Scouse Judgement
Two Merseysiders were debating the merits of various girls in some of the resort’s more seedy establishments. One asked the other what his type is. “Older women are best,” was the reply, “because they always think this could be their last time.” Case of PEARL (Pattaya Envies And Respects Liverpool).
Lost and Found
Observed at Pattaya Park this week: “Are you sure this money was lost?” the mother asked her overjoyed son when he showed her the 500 baht note he found. “Of course I’m sure,” he shot back, “I even saw the man looking for it.”
Absent without leave
From a leading Malaysian newspaper: “The Tua Seng Concrete Company is pleased to inform you that our employee Mr. Jamda Danai has been missing from work since April 2nd 1996. Thank you.” On the contrary, thank YOU.
Vehicle registration
Check it out for yourself, of course, but the word is that you once again need a letter from your embassy before you can put a car in your own name. A farang, visiting the vehicle registration centre, was told he needs that bit of paper and no longer a letter from the immigration bureau.
Visa news
Don’t get too excited about the rumour that the government may introduce twelve months’ non-immigrant “B” visas with multiple entries. The policy is aimed at investors and business people, especially from Japan, who hold credentials from the Thai Board of Investment or similar agency.
Mass burning
Threats by Indian feminists that they would immolate themselves at the Miss World crowning ceremony in Bangalore caused ticket sales to crash as spectators stayed away. This is impressive. Were Western feminists to threaten mass suicide at a Miss World contest in Europe, the event would be sold out as chaps would flock to see the spectacle.
Stale meat
A restaurant in North Pattaya tells us, “We regret that both our hamburgers and hot dogs are off this week.” Well, that has saved a trip to the hospital. But their English style God and Ships is still recommended.
Rear end view
A Pattaya farang was persuaded against his better judgement to pay for a painful piles operation to benefit his girlfriend’s brother in Chiang Mai. He was delighted to receive a letter which read, “To my darling, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My brother also wishes to thank you from his bottom.”
Spit it out
Deng Xiaoping, the Chinese leader who died last month, was not well understood in the West. This he turned to his advantage. Asked to comment on the success of his negotiations over the future of Hong Kong, he once said “Mrs. Thatcher was at a disadvantage dealing with a heavy smoker who made excessive use of the spittoon.”
Sexy thought
The international press reports that a typical porno movie costs 8000 US dollars to make but can expect to make a profit of 200,000 dollars. Poor value. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have paid for it and not liked it.
Making change
Observed from the back of a baht bus: A farang lass and her parents displayed one way to avoid the unpleasant event of a baht bus driver grabbing your money and driving away before giving change. After the family had disembarked, the young lady held up a 100 baht note in front of the passenger side window, but withdrew it when the driver reached for it. She then asked for the driver to hand her the correct change, which she counted, before handing him the 100 baht note.