Mack the knife

From the police blotter: a teenage boy stabbed both his parents to death after they refused to let him go to a darkened disco with a reputation for lewdness. But the court gave him a lenient sentence after defence attorneys pointed out the lad had recently become an orphan. Case of BLOODED (Boys Like Overtly Obscene Discos Every Day).

Mile high puffs

The news that 91.6% of flights out of Bangkok are now non-smoking should convince even the most die-hard sceptics. Cigarettes are obviously the biggest cause of statistics in the world of today. Addicts travelling to the Middle East and Europe can take comfort that Emirates still allows you to puff away.

Tea and sympathy

A UK travel agent has produced a guide to the restaurants of Phuket. One sounds like a bit of a disaster: “After 10:00 p.m. there is a lot of noise coming from the Titanic disco and our dinner was ruined by sunken Yorkshire puddings and tasteless coffee.” Another entry reads, “People might come from miles around for a pot of tea and a bit of crumpet, but it is probably unlikely.”

Lebanon frolics

Tired of Pattaya? After twenty years in the wilderness, Beirut is back in business. The horses are prancing, the girls (and boys we hear) are dancing and the bright lights are sparkling like the gems on O.J. Simpson’s fingers used to do. But better take a sack of money. The minimum bet at the casino’s Blackjack tables is one thousand US dollars. On second thought, better stick to Penang for that visa run.

Best value

Several good restaurants offer tasty fish and chips in Pattaya, but the top value for quality and price has got to be Palmer’s Bar on Pattayaland Soi 2. A delicious plateful for 100 baht with peas and bread and butter included. Another good deal is Poteen Still on Soi Yamoto where the fish and chips are uniquely served with crunchy onion rings.

Hope for pensioners

Dozens of old age pensioners in Pattaya stand to gain if the British government agrees to link state retirement allowances to the rate of inflation. At the moment, the rate is frozen for those living in Thailand. A free vote is to be taken in the next parliament which, if approved, would add a quarter of one percent to the annual social security budget.

Change of venue

Trivial pursuits buffs and lunch time drinkers should note that Bobby Joe, formerly of the Shamrock Bar, has moved to the Sixties Bar in the same street, Pattayaland Soi 2. Last Sunday a punter, seeing a notice saying Drink Canada Dry, was overheard to say, “I’ve just started”.

History is bunk

Speaking of culture vultures, a regular drinker at Bob’s fume bar certainly knows his medieval history. As Sir Galahad was setting off to find the Holy Grail, he told his best friend he had locked his wife’s chastity belt. Handing him the key Galahad said, “If I’m not back in ten years, please unlock it.” Twenty minutes later, the friend galloped up to the knight on the Camelot exit road. “Hey,” he shouted, “you have given me the wrong key.”

Medical insurance

Two Pattaya expats were comparing their BUPA schemes. Although they were of the same age and medical background, one was paying considerably more than the other for similar coverage. The difference is probably that one is an individual subscriber and the other a member of a discounted group scheme. This is something to check out with your broker.