Dear Hillary,
I am 34 years old, female, single without children and I love two men.
My boyfriend of eleven years, Alan, is 14 years my senior, very intelligent and interested in many subjects. Sensitive, loving and caring - he’d be the ideal partner - he’s just not interested in sex.
I love him but I always felt that I’m missing something. Recently I’ve met another man, Rolf. He is a few years younger than my friend and a totally opposite type. Normally I would never have been interested in a guy like him. He’s a bit giddy, but I have great sex with him.
First I thought this to be the ideal solution, one man for my heart and soul and the other one for my bed. Now, Rolf asked me to marry him. He said he can’t imagine being without me anymore. He’s trying to press me and it bothers me a lot. How should I decide? With whom should I lead my future life?
Confused.
Dear Confused,
How about a third solution: stay alone for a while. Tell both of your men you are not sure how you really feel about them. Tell them you need time for yourself to find out what’s best for you and for them. Keep their friendship.
It might be that this proposal clears the situation. Your long-term boyfriend might realize you are missing sexual contact so much that you are ready to leave him for this lack.
Your new lover might believe you are just looking for an excuse to leave him and he wont take this “insult”.
But maybe, both men will agree with your proposition. That gives you time to find out what you really want.

Dear Hillary,
I always believed my husband loves only me. A few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night and found him asleep, but with an erection. Since then, I’ve watched him carefully and realized he’s had that many times.
I am afraid he’s in love with somebody else. There’re so many pretty Thai girls working in his company. Do you think he’s dreaming about one of them? It drives me crazy thinking about it and I am terribly jealous.
Jealous.
Dear Jealous,
Don’t worry. What you saw is a normal reaction that every man has. It has nothing to do with sexual dreams or material betrayal. It’s simply an organic phenomena.
Women have the same symptoms. The blood vessels in their vagina and vulva are more filled, and the vagina gets wet. During the REM-phase, or also called “rapid-eye movement”, the brain is highly active. The heart beat is irregular and the sex-organs are activated.
In innocence.