Police Blotter
A farang, wanted by the immigration police for working without a permit, was being chased down Sukhumvit Highway. His brand new Suzuki van soon outstripped the aging police vehicle, and the officers pulled over into a snack bar for refreshments. The farang, returning home in triumph two hours later, was shocked to be arrested at his front gate by the very same policemen. The sergeant said, “We just wrote down your telephone number painted on the back of the van”. Weight watchers
A tourist was tucking into an English breakfast on Second Road. “I’m too fat,” he told his Thai girlfriend. “I should be at least six feet to weigh 90 kilos.” His companion replied, “Don’t worry, I will pray that you get taller very soon.”
Upgrade advice
A passenger wrote a letter of complaint to British Airways after a disturbing flight. The reply stated, “We would point out that only in the most serious circumstances, such as a fatal heart attack, would an economy class passenger be moved in flight to first class.” Now you know how to get an upgrade.
Age of consent
Now that the law will impose prison on anyone having sex with a Thai aged 17 and a half, expect the jails to fill up. Actually, probably not. The latest rumor is that the minimum age for go-go dancers may be raised to 21. At this rate, you won’t be able to distinguish the customers from the staff.
Festive ideas
Try to avoid the latest special offer notices seen around town:
Cigarettes - ten pack cartons; 450 baht. One pack; 44 baht.
Christmas dinner will be next month owing to holiday closure.
No women are served unless in a Company.
Apple or meet pie with custard 50 baht.
We have Scrabble but some letters are missing.
From the heart of my bottom, please give generously.
Visa Alert
Beware entrusting your passport to anyone who offers to get you a Thai visa without leaving the country. In a recent case, the stamps used were forgeries and a new TM card had not been registered. In another, the foreigner’s passport was confiscated by the border police. Its safer to go abroad yourself than to break Thai immigration law. Latest reports form Penang are that the embassy is again giving double entries, tourist and non-immigrant. But non-immigrant “B” is an investor’s visa for which you need company registration papers and proof of tax paid.
Dodgey Disco
One of Pattaya’s oldest and well known discos was visited last week by a group of Farangs and Thai’s. Their first encounter was to be told that there would be a cover charge of 100 baht for the whiskey they bought in as it was not Black Label, Red or Chivas Regal. Later that evening whilst dancing, the table was cleared, not only of the drinks but personal belongings as well, including an expensive lighter, and five full packs of cigarettes. The group complained to the management but were just told, ‘I don’t give a damn’.
Draught Heineken
The race is on for European draught beer, with Heineken hoping to match the sales of Carlsberg draught. The new bar on the corner of Second Rd. and Soi 10, and the Green Bottle (also on Second Rd.) were the first, but more are following. Bangkok last week reported that the demand was so great that all supplies of Heineken draught were out of stock for one week.
Another one bites the dust
Well known man about town Terry Sylvester was shocked last week when he arrived home and his wife of 10 years attacked him with a pairs of scissors and told him to leave and go back to England. Over the past few weeks Terry had spent a fortune renovating his (Her) guest house. His final shock came the following day when he went to the bank to withdraw his savings to return to England and the 162,000 baht account had been cleared by his better (or worse) half. Terry told Winebibber, ‘Every man believes it could never happen to them, even after all the stories you hear.’
Expensive cigs
A Farang went to a local restaurant and asked the waiter if they sold cigarettes. ‘Of course’, replied the waiter, ‘What brand would you like?’ The Farang promptly ordered his favourite brand, asking how much. The waiter replied, ‘The normal shop price’. When the cigarettes arrived the customer was told he had to pay another 30 baht for a motorcycle taxi to fetch them from a local mini-mart.