Dear Hillary,
My husband is quite dependable, and I love him dearly, but during the five years we have been married, he’s never once complimented me. When I ask him how I look, he merely says, “You look fine.” Our sex life is awful. We make love only twice a month, and I always have to be the initiator. I’ve spent half a decade talking, crying, and begging, but my efforts have been in vain. What do you suggest?
Miserable.
Dear miserable,
Your husband is selfish-physically and emotionally- yet you claim to love him dearly. I wonder why you have failed to write anything positive about him! Are you on the same intellectual and spiritual wavelength? Does he make you laugh? Is he considerate? Do you share common goals? If, in spite of your mate’s chilliness, you can honestly answer yes to every one of these questions, your marriage is worth saving. You must find a way to make him understand how severely his insensitivity hurts you, and since five years worth of crying and begging haven’t penetrated his cement skull, I think you need to enlist the help of a therapist.

Dear Hillary,
While we were growing up, my sister and I had little contact with our biological father, a convicted drug dealer. We were brought up by my stepfather, a very loving man (he is a Farang), and he made it possible to make my mother, my sister and me very happy and also to give us a very good education.
Five years ago, on my eighteenth birthday, our biological father called to ask if he could visit me, and I reluctantly said okay. A few days later, he arrived at my apartment drunk, accused my mother of brainwashing me into hating him, and demanded that I stop referring to my stepfather as Dad. That encounter was so horrible, I haven’t spoken to him since.
Now I am married and pregnant with my first child, and I have heard he’s been released from prison (again) and is telling everyone in our small town near Pattaya that he’s rehabilitated and thrilled about becoming a grandpa. Give me a break! This man is a stranger to me! If he dropped dead today, I wouldn’t shed a tear. He’ll never know my child! Am I wrong for wanting my biological father to stay out of my life?
Ashamed.
Dear ashamed,
Wanting nothing to do with this self-destructing ex-con is neither right nor wrong but understandable. After all, he hasn’t played a significant role in your life for twenty-three years. Hostility and hatred, however, are toxic emotions, so you mustn’t let them fester inside you.
Simply dismiss all thoughts of your biological father. I doubt you’ll ever love him or allow your child to call him Grandpa, but someday, if he demonstrates that he’s been rehabilitated, please try to forgive him. You’ll be a happier person.