Frustrated raid
Pattaya vice police, in their never-ending mission to clean-up Pattaya, “raided” a popular South Pattaya night entertainment venue last week. The earnest constabulary checked all dancers’ IDs and health records, checked for criminals and the lot. Finding nothing wrong with the place, the frustrated gendarmes had to do something to save face, so told the manager to “Turn down the music!”
Myths about work permits
Next time you’re in a bar discussion about farang work permits, give it to ‘em straight. They don’t necessarily save you from leaving the country every few months, since the Labor Office is a separate bureaucracy from the visa controlling Immigration Bureau. Some work permits are valuable and some less so. For example, the one sometimes given to farang condo owners enables you to decorate your own living room without bringing in a paid contractor! If you are in a salaried position with a large employer, then work permits are officially obtainable following the complex paperwork. Don’t be hoodwinked by expensive offers of questionable work permits from self-styled experts who are feathering their own baht nests.
A virgin’s tale
In a tiny village lived an old maid who was a virgin and proud of it. As she knew her last days were getting closer, she told the local undertaker that she wanted a special inscription on her tombstone: “Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.” Following her death, the local undertaker told his men what the lady’s wishes had been. But the stone carvers, lazy lumps that they were, thought the inscription unnecessarily long and simply wrote, “Returned Unopened.”
Candy mystery explained
A young farang boy was delighted to discover that Pattaya supermarkets stocked his favorite sweets “M & Ms”. He asked his father why they don’t make white ones in addition to the colored varieties. Dad replied, “Because the white ones would enslave the brown M & Ms, steal all the red M & Ms’ land, accuse the yellow M & Ms of obstructing trade, and complain that the wretched coffee M & Ms were taking all their jobs.”
Sheer luxury
If you really want to spoil yourself, and have 650 baht to spare, try the de luxe facial treatment at Hanako on the ground floor of Royal Garden Plaza. All the latest technology for cleansing pores, sumptuous massage creams, facial mask and a refreshing lemon tea to finish. All in air conditioned comfort. Suitable for males and females of all appearances, except for the bearded varieties.
Brand new pickup technique
A farang was enticed by a beautiful virgin in a South Pattaya disco who suggested they have a drink. “OK,” he replied, “I’m no Rockerfeller, but I’ll buy.” She then asked him to dance, so he smiled and said, “I’m no Fred Astaire but I’ll give it a whirl.” Later, she suggested they adjourn to a neighboring hotel. “Sure,” he responded in friendly fashion, “I’m no Cary Grant but let’s go on up there.” After a night of dare-devil fun, the girl said, “What about some money?” The farang shot back, “Well, I’m no gigolo, but I’ll take it!”
Rent me
Reputable car rental agencies in Pattaya are not a problem, but there are lots of sharks still around. A British tourist was told the two days’ rental charge was inclusive of insurance and, to prove it, was shown the phrase “full insurance included” hand written on his copy of the contract. The inevitable happened and he collected a wing dent and some scratches. Back at the depot, he was told he must pay 30,000 baht. When he protested and produced his contract, the proprietor took out his own copy where, lo and behold, the important phrase was missing. Watch out for carbon paper which is smaller than the document you are asked to sign.
Currency speculation
Now that the baht has been allowed to find its own level in the foreign exchange markets, it’s not all good news for tourists. The price of imported goods, for example electrical equipment, cars, wines and cheese are bound to skyrocket. Whether you’ll be better off depends on your lifestyle.
Bird dropping
Stephen Hawkins, 48, died as he cleaned out his parrot’s cage in a Jomtien high rise block. The chair he was standing on rocked away from beneath him and he fell over the seventeenth floor balcony still clutching the green and yellow bird. Neighbors said the farang had been very unlucky as he had landed splat on his head, but the parrot walked away unscathed and muttering “Pieces of eight”.