Perverted “blind” masseuses

Dear Sir,
I always thought the international press was exaggerating about Pattaya. Visiting Pattaya for the fifth time, I believed I knew everything. Now I have to revise my good opinion, for as soon as it comes to sex, even so called “normal” people seem to get perverted.
My husband, myself and 4 other friends went to a massage parlour, the only one in town, I believe, where blind people work. We had heard a lot about this place already, and since blind people are known to give the best massages, we went there to try it out. We got the first shock when we saw the place. I understand a blind person cannot see the dirt, but there are enough people hanging around who could clean up the place. The mattresses had a bad smell, the towels on top were filthy. Nobody gave us pajamas, lucky me, I wore a swimming costume underneath my dress, so did the other lady. Only the men had to lay down in their underwear.
We were all in one room, except the other woman, who was laying behind a see-through curtain. Nobody thought it to be dangerous because she is definitely out of the age to be a sex object.
I was looking around, while I got my massage, counting the spider webs hanging from the ceiling. To my surprise, the “blind” man asked me several times to close my eyes. I wonder how he knew about it, since he was massaging my legs and not my eyes.
One time I looked beside me and saw the man who was massaging our lady friend taking one hand off her and playing with himself. I almost couldn’t believe it, so I asked my husband to watch him for I wanted to spare myself from that more than unpleasant view. After a while I heard my husband gasping in shock and surprise and he told me that I was right with what I had seen.
We did what every non-perverted person would have done - we left.
My intention to write this letter was to bring this incident to you and your readers’ attention so all can be warned about the service in a place as such.
Sincerely,
Verena Kobalt.

Petrol-scam in Pattaya

Dear Sir,
On two occasions, I have filled up my car at the Shell petrol station on South Pattaya Road, next to the International Telephone Exchange.
Each time a motorcyclist has just filled up, and the pump attendant does not return the pump to zero, but passes the hose over to my attendant, to fill up my car, with a 20 baht cost already run up. Thus I would receive 20 baht less petrol than the price shown that I am expected to pay for.
Please, future Shell customers, be warned.
Yours faithfully,
An Ex-Shell Customer

Table Etiquette

Dear Sir,
As the festive season is not quite over yet, I am sure there are many who have been or are planning to enjoy a feast in a well known restaurant. The thought of table etiquette made me fabricate this ode. It is quite silly, but maybe it will bring a laugh.
Sophisticated Strategic Manipulations

In many countries Table Manners differ.
At ‘sit-down’ meal .... confusion.
A Western Dinner, stuffier.
Cutlery in profusion.
    A waiter hands you a serviette,
    And asks, What kind of ‘Apéritif’?
    You gaze stupefied at menu set,
    And wonder which has the best whiff.
Before you is set the ‘Hors d’ oeuvre’.
Which instrument should you use?
Could use hands, but haven’t the nerve
And dare not this dish refuse.
     Next is ‘Bouillon’ in two-eared cup.
    Colour of muddy water, but aroma beef.
    Would like to lift bowl right up .....
    can see a spoon ... great relief!
Now comes ‘Fruits de Mer’
The fruits must be the slices of lime?
A fork and blunt knife is here
Could be the right utensil, this time?
    ‘Entrecôte espangnole’ and vegetables I know
    Only one knife and fork left on table,
    I think I’ve done well, so can glow
    Sure of Western dinner capable.
‘Crépes suzette’ or ‘Glaces’ for last fare.
Oops, another platter after desert
‘Brie’, ‘Gorgonzola’ and ‘Camembert’
Now I am completely inert!
    Brandy is served in a ‘Ballon’
    Which only floats in my head
    ‘Café nature’ will stabilise soon.
    It’s about time I went to bed!
(ne-faux-pax)

Perverted “blind” masseuses

Petrol-scam in Pattaya

Table Etiquette