A likely story
A Farang tourist was arrested this week for not paying his bill in a posh Pattaya restaurant. He told police that he only remembered he had not settled the account when he became stuck in a rear toilet window as he was leaving. Case of PANIC (Pattaya Always Nicks Incompetent Criminals).
Presidential Thaw
Maybe all those stories about Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos robbing the Filipino people of billions of dollars are untrue. Power to a refrigerated crypt, which houses the remains of the president who expired in 1989, is to be cut off because nobody has paid the back bills. It costs 460 US dollars a month to look real cool after a fatal heart attack.
High rise peril
The trouble with living in Naklua condos is that some people want to sleep whilst others are having a good time. Two neighbours met in the lift. One said angrily, “Didn’t you hear me banging on your ceiling last night?” His red-eyed neighbour replied, “Oh, that’s all right. We had a party last night and were making lots of noise ourselves.”
Ticket Scam
It is true that some Pattayans have obtained air tickets with ridiculously large discounts. Here’s how the scam works. A dishonest travel agent will issue the tickets but build up huge debts with airline companies and consolidators. When threatened with prosecution the agent does a bunk. You may be one of the lucky ones. More likely, you will lose your money or find your ticket is dishonoured at the airport check-in.
Family porn
A father, mother and two children who thought they had bought a travel video found themselves watching pornography of the worst kind. There had been a mix-up in the publisher’s despatch centre. Doctor Frank Swift, a geology professor from Littlehampton, Sussex, said the whole family was deeply shocked by the video which was named “Rocks Off in Pattaya”.
Hot Stuff
A foreign satellite engineer, posted to Phnom Penh, insured his house and contents with the reassuringly titled No Problem Insurance Company. The inevitable happened. Thieves ransacked his house and set fire to it. Calling the insurance company’s help-line number, he received only the unobtainable signal. He then drove out to the head office, listed on his membership card, only to find Phnom Penh fireman fighting a losing battle against a huge blaze in the building.
Necessary drilling
Health and hygiene conscious Americans tend to go over the top when it comes to AIDS awareness between dentists and their patients. A newspaper headline proclaims, “Dentists Continue Working Despite Patient Deaths.”
The Incas are coming
Continuing his South American tour, a reader has sent us a notice displayed in his hotel reception area. “Hello to you the sunshine guests. Please be in your bed before I am (one a.m.). Do not try to shower your parts when water is turned off. You can use valuable box of safety if you have your own key. Your breakfast may be late as the chef has some disease today.”
Fifteen minutes fame
Some light on the all-consuming world of pedagogy must be shed from a Bangkok university’s one day course for professional tutors of newly qualified teachers. The programme reads, “4.15 - 4.45 afternoon tea. 4.45 - 5.00 teaching as an educational activity.”
Kelly’s reopens
Kelly’s Famous Old Rock n’ Roll Bar reopened last Saturday with Kelly’s usual live band, Aussie B.B.Q. and Pattaya’s cheapest Happy Hour Drinks 8 to 10 p.m. and 1 to 3 a.m. Old and new customers are always welcome. Check it out on Soi 2, North Pattaya.