Eternally yours
A disillusioned Farang, who found out his girl friend of three weeks had been unfaithful, angrily accused the young lady of telling lies. She replied, “No, I always tell you the truth because I say what you want to hear.” That’s the Euro-Thai cultural divide in action. A case of SPOOF (Some Pattayans Ogle Only Farangs).
Bangkok directions
A Brit was standing at the top of Wireless Road holding a map upside down and wiping his eyes amid clouds of exhaust fumes. He decided to ask a passing Thai which side the British Embassy is on. “Yours, as far as I am aware,’ was the reply.
No more go go
Phnom Penh authorities have told the police to close bars and clubs featuring nude dancers in a campaign to eradicate evil influences and pornography. Long time residents are deeply shocked by the news. One said, “None of us here ever found a nude bar.”
Return home visas
In a crackdown on illegal workers, the Thai Embassy in Vientiane is telling some applicants they must obtain Thai visas in their home country. The policy is aimed mainly at visitors from South Asia, although one or two Farangs report problems. Moreover, it now takes 72 hours to get a tourist visa, so keep your eye on -dates of return travel documents.
Damn mistake
Heard at the end of a vicar’s sermon: “At the evening service tonight, the subject will be What Is Hell? Do come early and listen to our choir rehearsing. Finally, Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. in the main building. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.”
Bye bye blackbird
The latest craze in town, or so the makers hope, is a Virtual Reality Pet from Japan which retails at around 6000 baht. It is an electronic bird creature, about the size of an egg, whose image appears on the screen of a keyring device. A chick at first, the image changes into a fully grown adult in ten days. The owner must feed, groom and soothe it or the little body dies. But do not become too fond of your new friend. The battery fails after a fortnight.
HOTEL SCAM
Watch out for the latest crime which is heading this way from Manila. You are sleeping in your hotel roam and the phone rings. A polite voice says that the reception requires your credit card number for your own security. In a drowsy state, you give it. Maybe weeks later, you discover that someone has had a spectacular spending spree at your expense.
Route problems
An enterprising Farang visa runner decided to try the new rail service from Hanoi to China’s south-west city of Kunming. Purchasing a ticket, he sat for three hours in a carriage in splendid isolation. Attempts to engage the locals in an English language explanation collapsed in abject failure. Finally, he was handed a scribbled note through the window. It read, “Solly, we not go to make you a happy man. My friend is still writing out the timetable.”
Food not so hot
A qualified British restaurateur in Pattaya (there aren’t too many of those around) has a red face after putting up a large sign which informs customers, “If you want to enjoy good food, visit our other branch.”
Chicken style
Overheard in The Wild Chicken, Soi Post Office. A woman knew that her neighbour’s husband had suffered a heart attack and asked her how he was. “He is not too good,” was the reply, “but the doctor says we must await the results of the post mortem.”