. Can you tell me why they all want to shut on that day. I had to spend the rest of the afternoon in the pub instead. Is it a government rule or what? Just sign me Hairy.

Dear Hairy,

Aren’t you lucky, it was just the Bar-ber that was closed, and not the Bar-beer! Your friends were correct, the barbers close on Wednesday. It is not a government rule, but comes from the fact that we consider it to be bad luck to cut your hair on a Wednesday, so the clever barbers may as well close, rather than spread the bad luck. It is something like the old religious edict of “no meat on Fridays” overseas, which gave the butchers a holiday as well.