Your own wheels
A Farang bought for his girlfriend of one week a brand new motorbike. Following the 40,000 baht transaction, the girl confided, “I love you forever because I enjoy this one too much.” The Farang recounted the story to his boozing chum who said, “She also enjoyed the previous three bikes.” Case of PETROL (Pattaya Encourages Tourists Rolling Out Lolly).
Worse than Halitosis
A bar girl was refusing the advances of a particularly drunk and evil smelling German visitor whose wallet appeared to be disappointingly light. “I can’t go with you because I have syphilis, thrush and gonorrhoea,” she explained in a final attempt to shake him off. “That’s OK,” replied the German, “we have more in common than I realise.”
Rony’s buffet Restaurant
Rony’s buffet will open soon. Guaranteed delicious non-manufactured European and Thai food in a non fast food atmosphere. All you can eat for 150 baht. Pattaya 2nd Road, near Soi 8.
Visa run warning
Horror stories continue to arrive about foreigners who entrust their passports to travel agents to renew visas outside the country. In the most recent case, an Englishman’s visa had been renewed in Hawaii. When he later went for the one month’s extension in Soi Eight, the immigration authorities said they did not believe he left the country. But he has now. He was given seven days to leave the kingdom and his passport was endorsed “visa irregularity”.
Humour on the move
Seen on car bumper stickers around town:
If at first you don’t succeed - so much for sky diving
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better
Streak now or forever hold your piece
A squirrel’s home is a nutcracker suite
The best way to serve spinach is to somebody else.
Ugly sentence
A “revolting” looking robber has claimed he was wrongly jailed because police could not find enough ugly people to join an identity parade. Rohan Thomas, 37, of Wood Green, London, was granted leave to appeal against a sentence for conspiracy to rob. The appeal will be heard in his home town Liverpool.
Big feet relief
At last, trainers for large men have arrived in Pattaya. Classic Tailors, on Second Road near Northern Thai real estate company, have in stock excellent quality running shoes for 500 baht a pair. All sizes up to 13 US (12 UK). Hurry while stocks last.
Fried Chicken
The Press Association reports that animal rights activists have claimed responsibility for a fire which destroyed seven trucks loaded with chickens. Several incendiary devices were left underneath the trucks in a London suburb. MPs were quick to denounce the act as evidence that the Animal Liberation Front had tortured to death fifty thousand birds. Scotland Yard’s terrorist branch said later the chickens were frozen.
Ristorante Italiano
A group of holiday makers recently had a dismal lunch in an Italian restaurant in Phuket. The soup was cold, the vegetarian lasagne was covered with duck sauce and the pasta would not have been out of place in the rock throwing areas of Israeli occupied Palestine. “Waiter, this coffee tastes like tea!” complained one of the diners. “Forgive me sir, I must have given you the hot chocolate,” was the reply.
Midnight Encounter
Printed notice found in a Bangkok trash can: “Anyone wanting a mistress during the night should ring the bell.” Locals are still debating whether it was from a bordello or a boarding school.