Crazy about the language

Dear Sir,
In Vol. IV No. 35 of Pattaya Mail (30th August edition), under ‘Grapevine’, how true that English Language is crazy. But one should remember that it is historically termed, Old English or Anglo-Saxon (until 1150), Middle English (to 1450) and Modern English to present date. Throughout the years, words and phrases have been introduced from other countries. This may be why many words do not follow rhyme of reason.
I do not know who wrote the following, but it supports, ‘Heard at a Bar’.
THE ENGLISH PLURALS..... WHY SO HARD?
We’ll begin with a BOX and the plural is BOXES;
But the plural of OX should be oxen, not OXES.
Then one fowl is GOOSE, but two are called GEESE;
Yet the plural of MOOSE is just MOOSE and not MEESE.
You may find a lone MOUSE or a number of MICE;
But the plural of HOUSES is not HICE.
The COW in the plural may be COWS or KINE;
But the plural of VOWS is vows and not VINE.
And I speak of a FOOT and you show me your FEET;
Then I hand you a BOOT ....could the plural be BEET?
If one is a TOOTH and a whole set are TEETH;
Why shouldn’t the plural of BOOTH be BEETH?
If the singular of THIS and the plural is THESE;
Should the plural of KISS be KESE?
Then one may be THAT and three may be THOSE;
Yet the plural of HAT could never be HOSE!
WE speak of a BROTHER and also BRETHREN;
Although we say MOTHER, we never say METHREN.
The masculine pronouns are HE, HIS and HIM;
But imagine the feminine SHE, SHIS and SHIM.
Thus this English, I think you will agree
Is the trickiest language you ever did see!
The Thai language is not any easier for a foreigner to speak fluently....but that is another story. In the mean time, I hope that, ‘an outsider looking in’ (16th August edition) does not whinge again over what you print. Personally, I enjoy the variety and uniqueness that Pattaya Mail offers readers.
PS. An example of the Thai Soundboard..... just for fun.
A man in a bar spoke to a girl sitting next to him, asking if she spoke English. First she looked ‘hammer’ (coyly) at him, then answered, ‘Not a pine-apple (terribly). Just snake-snake-fish-fish (not well)’. He wasn’t ‘white eyed’(a coward) and asked her to go out with him. She told him that her father owned a saw mill and the night before it had caught fire. Her father asked the workers, ‘Fai mai mai mai mai?’ (The fire didn’t start again?). The answer was ‘Fai mai mai mai mai.’ (No, the fire didn’t begin again). Then the father ‘play work’ (scolded them roundly) with the mill hands and ‘play body’ (played hard to convince) with a customer. She went on to say that her ‘Ya (paternal grandmother) was getting old and did some queer things, such as taking her ‘ya’ (medicine) sitting on the ‘ya’ (grass).
The man asked if every one spoke the same language in Thailand. The girl told him when addressing royalty, the language was different and she gave him an example: A royal page was told to go to a princess and ask, ‘Seded hi ma toon seded, seded ja seded reu mai seded? Ta seded ja seded, seded ja seded duay.(An older royal relative sent me to ask you if you are going or not. If you are going, your older royal relative will go too.)
They then went to the market to buy some eggs and asked a woman ‘Krai kai kai gai? (Who sells chicken eggs?) The woman pointed to another woman and said, ‘Chan kai kao kao, kao kai kai gai.’ (I sell white rice, she sells chicken eggs.)
Thus it is important that the tones are correct or you may be asking your maid to bring out several tigers to sit on when eating your ‘Flyed Lice and Foot Salad’. And when you go to the hair dresser, have care when you ask for a dud (cut) or your might get a dud (permanent wave.)
(Mai-ben-arai)
Sincerely,
Jean Suchandsa
Chiang Mai

Matters Arising

Dear Sir:
Rather more of interest in the “mail’ this week, but still a bit thin for the price!
Pattaya’s Roads. Yes, we know! Other prize Sois are Nos. 14 and 15, the former having a high class hotel entrance on it. Also look again at the south end of Beach Road, now reverted to the likeness of a farm track; the expensive re-surfacing of Central Road, now in tatters; the work still in progress on North Road, already coming apart near the air-con bus terminal. An interview with someone high up in City Hall, by a reporter with the determination to get some answers, is well overdue.
Walk in the water. Not if you can avoid it, and certainly not if you see it coming up through a drain cover rather than going down into it - and certainly not if it is black and slimy! Just five yards of this put me in hospital with a virulent form of foot poisoning in 1993. Be warned!
Safe Pattaya? I don’t believe it! What did this survey take into account? Not the simple daily things like crossing Second Road, or the use of a motor-bike taxi, or being attacked by a drunk in a bar, or being in another bar when four shots rang out, just outside, marking the end of the life of the bar owner. Nor will we be much comforted by the adjacent report “Flying construction materials cause damage to homes”.
Bangkok Airport Taxi Rules. Well ventilated, but nothing gets done. No report, ever, on the situation at Ekamai bus terminal, to which many from Pattaya are likely to travel. Taxi-Meters, yes; use meter, no. Instead, ‘where you go, Mister?’ and a high fare quoted; protest and it is ‘maybe too much traffic’. Go outside on to Sukhumvit Road, walk to a little temple near the terminal, and wave one down on the move. You are very likely to get a civilised driver- there are many, but reports of them are rare - and one who will use his meter even it he grumbles a bit.
King Chulalongkorn the Great. Delighted to see this tribute to Siam’s great King! He gave his people so much more than can be set out in a brief piece-electric lighting, sensible currency, and so much more, but the claim that he gave the first railroad is incorrect, even though he did instigate the first lines of the State system. Before that was the short Pak Nam Railway, one end near the present terminal of the State Railway, the other at Pak Nam Railway, on the river mouth. This was built with Danish and Belgian capital and was German managed. Although not ‘his’, the King did carry out the opening ceremony in 1893. In 1876 he is believed to have received, as a ‘diplomatic gift’ from the King of the Belgians, the two first steam railway locomotives ever to reach the Kingdom. These, with supporting equipment, were intended to be for use on a garden railway.
Alois X. Fassbind. ‘Mr. Pattaya?’ Who sez? Few of us have ever seen him, and the average visitor does not even hear of him. Even ‘that’ hotel on its cliff-top allegedly avoids the use of the name Pattaya in its address, preferring to claim to be in Jomtien. Sorry, Mr. Fassbind!!
Dolf Riks ran a fine restaurant, but his verbiage is becoming a bore. Hillary has been one from the start.
Yours sincerely,
John D. Blyth.

Disappointed in Pattaya’s progress

Dear Sir;
Reluctantly, but at the insistence of visiting friends, I came to Pattaya for three days recently, and was surprised at the way things have ‘improved’.
How enterprising of the City Fathers to ensure that we are reminded of Pattaya’s proximity to water by failing to provide drainage on Beach Road! A simple and inexpensive idea.
And how refreshing it was to see the hawkers being chased of Jomtien Beach. Just like the old days, the proprietors of the restaurants and hotels there being unwilling to face competition and (I have no doubt) wishing for a free hand to capture custom for their costly services.
I was deeply moved by the faith of visitors in the nugatory protection of the beach umbrellas, knowing that at this time of greatly increased risk of melanomas, the beach authorities know best what is good for us all. (People now do not delight in the finer facts of life. For example: the pleasure of sitting under a substantial rice-grass shelter, with a Sang Thip laced not coffee so as to watch the play of lightning and hear the swish of rain. So much better for us all, it is decreed, that we should rush for shelter in the above-mentioned gin-palaces).
And how much better it is to enjoy the motorbike traffic behind us than to be ‘disturbed’ by the energetic youths playing beach volleyball, now apparently completely disallowed.
And best of all, I am sure you will agree, the appearance of a Flying Machine of repellent aspect, inadequate power-to-weight ratio and emitting ear-splitting noise! The improvement here being that in the event of inexpert piloting or mechanical failure the thing will be capable of maiming or killing several bathers at a time instead of a mere one or two, as the jet-skis have been proven to do.
Nice one, Pattaya: Keep up the good non-work. I’ll not be back too soon
Yours, removed from the scene,
Michael Doland

Tracy’s good-bye

Dear Editor,
I am writing to thank the Pattaya Mail for its support of health and fitness over the past year.
I will be leaving my position as Club Manager at the Dusit Resort Sports and Fitness Club to return to Australia and would also like to thank your readers for their positive feedback and interest in my fitness column.
I have enjoyed my time here in Pattaya and will always be grateful to the residents of this city who showed faith in me and my company and supported the Club at Dusit.
A commitment to fitness is a positive step and I praise all readers who have taken that step. I encourage you to stick with it and strive toward your goals. Happy Training!
Tracy Willis.

Property prices levelling?

Dear Sir,
The wedge appears to have been driven further into the crack in the price of land in Thailand. In the property sub-section of the business section of the Bangkok Post, Friday, October 18th are listed five property developers who are in enough money trouble to be forced to unload some of their land at fire sale prices. Is that good news or not?
Maybe the economy of this country is rolling back to an even keel.
An outsider looking in

Crazy about the language

Matters Arising

Disappointed in Pattaya’s progress

Tracy’s good-bye

Property prices levelling?