Dear Hillary,
About 4 months ago, during my vacation in Pattaya, I met a very handsome and nice Thai man and fell head over heals for him. It was hard for me to leave him here when I left, but we did correspond a lot. I managed to come back during Christmas and New Year and I didn’t tell him until I arrived.
We met the very first evening and even though I have slept with him several times already, I refused to do so the first night. All I wanted was to be near him and to find out if he really loves me. First, he tried to make love to me by force, but after I got hurt by him - he bit me quite hard on my breast - he seemed to understand that I was not ready for it. At least that’s what I thought.
He left the next day to go to work and in the evening I went to the restaurant where he works, to pick him up as usual. After waiting for more than an hour, the restaurant was about to close, I went inside to ask where he was. The manager told me that he had already left.
I walked with one of his friends through all the bar’s but I couldn’t find him. His friend invited me for one drink - he probably felt sorry for me - and then he offered to send me home with his car. I agreed for it was already past 4:00 AM and I was quite afraid of taking a taxi on my own.
The next day, I called my boyfriend, expecting an apology, but received just the opposite. He was very angry with me, accusing me of going out with his friend behind his back. He told me that he is not going to see me again because he lost face in front of all his friends. I asked him why he left in the first place without telling me, and his response was that ‘he was tired’.
I’ve tried to call him several times since then but he refuses to talk to me. I love him and it’s very hard for me to accept his behavior. What can I do about it, to get his trust and his love back?
Sad Farang.
Dear Sad Farang,
You are not the only sad farang I have met in Thailand. You should know that falling in love with somebody from a different culture is not enough (for both parties) to understand their mentality.
First of all I’d like to advice you NOT to fall into the same trap as most women do and believe that YOU have done something wrong. You came back under difficult circumstances to see him again and to surprise him. To take a man to your bedroom does not necessary mean that you are ready to sleep with him. Men of any nationality should understand that there is more involved in a relationship than only the love-making part. Just because you refused the very first night doesn’t give him the right to let you stand waiting outside and leave you there without giving you any notice. He should know that you, being in a in a foreign country and not speaking the language, could be dangerous, especially at nighttime. This is not very responsible of him. He should feel ashamed and should be thankful to his friend for helping you out in such a situation. HE is the one to apologize, not YOU.
By not answering your phone-calls and refusing to talk to you leaves only one resolution: FORGET THIS GUY! He is probably only one of those toy-boys who believe that a girl is only there to serve a man and nothing else, and in case he doesn’t get what he want’s - he drops them, for he is not interested in the human being but only in the physical fun.