Dear Hillary,
I don’t know how to describe what I’m feeling. I
trust my fiancé very much, and know that he would never
intentionally hurt me. But right now, I am so confused and
depressed. He was invited to a surprise party for his old
best friend (known since high school). Other guests at the
party would be old friends from the past including an old
flame. He and his old friend were not in good terms the last
time they saw each other (years ago)... In any case, he
speaks to me occasionally about this old flame, and I can
tell that my fiancée mostly wanted to go so that he could
see how she was doing. I opted not to go, because I never
enjoy myself when I see these friends of his. His old best
friend always seems to know just how to make me feel
unwelcome.
Last night was when the surprise party
occurred. When he came home at 1:00 a.m., (I was in bed and
he woke me) we talked for some time. Somehow it just felt so
much like he was trying to make up for something. Maybe he
was just sorry to leave me home, but am I reading too much
into this? I trust that nothing terrible happened that I
should be worried about, but all day today, he’s been
acting awkward towards me, and telling me he loves me. I
don’t want to be the ‘jealous fiancé’, but I
would like him to explain what is going on - why all the
distance and awkwardness between us. Am I just overreacting?
And should I just let it go? I don’t want to be his
police, but if something happened between him and his old
flame (I believe she’s still attracted to him), I’d
like him to be honest about it.
He talked about her when he came home last
night... And today, he mentioned her some more. They are
friends and call each other occasionally. I do not want to be
jealous, but how do I deal with this? I trust him dearly, but
her - I do not trust so much. Is their relationship normal?
Deep down inside of me, I fear that somewhere inside of him,
he might be wishing his fiancé were her instead of me. Tell
me I’m just
Over-reacting.
Dear Over-reacting,
You sound in agony. It’s easy to think the worst in
these situations, but try to resist it. It’s normal for
men and women to have mixed feelings when they’re
engaged. It’s also normal for men and women to start to
fantasize about old relationships (as old flames). Your
fiancé from your description does sound like he’s
feeling guilty, but as you said, it might be your jealousy
reading into things. Perhaps he flirted; perhaps he had a few
drinks and expressed his mixed feelings about marriage.
Although a disappointment to you, by itself it’s not an
irreversible trauma. What’s important is to find a way
to talk to your fiancé about your feelings without making
him feel attacked or tracked.
Two approaches come to mind. First you
could be direct and say to him that you love him and are
looking forward to your life together and that you want to
feel you both have a strong foundation of trust. You could
just relate all the facts as you know them — about his
going out, seeing his old flame, seeing friends.
Now his acts different than usual as if
he’s feeling guilty about something. Then ask him to
explain if he can. This is likely to trigger some discomfort
to say the least.
Another approach would be to assume that
he’s having a normal case of mixed feelings. Rather than
attacking him for them, ask him how tough it gets for him
when he starts to have doubts about getting married. Then ask
him how much tougher it makes it to know how unmixed your
feelings are. Does it make him feel guilty for his feelings,
or because he thinks she won’t understand? If he says
yes to all of these, tell him you’re sorry that
it’s so rough on him and that you love him and will try
to understand. This should help him feel understood, less
alone, and more positive about the relationship.
One request, please realize that I know
very little about your situation. Try to discuss it with a
trusted friend who has good common sense and judgment and
wants the best for you. You might run my suggestions by her
before you act on them.
Good luck. You will get through this.
by Leslie Wright
Did you ever wonder why wealthy people
almost always make money? The rich have an advantage over
ordinary people. The rich investor doesn’t need to
invest because he already has adequate money. He never feels
pressured to invest and does not become a fanatic about
making a quick, large profit.
There is a simple, certain and probably the
only definite path to becoming wealthy. To put it simply:
"Avoid losing money."
Pressure-cooker tactics
Some people lose money through poor
judgment or trusting people they perhaps shouldn’t have,
but many people - even those with sound judgment and common
sense - lose their money through greed and impatience.
The non-rich person usually feels pressured
to make money in a hurry. He invests as if he must. With his
limited resources he buys a few "blue chip" stocks
with yields of only two or three percent or tries to cut
corners and makes senseless investments on rumours he’s
heard, or based on "hunches", or "following
the crowd".
He tries to be too clever in areas in which
he has no knowledge, training nor expertise. He believes the
markets will win for him, without any understanding of how
the markets work or access to proper information or advice -
and then complains bitterly when he loses money because the
combination of greed and fear made him buy in at top and sell
out at bottom, instead of the other way round.
He is often in debt up to his eyeballs, has
a mortgage payment due, and credit card payments to make. He
may even use one credit card to pay off another, thus
compounding the debt. He is swamped with financial demands
and so often inadvertently over-pays for an investment simply
because he doesn’t understand value, yet feels pressured
to try to improve his poor financial situation.
Start early
Every young person can build great
wealth simply by disciplining him or herself to saving all he
or she can, and starting as early as possible.
By saving regularly, and placing those
savings on a steady basis in safe, income-producing
securities, that person will, in due time, be "out of
the pressure cooker." Then he or she can invest on equal
terms with wealthy investors.
Most people do not realise how difficult it
is to make a profit on speculative investments. They can
accept ‘risk’ but don’t realise that this can
easily translate into ‘loss’.
If you buy a stock at 50 per share and it
drops to 30, you’ve lost 40% of your money, plus
brokers’ fees. To make back the loss you need to make
about 100% on the next deal. It is not easy to double your
money quickly on the stock market, so many people go into
high-risk speculative investments - forex or commodities, to
cite just two examples - to try to make their "quick
killing", and all too often end up losing everything.
Compound growth compounds wealth
The only time an average person
should deviate from safe securities (or a balanced and
diversified investment strategy put together by trained
professionals) is when he finds a remarkable value. These
rarities must be undervalued, offer a good potential return,
and there must be evidence that they will rise in value.
You also have to check them out thoroughly
before making your bet. (Look what happened to investors who
rushed into that Indonesian gold mine scam!)
Even the "big boys" - the
international institutions that manage billions of dollars in
mutual funds and unit trusts - have teams of analysts,
economists and other experts going round the world constantly
looking for fundamental value and under-priced stocks. (Yet
all too often Joe Average buys on a rumour he heard in the
pub or some feeling or belief which, if asked, he would be
unable to explain in rational terms to anyone else...)
If you avoid the greed that puts you into
risky investments, a diligent compounded interest savings
program will, given time, make you wealthy.
Lord Rothschild called compound interest
"the Eighth Wonder of the World." The value of one
dollar invested at the time of Christ at 10% interest
compounded annually, would today be worth more than 17 globes
the size of our planet made of solid 24-carat gold.
The Rule of 72
The "Rule of 72"’
tells us how fast money compounds. Divide the annual growth
rate into the figure 72 and this will tell you the number of
years it will take for a given sum of money to double.
(This rule also applies to calculating how
soon inflation will halve your buying power.)
For example, if you receive 12% growth on
your assets, divide 12 into 72 and you will see that your
money will double in 6 years. Note also that, like a snowball
rolling downhill, your doubling doubles each 6 years, so even
a small amount becomes massive in just a few years.
(Alternatively, if you’re getting only
6% interest, it will take about 12 years to double, 24 to
quadruple.)
Since so few people understand the
incredible power of compound growth, let’s look at a
hypothetical model that will clarify this mystery.
Starting early pays off
Let us take the case of Jim and
Jane, who are considered adults at 18 years of age. Both use
a life-long, regular plan of saving US$1,000 a year.
Jane started saving $1,000 a year at 18,
continued this for 10 years, then saved no more (but did not
withdraw any of her funds.) Jim waited 10 years until his
28th birthday, then saved US$1,000 a year for the next 38
years.
Let us take a conservative annual growth
rate, including money growth, of 10%. (By money growth I
refer to the fact that there has nearly always been a growth
in money. One 1950 dollar could be expressed as about seven
or more dollars today, due to inflation.)
After only 10 years of
US$1,000-a-year-savings, when Jane reached the age of 65 this
initial $10,000 would have become $655,742. After deducting
the cost of her total investment ($10,000), her profit was
still a massive $645,742. She had paid herself back and her
money had increased more than 64 fold.
Jane also had the advantage of 37 years
before retirement, when she could take on bigger risks and
possibly become a billionaire. She could afford risks knowing
that as long as she did not take anything away from her
earlier 10 years’ savings, even in the worst case, she
could still retire wealthy.
Jim used the same system, but he waited 10
years before starting the compound growth miracle. Then, for
38 years, he paid in $1,000 a year - a total of $38,000. At
the age of 65 Jim had a total savings of $400,448. After
deducting the $38,000 he had invested, his net profit over
investment was $362,448.
To recap, Jane had invested $10,000 and
this had multiplied 64-fold after deducting the amounts paid
in. Jim invested $38,000 which gave him a 9-fold profit after
deducting the amount he paid in.
Analyse this model and you will see how the
rich become rich and why the poor tend to stay poor. Show
this incredibly simple model to your children, to enable them
to start saving early and to retire wealthy.
The important thing to learn from this
exercise is that the earlier you start your compound growth
savings program, the easier it is to get rich.
Live now, pay later
Yes, some sacrifices may be called
for in those early years. But they will more than repay
themselves later. Living life "to the full" may be
enjoyable, but can prove very expensive down the road when
the money isn’t there that could have been. And when
it’s too late to do anything about it, the sacrifices
forced upon you by circumstances and limited resources might
be even greater. You no longer have the freedom of choice.
Readers may dispute this model, citing 10%
growth as too high or low, and the lifetimes being either too
long or too short. However, even with whatever changes you
like in the scenario, this simple plan of starting a regular
savings plan and gaining compound growth is truly the most
reliable way to become wealthy.
A very wise and wealthy man told me when I
was young: "Don’t pay interest; collect it!"
How right he was. You might be surprised how much better one
sleeps when one owes no-one, and is, instead, collecting
interest every moment, day and night, year in and year out.
As they say, "Compound growth ploughs on Sunday."
If you have any comments or queries on this
article, or about other topics concerning investment matters,
write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or
fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at
[email protected]. Further details and back articles can
be accessed on his firm’s website on
www.westminsterthailand.com.
Leslie Wright is Managing Director of
Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of
independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate
residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial
planning and international investments.
by Laura Zubrod
When it comes to your pearly whites,
nutrition plays a key role. Healthy tooth development relies
on adequate calcium, phosphorus, magnesium, protein, vitamins
A, C, D, and fluoride.
Getting adequate nutrition for healthy
teeth begins even before birth. Teeth begin to form during
the sixth week of life in utero. Calcification of teeth
begins around the fourth month in the womb. Most of the
calcification of teeth is complete at birth. During the first
two years of life there is rapid growth of teeth and tooth
enamel is formed. By 7 to 8 years of age enamel formation has
been completed. During the adolescent growth spurt (14 to 16
years) final root structure and the second molars are formed.
If a nutritional deficiency is present
during critical periods of development, namely 2-3 months
before birth until about 2 years of age and again during the
adolescent growth spurt, damage to the teeth can be
irreversible. During these times the teeth are particularly
susceptible to vitamin deficiencies. Lack of vitamin A causes
abnormal enamel and dentin formation in primary and permanent
molars. Collagen formation of the connective tissue of the
mouth requires vitamin C. Vitamin D deficiency prevents
enamel from completely forming. The minerals phosphorus,
magnesium, fluoride, and calcium are essential for normal
enamel development. Fluorinated water and topical application
by a dentist help prevent tooth decay.
Once teeth have formed, good nutrition is
still important to keep them healthy. Some foods increase the
likelihood of forming dental caries or cavities, while some
do not affect your teeth and still others may actually
protect them.
Simple sugar, like table sugar, or the
sugar found in candy and fruit, is the most effective at
causing cavities. Starches like bread, noodles, and rice also
cause cavities. When sugar and starches are in the mouth,
bacteria living there have food to grow, increase in number,
and produce acid that lowers the pH of the mouth. A lower pH
causes demineralization or erosion of the tooth surface. Over
time, this exposure can cause enough erosion to produce a
cavity. Sugar and starches are especially harmful when they
are sticky and stay on the teeth. Gooey candy, sugary gum, or
sticky fruits like raisins can be damaging if the residue is
not brushed away.
The more often the oral bacteria have sugar
available, and the longer it remains in the mouth, the more
time the bacteria have to lower the pH and erode the
protective tooth enamel. Think about sipping on soda or juice
all day-your teeth are continually exposed to sugar and the
probability of forming cavities greatly increases. It’s
OK to eat sugary foods, just be sure to brush your teeth as
soon as possible afterward or chew sugarless gum which has
been shown to help prevent cavities.
Milk is important for good tooth
development but it also provides minerals that protect the
tooth surface. Another reason to drink your milk! Fat
protects teeth because it acts as an effective buffer against
the acids formed by oral bacteria. Cheese is higher in fat
and contains important minerals. Therefore, cheese is one of
the foods least likely to cause cavities as well as offering
some protection. In addition, peanuts, cocoa products, raw
vegetables, and foods high in protein do not contribute to
cavities and may inhibit their formation.
Bottle-fed babies can get a condition
called "baby bottle tooth decay" from being allowed
to suck on a bottle of milk or juice throughout the day or to
fall asleep with a bottle. Baby teeth can rot and cavities
can form rampantly before three years of age as a result.
This can cause damage to the underlying permanent teeth as
well. Although milk has protective qualities, it also has
lactose (a sugar) that can cause damage when it remains on
the teeth for long periods of time. Babies should begin
weaning from a bottle at 6 months and be drinking solely from
a cup by one year of age. A good rule to follow is that juice
should only be provided in a cup. The introduction of juice
at 6 months corresponds with the child’s digestive
abilities to handle juice and helps facilitate weaning from
the bottle.
Maintaining good dental health begins from
an early age and continues throughout life. Nutrition counts
when it comes to your teeth. Drink your milk, eat lots of
healthy foods, brush your teeth, see your dentist regularly,
and you’ll have plenty of reasons to keep smiling.
Readers may write Laura care of the Pattaya
Mail with questions or special topics they would like to
see addressed.