Dear Hillary,

I need some advice here. My Thai GF (fairly recent) wants a motorcycle and I have no objection to that, as long as she wears a helmet. The problem is she wants to buy a motorcycle, instead of renting as I suggest. I understand a Thai person wanting something that has a value, but I’m not really ready to lash out for a motorcycle, and I wonder if I am being set up?
Valentino
Dear Valentino,
It isn’t every day I get a letter from a famous person like Valentino Rossi. You are THE Valentino Rossi, aren’t you, my Petal? Now getting real about your problem, honestly it isn’t a problem. I can understand you not wanting to spend around 40 thousand since you are unsure about the relationship, but here is the answer - buy the motorcycle on installments and put it in your name. No big spend, a few thousand baht a month and you keep control over the whole thing. There you are. Done and dusted!

Dear Hillary,
How do you go about transferring some money to a girl in Thailand that I met on my holidays? Not much, but just a little amount that I would like to send to her each month, to make life a little easier for her in the bar, and not to forget me. Are the money exchange places reliable?
Ern
Dear Ern,
My initial advice is to lock up your wallet and change your email address. Ern, my Petal, why give away the money you “earn” (couldn’t resist that one). You met her on your holidays and obviously it was a financial transaction then, and to continue across the oceans will take more money, and then more money, and then even more money. Put something aside each week for your next holidays and spend it with her, or others like her. Don’t even start, Ern!

Dear Hillary,
I met Noi some 12 years ago. She had worked in Bangkok’s rag trade for 23 years but after making a claim on her employer’s insurance policy she was laid off. Moving on to Pattaya as she was past the used by date and not overly attractive, so she could only find work on day shift in a bar. I met Noi one afternoon when she remarked on the two lines ironed on my sleeves and offered to do my ironing. I put her on the pay roll and we have been together for over 12 years. As I am in my twilight years and semi invalided Noi has nursed me, bathed me and does all the chores associated with a marriage. I find it impossible to take the bar out of Noi, because it was never there.
Arnie
Dear Arnie,
Thank you for telling me your wonderful story, and you certainly found a real gem in your Noi. Looks aren’t everything, it is the “jai dee” (good heart) that is important, and you don’t find it in a bar too often. As you say, you didn’t have to take the bar out of Noi “because it was never there.” I hope your health is better.

Dear Hillary,
I can’t believe it’s 2014 already. It seems like it’s just 2001, because that’s when I met my sweetheart, and even though you don’t like it, I found her in a bar and we’re still together 13 years later. We got married after a couple of years of living together, because I wanted her to get anything here after I die. I’ve taken everything out of the UK, where my first family lives. They’ve never done anything for me over the years, so I’m quite sure I’m not leaving them anything now. My Thai wife looks after me so well, it’s the least I can do is to look after her. Before I go to sleep she makes sure I’ve got water, gives me a back massage and sits there till I fall asleep. In the morning she’s already got the breakfast going before I get up. What western woman would do all that? None. I know there’s a risk with girls from the bar business, but I’ve got no complaints with mine. She wasn’t the best looking one, but inside she’s a little diamond.
Henry
Dear Henry,
I am so glad you are a Happy Henry, and you are correct in that there are some little diamonds that can be found behind the bar. Unfortunately there’s a few cubic zirconias as well, so you have to be careful, which you were, waiting a couple of years before you got married. I cannot really comment on your family in the UK, Petal. They probably felt that you deserted them, while you think they’ve done nothing for you. Might be six of one and half a dozen of the other, I think. Whatever, they are still your family and you should keep in touch if nothing else. Enjoy your life with your wife, and do thank the spirits for the lucky choice.