Dear Hillary,
I don’t know what to do anymore. I cannot talk to my
friends about my problem to ask them for advice, for I’m
in total lust with a man who is not my husband. We both want
to have an affair very bad, but our consciences will not let
us. I purposely haven’t seen him for three weeks. Now I
feel like I’m going crazy and I know he feels the same
way. My husband is very sweet and loving. He gives me so much
security that I can’t give him up. But I’m torn
because this other man has turned on buttons within me that I
thought were dead. Help!
Crazy With Desire
Dear Crazy,
I am going to speak very frankly with you and you might be
surprised by what I am telling you. I think you are heading
for a catastrophe if you have this affair. However, I believe
that sex is not the most important thing in the world.
Therefore, you shouldn’t throw away your life just
because this man pushes your sexual buttons. Instead, say to
yourself that those buttons are not dead and find some way of
getting your husband to push them. If you abandon your
marriage, you might one day look back on the tattered
remnants of your life and you’ll only have yourself to
blame. The choice is yours. First, decide whether or not you
want to save your marriage, because if you have this affair -
watch out! It’s one thing if you are in a car that has
gone over a cliff - because then you can’t do anything
other than pray. But right now, you can take control of this
situation. You only have to take one, very important step:
You are going to have to get this other man out of you!
Dear Hillary,
I am from Europe and I have been dating a Thai man for over a
year and living with him for 6 months. I am at the end of my
rope. He has a diamond ring he bought for his last girlfriend
and still keeps even though she stopped seeing him 2 years
ago. I have begged him to do something with it, sell it,
anything. He won’t discuss marriage with me; he will not
introduce me to his family, yet he allows them to believe
that my stuff (T.V./Stereo) are his. When they come to our
home I have to hide my belongings and leave until they are
gone. The smallest things that I do wrong he just rides into
the ground in a picking/joking way. I really don’t think
he cares about me as much as he should. Am I being too
demanding? He has stuck by me through a very difficult time
in my life yet he tells me he does not know if he loves me
and thinks he has never loved anyone. He is an absolute
paradox and I am too close to figure this one out, maybe it
is a little clearer from a distance.
Torn Apart
Dear Torn Apart,
The situation does sound complicated. This is a time when you
need to turn to a friend or friends that you can confide in
and who want the best for you and see what they suggest. If
more than two friends say the same thing, you should listen
to them.
One additional option you might try with your boy friend is
tell him that you and he need to have a heart-to-heart
conversation. In that conversation, ask him to tell you what
you can and can’t count on him for. Tell him you just
want clarity and you don’t want to pressure him or nag
him. Tell him you don’t want to depend on him for things
that you can’t depend on him for.
If he is someone who can’t be clear about anything, and
it always comes down to his doing whatever he wants to do at
the moment; then he is too emotionally immature to make a
commitment and you should cut your losses.
Obviously, you’re having difficulty doing that, so you
need to confront what you’re so afraid of dealing with,
if he’s no longer in your life. I’d give the friend
route a try first.
Good luck.
Who should own what in the U.S.?
by Leslie Wright
In the United States, estate duties -
inheritance tax - are amongst the highest in the world,
running as high as 55%. State Death Tax can take another 6%
in some states. Nasty!
Most prudent Americans have made some provision for reducing
these liabilities. If you’re married, you and your
spouse probably hold your house and other major possessions
in both your names. You have concluded, correctly, that when
one of you dies, the other will become sole owner without
having to go through a months-long probate proceeding. What
could be more loving or more fair? Who could possibly lose in
this situation?
Unfortunately, this last question has an unpleasant answer:
your children. The ways you and your spouse hold title to
major assets can leave your heirs liable to all sorts of
unnecessary taxes.
Those taxes can be avoided if you have a lawyer make sure
your property is titled correctly. (Typical cost: about
$1,000.) This effort can also be important if you are single
and share ownership, say, of a house or a car with a relative
or friend.
Co-Ownership
There are three basic forms of
co-ownership. With the most common - joint tenancy with right
of survivorship - each person owns an equal share of the
property and can dispose of it without the approval of the
others. When an owner dies, his or her share is divided
equally among the other owners.
The second method - tenancy by the entirety - is similar to
joint tenancy, except that neither partner can sell his or
her share without permission from the other. This alternative
is available in only about 30 states.
Like joint tenancy, the third form - tenancy in common -
permits co-owners to dispose of their shares independently.
When one owner dies, his or her share goes to the heirs named
in a will, rather than automatically to the co-owners.
(If you live in one of the nine community property states:
Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico,
Texas, Washington and Wisconsin - where assets acquired
during a marriage are generally considered to be owned
equally by both spouses, it would be wise to consult an
estate lawyer about co-ownership.)
Ignore Sentiment
Which form should you use? The
answer ought to be based mostly on estate tax considerations,
not sentiment.
Consider the case of an affluent couple who jointly own
$800,000 in assets - a $315,000 house, $100,000 in life
insurance on the wife and $80,000 on the husband, a $125,000
vacation retreat, $100,000 in investments, two cars worth a
total of $50,000, and $30,000 in jewelry and antiques. After
both die, they want the property to go to their two children.
If this happily married couple own their property jointly,
here’s what will happen: When the first spouse dies, his
or her half of the property will pass to the survivor
tax-free. But when the second one dies, federal estate taxes
on the property, even assuming its value has remained flat at
$800,000, will amount to over $52,000. And that doesn’t
count state death taxes, which can take as much as 6%, or
$23,000, in states such as New York, Michigan and
Massachusetts.
Those taxes can be avoided if our couple have their lawyer
divide the ownership and draw up wills for each of them that
include so-called bypass trusts. Then, when the first spouse
dies, as much as $600,000 in property can go into his or her
trust. The trustee will manage the property and pay out
income to the surviving spouse. After the second spouse dies,
the principal will go tax-free to the couple’s children.
Cost of such wills: about $1,000 each.
With that overall scenario in mind, here’s a rundown of
the best ways to share ownership of six major assets,
discussed in terms of the property held by our hypothetical
couple.
Primary Home
Set sentiment aside and put the
house in one spouse’s name. Who should hold the title?
Many lawyers and financial planners recommend that it be the
spouse with the lower income and the least exposure to
lawsuits. For example, if the wife is a doctor who may get
hit with a malpractice suit one day, and her husband owns
title to the house, creditors won’t be able to attach
it.
Life Insurance
When either of the spouses in our
example dies, the proceeds of his or her life insurance
policy will go tax-free to the survivor. But what happens
when the second spouse dies and the $180,000 in total
benefits is left to the children? That money will be hit with
estate taxes. To avoid that, have your lawyer set up an
irrevocable life insurance trust. Such a trust cannot be
changed after it has been created. When you die, the
insurance money will go into the trust, and the trustee will
pay income from it to the beneficiaries, including your
spouse, for the rest of their lives. When the surviving
spouse dies, the money will go to your children or other
beneficiaries tax-free. Cost of such a trust: about $1,000.
Vacation Home
The best solution here is the old
standby: You and your spouse should hold the property jointly
with right of survivorship. If one of you owns the retreat
outright and it’s in a state other than the one in which
you reside, you could be complicating your estate
unnecessarily. The reason: If the spouse who is sole owner of
vacation property dies first, the property will have to go
through probate in the state in which it is located. By
contrast, if the property is owned jointly, the surviving
spouse inherits it automatically and probate is delayed until
that spouse dies. There is also a way that you can pass the
property to your children while avoiding probate (although
not escaping estate taxes). Have your lawyer place the house
in a revocable trust, which costs about $1,000 to set up and
can be modified later.
Securities
Assets in employee-benefit plans
such as 401(k) accounts may be your largest investments, but
the only decision you get to make is whom to name as the
beneficiary to receive them when you die. For mutual funds,
stocks and bonds held outside of such accounts, you can avoid
taxes by splitting ownership. Separately titled assets can be
readily transferred to a bypass trust to shelter them from
estate taxes.
Automobiles
Cars are the only asset that should
never be owned jointly, even if your estate is so small that
it couldn’t possibly trigger estate taxes. The reason is
legal liability. Cars are pending lawsuits on wheels and
should be thought of more as liabilities than as assets. If
one spouse has an accident and the car is owned jointly, both
spouses’ assets could be at risk if the driver is sued.
Thus automobiles should be held in separate names. If you
have a hot-rodding teenager 18 or older, register the car in
the child’s name and get a separate insurance policy for
it. That way, your own assets are not on the line.
Valuables
The best way to bequeath art,
antiques, jewelry or collectibles to your heirs with minimum
taxes and squabbles is to put each item in either your name
or your spouse’s. Then, insert letters of instruction in
each of your wills and write letters to your executors
specifying who should inherit what. The last thing you want
is to have your children bickering over who is going to get
which painting or diamond ring.
Offshore Trusts
Wouldn’t it be nice if all of
the assets could simply be placed into an offshore trust and
avoid all this hassle altogether?
Unfortunately, however, most offshore trust firms (and even
many international investment houses) will not accept
American clients nowadays partly because of the way U.S.
authorities so diligently pursue their citizens’
financial activities (including hacking into offshore
institutions’ computers to find out which of their
clients are Americans and what they’re up to, which puts
the confidentiality of all the institution’s other
clients at risk), and also the tendency of many Americans to
jump into litigation for the slightest perceived reason.
These old-established and highly reputable firms have quite
enough clients coming to them - most of whom are seeking
total confidentiality of their quite legitimate affairs -
without inviting trouble.
Thus if you’re American or a U.S.-resident, you’ll
need to approach a stateside attorney to set these things up
for you.
If you’re not American or U.S.-resident, an offshore
trust could be a very cost-effective means of ensuring a
smooth transition of your assets to your heirs and
beneficiaries.
If you have any comments or queries on
this article, or about other topics concerning investment
matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya
Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at
[email protected]. Further details and back articles can
be accessed on his firm’s website on
www.westminsterthailand.com.
Leslie Wright is Managing Director of
Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of
independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate
residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial
planning and international investments.
by Laura Zubrod
A glass of wine, a beer, a jigger of
whisky, what do they all have in common? Sure they all
contain alcohol but they also contain antioxidant
phytochemicals that may help protect against heart disease.
Studies have found that regular consumption of moderate
amounts of alcohol helps prevent heart attacks in middle-aged
or older men and women by 30 to 50%. Alcohol does this by
boosting HDL-blood cholesterol or "good"
cholesterol that removes fat deposits from arterial walls.
Alcohol may also prevent "bad" LDL-cholesterol from
forming. In addition, alcohol may boost the body’s
natural clot-dissolving enzyme.
If you do drink alcohol, current recommendations are no more
than 1 drink a day for women and 2 for men (1 drink is
equivalent to 4 to 5-ounces of wine, 12-ounces of beer, or
1.5 ounces of 80 proof liquor). If you don’t already
drink but want to protect your heart, partaking in a daily
glass of wine is not the key. The definitive verdict still
isn’t in regarding daily alcohol consumption. Other
lifestyle habits such as healthy eating and regular exercise
offer the most protection against heart disease.
Consuming excessive amounts of alcohol over long periods of
time can lead to many health problems such as permanent liver
damage, increased risk for some cancers (especially in
combination with smoking), damage to the brain and heart, an
inflamed pancreas, and even death. High alcohol intake
increases the risk of high blood pressure and stroke. Regular
heavy drinking can also lead to vitamin and mineral
deficiencies as well as dehydration. Alcohol has a diuretic
effect meaning it prompts water loss. That’s why
it’s important to remember to drink additional water
when consuming alcohol. Dehydration can heighten the affects
of a hangover.
Certainly never drink alcohol if you are pregnant, nursing,
or trying to conceive, are taking certain medications, have
very high blood levels of triglycerides, uncontrolled high
blood pressure, liver disease, abnormal heart rhythms, peptic
ulcers, sleep apnea, or if you plan to drive or take part in
activities requiring attention or skill in the next few
hours.
When consuming alcohol, keep in mind that it also packs a
punch when it comes to calories. At seven calories per gram,
alcohol is almost as fattening as fat. Even worse, after a
drink or two, nutrition judgment falters and your more likely
to say yes to high fat appetizers and snacks. A few drinks
and a plateful of chips, dips, fries, nuts or other
appetizers can be equivalent to an extra meal’s worth of
calories.
If you don’t drink and are considering starting, or if
you do drink and are concerned you shouldn’t or should
drink less, weigh the risks and benefits for you, considering
your age, sex, risk factors for various diseases, and family
history. Moderate drinking may be beneficial but don’t
assume that wine, beer, or a martini will counteract French
fries, smoking, or love-handles. There are better ways to
improve your odds of staying healthy: eat a healthy, low-fat
diet, stop smoking, lose weight if you are overweight, and
start exercising if you are sedentary.
Readers may write Laura care of the Pattaya
Mail with questions or special topics they would like to
see addressed.