Futile Encounter
A good looking Farang was being pestered by a TV prostitute who was fluent in English and riding a motor bike. The Khatoey tried every angle to arouse his interest. “What’s your name? Can I have your advice to buy a textbook? Would you join me for a beer?” The Farang, maintaining his cool, displayed a rigid indifference. As the Khatoey sped off in disgust, covering the paleface with exhaust fumes, she screamed back “You no good. You are a bigger drag than I am.”
Meeow
A British tourist in the Philippines has been fined 200 US dollars for saying “meeow” to a police dog. The 38 year old computer salesman was charged with abusive behaviour when one of Manila’s finest moved him on during a city parade. As the officer and his dog approached the visitor called out “meeow”. A magistrate held that imitating a cat was insulting to the Filipino people. Not to mention dogs world-wide.
The Unthinkable
Over forty British and German nationals died in Thailand over the high season holiday period. Usual reasons were road accidents, heart attacks and drug overdoses. Visitors should ensure that their passport includes the name and details of the next of kin. Longer stay foreigners should register with the appropriate embassy. The cost of a decent cremation in Thailand is around 25,000 Baht under these circumstances.
Mixed up vegetables
Plans are afoot to open Pattaya’s first restaurant exclusively for vegetarians and vegans. A handbill, currently being prepared at a Naklua printer’s shop, says “Opening soon. Delicious and healthy food strictly for non flesh eaters.” The advertisement then treats the reader to a lecture on how eating animals is wrong and can give you cancer. The notice ends with the statement, “Bring all your friends as meat and fish dishes are also served.”
Shrinking Universe
A quizzer, attending a trivial pursuits match at the popular bar and restaurant Mick’s Place, was overheard objecting to the answer that it takes eight minutes for light to reach the earth from the sun. “Well, it was certainly nine minutes last year,” he announced. Let’s hope it was a repeat question.
Off Limits underpants
The Ministry of the Interior has ordered Pattaya’s gay bars to make their dancers more decent. Skimpy underclothes will not be tolerated in the crusade against prostitution. One bar owner said, “I’m changing the name of the club to The Dungeon and the boys will clank round in suits of armour to the latest pop music.” Wonder if the vizor will be left open?
Mother Russia
Pattaya’s restaurants are beginning to cash in on the influx of high-spending Russian tourists. Leaving aside native eating houses, Poteen Still in Soi Yamato, The Aladdin Indian Restaurant, opposite the Thai Military Bank on Second Road, and Patrick’s Belgian Restaurant off Soi Diana already have menu cards printed in Russian. Expect this to be the shape of things to come.
Poke your nose in
A video rental shop was doing a roaring trade in one particular movie, and the owner wondered why. Checking the catalogue, he read “New from England. Glorious Technicolor and full uncut version of Walt Disney’s Pornocchio.” Disappointed customers want him strung up.