Dear Hillary,
(This letter came in Thai language, so I have translated it for you, gentle reader.) All the time the foreigner complains about Thai ladies from bar. Thai ladies have plenty complain about foreigner too. Come to bar, think they own everything, want boom-boom, but not want to pay lady. Now no customers so Mamasan say lady go home, but with what? No money to go home. No money to send to Mama, and foreigner think he now can do anything. Foreigner think not need pay. We need pay too.
Nok

Dear Nok,
(I replied in Thai language to her, but here is a shortened version of my reply in English.) I understand your problems, but unfortunately we all have problems from time to time, and especially right now in the low season. There are not enough rooms being filled in the hotels, so staff have to be laid off, and those staff are used to sending money home to Mama also. There’s no ‘easy money’ like there used to be. Just try to be the best in whatever job you choose, and you won’t get laid off.

Dear Hillary,
You’d think that these bar girls would realize that this is a very, very low season, so just like everyone else they have to be prepared to lower their prices. They may be gorgeous, but are they thick or something?
Eddie

Dear Eddie,
As well as being insulting, it shows that Nok (the letter above yours) does have a genuine complaint. “Lower their prices” for what, Eddie, my sweet petunia. Possibly for putting up with people like you, Eddie? Are you gorgeous?

Dear Hillary,
I have a Thai GF - I think. Took her home a couple of times and she was a good fun babe, but the next I know she’s on the doorstep with an overnight bag. I just let her move in, I suppose, and over the next week a bundle of outfits were in the wardrobe and make-up in the bathroom. I was saving money on bar fines, but then she needed money for this and that, and the food she eats, which nobody in their right mind could possible stomach. Next she’s saying she doesn’t want me going out at night, and wants more money, and now there’s the big pout if I do something I want to do which doesn’t involve her. With the World Cup coming up I want to watch the channels I want, not Thai soaps or ghost movies. What’s the next move, Hillary?
Joe

Dear Joe,
The next move depends upon whether you want her to stay, or go. To me, it looks like the relationship isn’t based on much other than a couple of sweaty nights rolling in the hay and a saving on bar fines. Not good enough for a lasting relationship, my Petal. Don’t lead her up the garden path any more. Time to be brave and tell her it’s over. A sweetener in the form of some folding money will help the smooth transition, so be prepared for that. Everything is possible in Pattaya - but it costs money, my Petal.

Dear Hillary,
I have a real problem, which I hope you can help me with. Even if you can’t, then just by publishing this letter it may help, because the people who are producing this problem do not seem to know it exists but I know they read your column! Let me explain, dear Hillary. Everyone I know around me seems to have no idea of what time is about. Meetings that are supposed to last for two hours drag on for three because the people in the meeting can’t get there on time. You make an appointment to go to lunch or dinner and the other person shows up an hour late. You go to an appointment and get there on time to find the person you are meeting hasn’t come back to the office yet because they were late for the earlier meeting they were going to. If I did precious little all day it would be fine, but I have plenty of things to do and sitting twiddling my thumbs isn’t one of them. What do you suggest Hillary?
Tempus Fugit

Dear Tempus Fugit,
You have my sympathies. Watches are cheap and plentiful in this country, but the ability to actually tell the time seems to have been lost by many of the locals. I used to have a friend who was woefully late everywhere. After putting up with his terminal tardiness I invited him to dinner at a restaurant at 7.30. When he had not shown up by 7.45 I ordered my meal and by the time he arrived, full of apologies as usual at 8.30, I had finished my meal. I left him the “Check Bin” and went home immediately. He has never been late since. What I suggest is that when appointments are made you stress the fact that you will be on time and will wait 15 minutes only - and do it! But lots of luck, Petal!