Too high a price
A Jomtien condo owner, desperate to sell during the property slump, died this week whilst proving the safety features of his luxury apartment to a retired couple from northern England. Police said he crashed through a pane with his right shoulder whilst demonstrating the newly installed and accident proof Wonder Glass, and plunged twenty seven floors to his death. Manchester based Mr and Mrs Bert Weatherall, rumored to be recent UK lottery winners, stressed that the accident was doubly unfortunate “since we both suffer from a fear of heights and had already decided to rent a bungalow.”
India’s finest
Connoisseurs of native Indian food are currently singing the praises of the Ali Baba restaurant in Pattaya Central Road, near the Beach Road. Elite diners say the texture of the curries is delicious with all the authentic spices in the korma, madras and vindaloo dishes. You will pay a bit extra (by Pattaya standards) for the professional service and surroundings, but the quality of the food rivals the best you will find in Europe. Often crowded at weekends.
Inflation on the march
The baht flotation is already triggering Pattaya price hikes, especially in outlets patronized by farangs. A popular barber shop on South Road has raised the price of a man’s haircut by 50%, whilst increased fuel charges are putting up the transport costs of almost anything you buy. The biggest danger, however, is what economists are pleased to call “speculative inflation”, that is continuing uncertainty leads to hoarding of goods by wholesalers and retailers because customers will expect to pay a lot more for them later on.
Marital bliss
Two farang wives were overheard at the ladies’ circle discussing the demerits of their respective husbands. “Mine drinks a bottle of gin a day but takes it with fresh orange juice because he says it is good for his health,” complained one. “Mine is worse,” commented the other, “he thinks cookies and chocolate bars are a heath food as long as he eats them before the expiry date.”
Time to own up
A lucky Pattaya go-go club owner is forever telling his diminishing band of customers that he is making a profit of one million baht per month in the slow season. What they can’t understand is why he hasn’t changed the broken stage lights since 1995, always travels on a motor bike taxi and invariably travels by train on the El Cheapo visa run express to Penang. Must be saving up for the busy season.
Bank interest rates
Farangs ought to check with their bank what exactly is the rate of interest they are receiving on deposit accounts. Advertised rates, say 11% on substantial sums, are sometimes restricted to “residents”, that is Thai nationals and a handful of work permit holders who know the ropes. There is a less publicized and poorer rate, usually 2% less, for “non residents” commonly meaning anyone without a Thai identity card. Practices vary from bank to bank. The important thing to find out is whether or not there are different rates for residents and non residents. Additionally, 15% of earned interest will be taken as a government tax, irrespective of the status of the account.
Naughty neigbors
A farang woman in Jomtien has taken a long lease on a property and spent a fortune on repairs. She has just discovered there are imminent plans to open a snake farm next door and is, to say the least, hissed off.
Toying with marriage
There is great hi-tech news for all men fancying a new partner. The Sexygotcha is an exciting, virtual reality wife which is seven inches in diameter and oval in shape. This electrical digital darling will easily fit in your pocket or briefcase and will enable you to enjoy all aspects of married life without actually getting hitched. Amongst the button controlled options is The Shopping Trip which requests you to feed in megabytes of digital cash for her to enjoy a virtual reality spending spree in local stores. Yet it doesn’t cost you a penny. Or press the Fourth Week option during which period intercourse is strictly off-limits. Always popular is The Cup Final which allows you to sit watching football on the TV whilst a washing machine and vacuum are buzzing away as background noise. The virtual missus is retailing at 10,000 baht and the gay version, known as Wannastud, at 15,000. However, the latter’s shape is said to be longer.