Christmas is coming
The Festive season has arrived early in Pattaya. Eating houses are already hoarding potatoes for the roast dinners as prices skyrocket in the markets. The more enterprising bars even now are adorning their doorways with welcoming banners. Amongst those already on display are ‘Happy Easter’, ‘Welcome U.S. Navy 1985’, and ‘Father Christmas drinks here 24 hours a day’, not to mention those from last year which still have been posted throughout the year and are ready for a clean up for this year’s holiday season.
What’s in a name
The most adventurously named bar in Pattaya has got to be the Dog’s Bollocks in Soi Yamoto. However, reports from Angeles City in the Philippines say the enterprising Aussie has christened his new ale house Rip off 2. When asked why he had chosen the name, the owner replied, ‘Well, I lost a pile of money in Rip off 1.’
Actual classified ads (Seen in newspapers)
2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetising forms.
Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
Great Dames for sale.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
No Go Hospital
You should always check out the small print in your medical policy. A Farang was recently infuriated to find his European insurance company would not meet the bill because treatment had occurred at a ‘Non-designated establishment’. The best advice is always to carry your membership card and make sure clearance is sought before all your teeth are yanked out.
Festive Fever
Last Sunday, Loy Krathong, saw one drunk talking to another in an empty bar. ‘Are you enjoying it?’ asked one. ‘Nawh’, replied the other, ‘My evening has been ruined by all these bl***y boats.’ An hour later he was arrested by Pattaya’s finest attempting to throw buckets of water on passers-by. Come back in April, matey.
The Russians are coming
A Moscow couple, a bit weak on the language front, joined crowds wandering round Big C eyeing everything and buying nothing. Picking up a can of ‘Raid’, a locally made insect repellent, the wife commented to the shelf filler that she didn’t think much of Thai perfumes. Arriving at the candle section, she picked out the biggest candle she could find and asked, ‘Why do I need this one?’ The weary salesgirl replied, ‘Madam, it is best to ask your husband’.
Foreign Exchange Scam
A Brit on vacation was overjoyed to see the published rate of 42.3 for his travellers cheques in a Beach Road money exchange. He was asked to sign the receipt before obtaining the cash. Leaving the shop, he noticed that the actual rate was 41.0 exclusive of service charges. Going back to complain, he was told the UK pound was sick since the published rate was displayed. Gotcha!
Trencherman’s Guide
The best value haunte cuisine at present is Bruno’s, in North Pattaya opp. Regent Marine Hotel. The set menu is 200 baht ++, but its standing room only most nights. Absolutely the biggest breakfast in town is at the Old Dutch opp. Royal Garden Plaza and The Rising Sun, Soi Yamato, if you ask for number three. Alternatively, you can join the street kitchens in South Road opp. 7/11 store, for noodles and fresh fish. No double pricing for Farangs and most dishes are 20 baht.