Dear Hillary,
I had always wondered why Thai people don’t trust each other. They will only use “family” as their staff, because I was told that only family would not steal. After spending many years in Thailand, I have begun to see just why Thais don’t trust Thais. Many of the people who write to you, Hillary, complain that their Thai GF or wife is having a relationship behind their back. There’s too many of these for it to be a one-off. Then there is the famous “gik” and every Thai woman has at least one of these friends with extra benefits on the go. They don’t trust each other, because all of them are untrustworthy. The only reason to employ “family” is because the person can lose face very quickly in the family circle, and they can’t escape from that.
Trusting Thomas

Dear Trusting Thomas,
I get the feeling that you are hurting somewhere, Petal. Time fixes everything, even though the time frame may be painful. You are right about the only people Thai people employ are “family”, but remember that “family” has a different meaning in Thai than in the West. Many times it can just mean someone from the same village, or even the same province.

Dear Hillary,
My husband and I have been reading your column for some years, even though we live in Canada these days. You do hand out some very wise advice, so I am hoping you can help me. We are both in our 50’s but feel we need to spice up our relationship after 30 years of marriage. So we are thinking about a holiday in Thailand where we could perhaps explore a little more than we could do at home! We live in a small country community, so confidentiality is of utmost importance. Some suggestions, Hillary?
Lucrezia (obviously not my real name)

Dear Not My Real Name,
Tread very warily, my Petal. That is a minefield you are looking at. Certainly there can be plenty of distractions here, if you look just a little, but are you and your husband ready for something that might change your lives? It is something you both have to discuss honestly and openly before even getting on the plane. Careful, careful, careful.

Dear Hillary,
I have a tip for the guy being ripped off by a Thai woman who has a few foreigners on a string. Choose a woman with different nationality. I tried hard with two different Thai women and lost a lot of money. I am happy now with a South Pacific woman. Wonderful women there. Fly to Fiji, they will take care of you and your happiness. No money required for the family. Be smart and try something different.
Vern

Dear Vern,
Unfortunately, the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. Relationships are never easy, and some different cultures make relationships even harder. Not many foreigners really understand their Thai partners, and it is probably the same with a Fijian lady, though I don’t know first hand anything about them, Petal.

Dear Hillary,
Why do so many of the guys who write to you want to paint the Thai women in a bad light? These bar girls sacrifice a lot to give their families a better life than they would otherwise have. I wonder if these foreigners are getting what they think is a rip off because they are treating the girl like dirt in the first place. What goes around comes around, as they say.
My own experience is that you can meet some great girls and fall in love with a lady from a bar. You can also be treated like a king and rest easy with the feeling that you have found a long term partner. I have been with my Thai wife for some years and have been incredibly happy, and have never felt that I have been ripped off.
My own experience of a former western wife was that she gave up work once we were married and expected to never have to work again. She took more money from me in a month than my Thai partner has taken in two years and when we split up, she took anything left. I will take my chances with a bar girl any day over a falang lady. With any woman you will have to pay, one way or another. The Thai way is cheaper in the long run, believe me, and all you guys out there, start thinking and stop whining. Start doing the right thing by the women you meet and you will get the rewards double or triple, believe me.
Roger

Dear Roger,
You are quite correct, my Petal, though you have to be a bit careful, in fact very careful, when selecting a girl from the bars as your life’s partner. You have to be sure that you are not being given the political promises. There are good reasons why you should be wary, but I am glad your situation looks as if it is working out for you, even though two years is not a long time.