Dear Hillary,

I am a regular shopper at Central World Mall. In the last few weeks I have noticed that a new mannequin in one of the stores looks just like my deceased neighbor. I have passed this mannequin from many directions and the resemblance is uncanny. In every way - noose (sic), cheekbones, hair, etc. I can look at it from any angle. It looks like the neighbor I was friendly with. Even the clothes that the mannequin was wearing is the kind of lightweight windbreaker jacket my neighbor would wear. It is unbelievable that this mannequin looks so much like my neighbor. Is it possible to contact the Central World Mall management to propose to buy this mannequin (after its use) so I may present it to my neighbor’s family? They would think this would be a very sentimental gesture. I think his co-workers would also like to have him remembered, so having him there would be good, therapeutic behavior for all. I was told to write to your column Heart to Heart with Hillary since you have such good reputation, after I inquired about buying this mannequin from the sales lady. (Very courteous, I might add.) I feel miscommunicated. They do not want to see me at all. One security guard even suggested that I might meet the same karma as the Men in Black General in 2010. He got a severe headache I was told. No further info given. But the Sales Lady was very helpful with my socks purchase. I got one pair in wool with small cute reindeers. Please Hillary, advise?
Ted

Dear Ted,
Are you asking my advice about the woolly socks and reindeers? Personally, I would imagine woolly socks to be a bit hot in this country, though the reindeers are a cooling influence I should imagine. Have you tried polyester and cotton mix? Much more suited to our tropical climate. The other mannequin problem. I believe I know what is happening here. The mannequin that looks exactly like your neighbor, is your neighbor, but he has been embalmed so that there is no decay. He is on loan to Central World (although they will deny it of course). You will find that after the sock promotion is over, the mannequin will be sent back to your neighbors.

Dear Hillary,
Reportedly, women bathing nude are healthier and wealthier than their prudish peer group.
Don

Dear Don,
I would be very interested to find where you got these amazing reports. And what kind of bathing were they looking at? Sun bathing? Home bathtubs? Japanese hot tubs? Jacuzzi? I have also asked my friends and they all say that they take their clothes off to bathe. Was this what you meant?

Dear Hillary,
There must be a way to see the difference between your “good” girls and the “bad” girls - the bar girls that we’ve all met and enjoyed their company. Your “good” girls look like more trouble than they are worth to be honest. Dinner only with a girlfriend along as well. Parents who don’t trust any farang. All come from families that have more money than me. Why bother? Both of them ending up cleaning your wallet as far as I can see. What about it, Hills?
Johnny

Dear Johnny,
Seems to me that you are lonely, my Petal. And if that is your reason for going looking, then the professionals know how to keep a man happy in a short time. You don’t have to worry about keeping them happy. But if you are looking at a long time companion, and judging by the cries of woe that I get weekly from problems with the professionals, then you are better off staying away from the ladies of the night and looking for someone who has a regular job, no buffaloes and no brother with a motorcycle. So you’ve got two women to dinner, not one. The friend might be even better looking than the first one! You never know your luck in a big city.

Dear Hillary,
There is a shopping center very close to my office. There is a very pretty young girl in one of them and she always gives me a big smile. Lately she has been giving me a shy little wave as well. I would like to know a bit more about her, but how do I do it, Hillary?
Ron

Dear Ron,
Does RON stand for Run Over Now, or what? Ron, you are not going to be able to find out anything about your boutique girl from outside sources. There is no Hot Line for this kind of problem. The girl is doing one of two things - either she is interested in you, OR she wants to get you over to sell you some of her merchandise. How do you find out? It is easy, my Petal. Next time she waves, walk over to her little stand and say, “Hi, How long have you been in this shopping center?” or something equally as easy as an ice-breaker. You will soon see if she is interested in you, or what you’ve got in your pants - not that! Your wallet!