Dear Hillary,
A couple of weeks back you had some guy wondering how to stop the Soi 6 vacuum cleaners who seemed to be able to clean out his wallet very easily. My advice is simple. Try going out with the idea of having 500 baht cash only on you... or 1000 and a ten baht coin on you for a return songthaew. Leave your credit, debit, and ATM cards locked in your safe. Don’t worry, in due course you will be the least popular farang on Soi 6. Perhaps then, rather than visiting with Soi 6 vacuum cleaners, you will put effort into finding a woman who could perhaps love you. This is if you are looking for “true love” actually of course, but I doubt you are.
Robert

Dear Robert
You certainly win the Scrooge McDuck award for this week. All good advice to get out of the “commercial” soi, but, pray tell, where do you get 10 baht songthaews around Soi 6, that is unless you are going from 6 to 6/1.

Dear Hillary,
‘Bashful Bob’ was wondering how to ask an educated Thai woman on a date. ‘Bashful Bob’ obviously works for a living and is a newbie which is just grand for him. Most likely he is even within ten years of her age which could make for an honest life together including perhaps family without dad being pushed around in a wheelchair himself someday. He has found a woman of education who works for a living, speaks English, and is courteous to him. To poor Bob I would say, I envy you, as you have found a beautiful bashful flower. Proceed slowly, be prepared to put your best foot forward with the young lady’s family and ask if you may come to her home sometime to meet her mother and father. Only then will you know if your suspicions that she is free are actual and she is really available. As you have pointed out, in Thai culture family is everything. If you are not a good fit with them your relationship will be complicated.
Rob

Dear Rob,
There are a few items you have forgotten in your very wise advice. You forgot to tell him to enquire about the family buffalo and how her brother is after the motorcycle accident. Also to ask if the family dines at the table or off the floor. If she does have a table and doesn’t have a buffalo or a brother, you will have discovered a real gem. In finishing, I have no buffalo or brother. Chocolates should be sent to the Pattaya Mail office clearly marked “For Hillary”.

Dear Hillary,
I have come over here on holiday from the UK and I am shocked by what I see here, going on night and day. I can put up with the endless beer bars with young women trying to get people to sit down and drink. I can put up with the fact there are gogo bars with women displaying their bodies as some sort of tourist attraction, but I cannot put up with the way old foreign men walk around with barely teenage Thai girls hanging on to their arm. They all have such smug looks on their faces with a ‘Look at me, aren’t I clever’ expression. Don’t they know, or doesn’t anybody tell them that they are just being taken for a ride? They’re not clever. It’s disgusting.
Mona from Manchester

Dear Mona from Manchester,
When you say “They all have such smug looks on their faces with a ‘Look at me, aren’t I clever’ expression” are you referring to the old foreign men, or the barely teenage girls, Petal? Honestly Mona, this can be applied to both of them. They are smiling because they have found themselves in a situation which is good for both of them. The young girls have found a financial ‘sponsor’, whilst the old foreign men have found themselves a gorgeous young companion who will take care of their every need (until the money runs out). They know what the name of the game is, Petal. So what is so wrong with it? It is a win-win situation, so no need to be shocked. Can the ‘man from Manchester’ get a deal like that back home in the UK? No, he’s more likely to get a moaner.

Dear Hillary,
You are always saying that we should be looking for a mate anywhere away from the bars, but what if we’re not looking for a mate for the rest of our lives? I’m here for a couple of years at max, and I don’t need a wife dragging round behind me all over the world, as I don’t know where my next assignment might be. All I need is home comforts while I’m here in Thailand, so surely the bar is the best place to find one? You have to agree.
Jim

Dear Jim,
So you are looking for a ‘comfort woman’, that’s fine, but, do not expect anything better than purchased comforts, and there is no reason to be ‘true’ in such an arrangement. These girls are very skilful at separating men from their money.