Dear Hillary,

I lived in Loei, Issan for two years and I know how hard the people have to work for their daily rice. Their young people come to the big city to make money and send half back to their family. The girls who come to Pattaya go to the bars where they join the world’s oldest profession. If they get a job in a factory or shop the wage is THB 300 for one day. In Britain, the minimum wage is THB 300 for one hour. The bar girl naturally would like as much as she can get from the Farang. If he gives her too much money or gold, that is his fault, not hers. As to Robert’s derogatory remarks about my education, I know the difference between massacre and genocide. He does not. I hate what the British Empire was, but it subjugate people to make them workers or slaves, it did not annihilate them. Since he prefers German, he should read “Mein Kampf” by Adolf Hitler and educate himself as to what Genocide means. All I can say to him is “G’Dai Mite, Austraaaalia is a long wai awai.” Hillary, my love, Scotland has waited for independence for 300 years. We can wait a little longer.
Don

Dear Don,
Thank you for the “my love”, nobody has called me that for so long, my Petal. While I do agree with you in the main, you can’t really compare earnings in Thailand with earnings in Britain. The cost of living there (or Australia) is sky high compared to here, you must agree, so they need much higher wages. There is also the fact that the Pattaya bar ladies are making a lot more than THB 300 an hour, I am told. Inflation has set in financially, as well as in the superstructures (God bless the inventor of silicone)! Genocide is a ticklish subject, especially for this column, and I am sorry to remind everyone that the British settlers in Australia (sorry Austraaaalia) did a cracking job with the aboriginals in Tasmania, did they not?

Dear Hillary,
We have been discussing in our 7-11 conference area just how the price of everything has gone up. Not so much on the groceries side (as we can always cut down on the meat and veg and eat more rice) but on the fun parts of life, which was why we all came here. The COL (Cost Of Loving) index has far outstripped the increase in bread and petrol prices. What can we do about this, Hillary?
George and the lads out front 7-11

Dear George and the lads,
I’m not really into economics that much, I’m sorry to say, but I think the reason for the increased prices must be that the Pattaya ladies must use a lot of petrol and eat a lot of toast.

Dear Hillary,
I sympathize with you, as I too have had a life-long battle with my addiction to chocolate. I went through hell as a teenager with pimples every day, but I had to keep nibbling the chocolates. I didn’t care. These days I need a Mars bar every day or I can get the withdrawals. What do you do about the cravings?
Chas Chokkie
Dear Chas Chokkie,
You have me all wrong, Petal. I am not addicted to chocolate, I just like chocolate. I don’t need chocolate every day, and the chocolates (and champagne) have been pretty sparse recently anyway. If I was feeding your addiction, I’d be in very bad withdrawals by now. Seriously though, I think you should talk to your doctor about this. You might have sugar or something.

Dear Hillary,
About a year ago I set up home with a Thai girl, who is many years my junior. Her family comes from the north east and I have been up there and met them, and they seemed nice enough farming folks. They accepted me quite readily, but I always felt a little left out at the family gatherings as they can only speak Thai and my girl had to translate all the time. (They also drink that awful Lao khao stuff!) For this reason, I have not been back up there, though my girl does go up frequently. Is this the usual way families behave in this country? If it is, I will say nothing, but she will often go back for two or three days, the last being the end of Buddhist Lent. Have I anything to worry about?
The Worrier

Dear Worrier,
You may have lots to worry about, or nothing at all. Are you worrying because you think she is not going back to the family rice paddy? I am having to try and read between the lines too much here. It is very usual for daughters to go home and pay respects to their family, and contribute financially as well. Does your lady have children there that are being looked after by her Mama? Honestly, Petal, it sounds very normal to me. Talk to your friends who have been married to a Thai girl for some time. You’ll find it is the norm in this country.