Check out shock
A regular disabled Canadian tourist was shocked when he checked out from a local hotel last weekend and was presented with a extras bill of over 10,000 baht. He told the hotel when arriving that it was OK to admit his Thai girlfriend and give her the room key. During his two week stay the girl had run up a phone bill of 6000 baht for overseas calls including many European countries, obviously to old boyfriends, and meals including Black Label for her friends of over 4000 baht. The distraught tourist told Winebibber, ‘I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way. Just think if I had no money left I would probably end up in the local monkey house.’
Seen on local menu’s
Chicken sodded in gravy
Crap on rice (crab)
Cock & fungus soup (Chicken & mushroom)
In our restaurant you can use the pubic phone
Jokes of the week
A mamasam was telling a bar girl, ‘You see that man over there, he cheated me out of a fortune.’ ‘Why?’ asked the gum chewing bargirl. ‘Because he refused to be my son-in-law.’
Two girls talking - ‘Do you know what makes a man happy?’ ‘No I don’t.’ ‘Very easy. Just install a television in the bedroom.’
A zoo keeper told a lady you must not feed the ostrich, they see badly and swallow everything that they are being fed. ‘You don’t say,’ replied the lady. ‘They are like the perfect husband.’
Friday Blues
The latest warning from Phnom Penh is not to get sick on a Friday. Apparently, more people die in hospital on that day than any other. A foreign visitor was told, ‘Well the cleaning staff have to turn off the life support machines on Friday to vacuum the floors.’
Breast humour
The latest tee-shirts in town are saying, ‘No-one is ugly after two in the morning.’ ‘Awfully pretty but pretty awful.’ ‘I’ve never been to bed with an ugly girl, but I’ve woken up with many.’ ‘Gay power is cheaper than north sea gas.’ And finally a 60 year old beggar plying the bars with the message, ‘I’m to sexy for this tee-shirt.’
M&S in Pattaya ?
Hot off the business grapevine is the news that UK based Marks & Spencer’s are actively looking for a Pattaya location. Lets hope there’s more to it than jars of jam and endless shelves of potato chips. M&S are excellent quality but don’t expect any bargains. For the price of a cauliflower cheese and two sandwiches, you could probably have a night out on the town with a chance encounter thrown in.
You and the decibel
The half completed hotel and condo block in South Pattaya, just off the Beach Road strip, adjoins what are surely the noisiest bars in the resort. Expect to find ear mufflers next to the sweety on your pillow.
Puffing Billy
Pattaya is a well known hotbed of railway enthusiasts. Improve the Bangkok to Pattaya service and the resort will experience a Blackpool boom as in the 1940’s. However, a recent book by E.J. Smith, tantalisingly called, Contra-actual Analysis, argues that Europe’s industrial revolution owed nothing to railways and they may even have slowed it down. Oh, well, another tin god bites the dust.
Child Sex
Not aware of recent police crackdowns and attendant publicity, a group of British gutter journalists recently arrived in Pattaya, surely after the news media flocked into Bangkok for the British Queen’s visit, for yet another expose of under age activity in the resort. Trailing fruitlessly around the bygone haunts, they came up with the statement, ‘There’s a junior school, with boys and girls as young as six, only a stone’s throw away from Pattaya’s seediest red light district.’ Maybe they should return home and check out the Sheffield area.