Winebibber’s Grapevine

Dear Hillary,

Nine months ago I met and fell in love with a man via Internet. His thoughts were so like my own. I felt I had met my soul’s twin. Soon it turned into telephone conversations. Our bond grew very strong. But we lived too far apart and wanted a life together. I sold my business and moved to his hometown, Pattaya. My dream come true became a nightmare. I saw earlier that he can be verbally abusive, but I thought we could work things out. But his venting is destroying my self-esteem. He refuses to see how much his words hurt me and continues to express his ‘brutal opinion’. He is self-righteous and his ego is big. He can’t stand to lose an argument, no matter what or who is at stake. After an argument, he walks away, seemingly unscathed, but harbors silent pain. He claims he is used to emotional bashing from previous marriages as part of life I feel emotionally battered to the point of physical illness.

When something is wrong he coaxes me to open up to him. I reluctantly let him into my mind and heart. He sees my weaknesses, and later uses my own words against me, twisting the words in such a way as to provide supportive ammunition to his arguments. If I recoil or compare his accusations to his own actions, he becomes defensive and angry. So do I. That’s when the emotional battering begins. He wants emotional support, but is not willing to emotionally support. The few times I have reached him, he has cried and apologized, promising to never repeat his actions, but he does.

I left everything I had for him. I do love this man and want for us to have a future together, work out our differences. He can be the most gentle, loving person. He tells me he loves me several times a day - and believes it. I know he does. But our lifestyle is different. I believe in creating a financial nest egg. He despises the thought of it. Currently, because his business went bad, he is now working for a company and feels hateful. He feels he is too good for it, but claims he is doing it for me.

I still want to support his dreams like I used to, but I need him to do the same for me. I need him to stop hurting me and realize that I am truly his best friend. But I now fear communication.

Sensitive

Dear Sensitive,

You’re in a tough spot and no matter what you choose to do, it’s not going to be easy.

The problem is that he is not taking responsibility for his own actions. His business didn’t work out, so now he has a job he doesn’t want, and he blames you for it. Yet, he is responsible. He did not come into this relationship with the understanding that you would support him, so his income is also his responsibility. This is called being a responsible adult. It is the same obligation we all have. The same way counts for the nest egg for the future and in the way the two of you interact in your personal life. He is bashing you emotionally to vent his frustration over everything that is not just as he wishes it to be, with no thought to what he is doing to you in the process. There is a cost associated with each and every thing we do, and he is indulging in the luxury of angry outbursts without regard to the cost of them. However, he can only do that with your cooperation. He needs to clearly understand what he is doing to you. That means that the next time he says something hurtful to you, don’t let it pass. Tell him that he is hurting your feelings; that he makes you cry. Tell him that you can’t be treated like this and be ok. We fall in love with a person because of the way we feel about ourselves when we’re with that person. Let him know that the way he behaves makes you feel bad. And your love will eventually be killed if he continues to make you feel bad about yourself and your life when you are with him.

A person can be brilliant, and yet be emotionally underdeveloped so that all that intelligence doesn’t help. That is likely the case with your man. Accept the fact that you cannot change him and you have no control over whether or not he chooses to change himself. Decide how much time you are willing to give him to make the changes that will result in him treating you as an equal and a partner and someone he loves. Then decide what you will do if he fails to make those changes. Sit down with him and tell him of your decisions. Don’t let this become an argument. You do not have to defend your choices or justify them to him, in any way, just explain them so that he understands what needs to change, and what will happen if it doesn’t. In order to make it work, you have to be willing to let go of the dream of how it could be, if it turns out to be only a dream. Knowing what a wonderful man he could be makes it hard to accept that he chooses not to be that man. But if that’s the case, you must accept it and move on with your life.

  Modern Medicine: Triglycerides

Presented by Bangkok-Pattaya Hospital

by Dr. Iain Corness

It is always nice for any contributor to a publication to find that someone is actually reading it! So, thank you, Walter D, for the kind words and let’s deal with your question - Triglycerides.

Everyone has heard of Cholesterol, but poor old Triglycerides have been left back-stage by comparison. Like our friend Cholesterol, Triglycerides are just another of the blood fats which float around the body, and we medical folks refer to these blood fats as "Lipids". The condition in the human whereby any of these blood fat levels is elevated is called "Dyslipidaemia", so this covers excess Cholesterol (Hypercholesterolaemia) and/or excess Triglycerides (Hypertriglyceridaemia). We love those long words! I have been known to say that the medical course has to be six years - one year for the knowledge and instruction and five years to learn how to spell the big words!

There is no specific illness or disease caused by high Triglycerides. The elevated level is purely another "risk" factor in the likelihood of your developing atherosclerotic arterial disease. (That’s when you clog up your arteries with the fatty gloop). However, there are some conditions which we know are often found in patients with an increase in Triglycerides. The most significant is Diabetes and Alcoholism, but many people with elevated Triglycerides have actually inherited the disposition from either parent. So, in common with many of our failings, we can blame it on the family!

To lower Triglycerides it is necessary to ensure there is no Diabetes and to lower alcohol intake (especially a problem with males). After that it is a good plan to look at "lifestyle" factors such as exercise. Aerobic exercise is good for you, whilst "anaerobic" exercise is definitely a no-no for anyone with increased cardiac risk factors. (Walking, jogging, mat exercises are fine - Squash is out, in my opinion, for anyone over the age of 35.) Obesity should be countered and dietary restriction in total fats to less than 30% of total calories will also help.

Now, if despite all the modifications to "lifestyle" factors you still have an elevated Triglyceride level there’s no need to slash the wrists just yet! There are some very effective medications available to lower Triglycerides (just as there are some specific Cholesterol lowering agents as well). A pharmaceutical item called Gemfibrozil is excellent for reducing the level. An older drug, Nicotinic Acid is also quite effective, especially when given in conjunction with the Omega-3 Fish Oils, in my experience.

However, to see if you have a Dyslipidaemia problem you must consult the doctor and have some blood tests arranged. Make an appointment today!

  Family Money

By Leslie Wright

Risk and Return

Any investment carries a certain element of risk. Before making any investment, therefore, this has to be weighed against the expected return.

The return from a bank deposit - like any other investment - has to be weighed against the risks involved.

Most people regard a bank account as a safe, low risk investment. But is this always the case?

If you’re dealing with a hard-currency deposit in a major international bank, then the risk of the bank folding up is fairly small (although the case of Baring’s Bank a couple of years back should serve as a reminder that it cannot be entirely dismissed.)

This relatively small risk aside, the only significant risk in this case is potential currency movements.

Currency risks

If your deposit is in a currency other than your base currency (the one you think in) or the currency you spend most of, then movements up or down of your deposited currency relative to these other two may significantly affect the real interest rate you earn.

For example, if you’re British and living in Thailand, your base currency could be Sterling or it could be Thai Baht.

You might, however, be working on a contract here whereby you’re partly paid in U.S. Dollars.

If you are able to save a proportion of that Dollar income, and place it into a U.S. Dollar time-deposit account, you will probably be earning interest of perhaps 5% (give or take a few percentage points, depending on the amount and bank concerned.)

If you converted that Dollar deposit to Sterling, however, you’d probably obtain a higher rate of interest - but run the risk of Sterling depreciating against the U.S. Dollar in the meantime by more than the difference you gain in interest rates, thus more than offsetting this difference.

For quite some time now Sterling has remained at a relatively high and remarkably stable exchange rate against the U.S. Dollar. Some analysts see this as artificially high, however, maintained because significant amounts of European money have been exchanged into Sterling deposits as Sterling is seen by many as a hedge currency against the Euro.

Should this liquidity be removed, or changes occur in various other influencing factors, Sterling is predicted by some to drop quite sharply against the Dollar. Your lower-interest earning U.S. Dollar deposits would then be worth more in international buying power than the higher-interest earning Sterling deposits.

This may not be so important if you need Sterling to pay bills (such as school fees or mortgage repayments) in the U.K. or plan to return there permanently; but it is significant if you are primarily spending money abroad in the international arena.

Higher interest; higher risk

A similar argument applies to any other third currency - and of course to deposits in Thai Baht which have been earning significantly higher rates of interest than either U.S. Dollars or Sterling deposits.

As has been mentioned in this column before, when considering these higher rates of interest - some of which can be enticingly high from certain local banks - the stability factor of not only the currency but also the bank in question has to be taken into consideration.

This is especially significant in light of the fact that no investor protection legislation is in effect in Thailand - unlike the U.K., for example, where your bank deposits are guaranteed by law up to a certain limit in the event the bank should be "unable to meet its obligations", as it’s so quaintly phrased.

Should a local bank decide to close its doors one day, it could take a very long time to get your money back (as was the case with BICC some years ago, not to mention numerous other less-well publicised bank failures around the world over the past decade.)

Despite local governmental platitudes to the contrary, a cynic would find it hard to believe the Thai government would immediately pay out 100% of all depositor’s claims from their own limited resources (assuming these were sufficient to meet the demand) - an action that would exceed even the U.K.’s legal obligations in the event of the failure of a bank in what is a much more stable and highly-regulated regime...

For several months now local banks have been negotiating with various major international banks to increase their liquidity by selling them substantial amounts of equity shareholding. This is good news for local depositors, and has certainly raised the credibility of (and lowered the risk attached to deposits in) those local banks who have been successful in this endeavour.

However, several local banks have not yet closed such sell-off deals, and some are seen as unlikely to, according to reports published elsewhere.

The risk of these banks being potentially forced to close up is therefore still a factor which needs to be considered when deciding where to place Thai Baht deposits.

It is worth remembering that banks make their money, and pass some of this on as interest to depositors, by lending money to others.

It is not unreasonable to conclude that someone who is willing or forced to pay higher rates of interest to borrow from Bank A rather than Bank B has a lower credit rating than someone who was able to borrow at a lower rate of interest from Bank B.

Inherent in this is the greater risk that Bank A takes on of not being able to recover the loan from the less credit-worthy borrower. This in turn is passed on to depositors by offering them higher interest on deposits, to obtain the liquidity to support the loans to these less credit-worthy borrowers.

A very simple scenario, and it doesn’t take much common sense to work it out.

Unfortunately, when considering with which bank to place deposits, too many people allow their common sense to be overwhelmed by an enticingly higher interest rate - which of course is exactly what the bank in question hopes will happen!

Next week: risks attached to investing in property.

If you have any comments or queries on this article, or about other topics concerning investment matters, write to Leslie Wright, c/o Family Money, Pattaya Mail, or fax him directly on (038) 232522 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Further details and back articles can be accessed on his firm’s website on www.westminsterthailand.com.

Leslie Wright is Managing Director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd., a firm of independent financial advisors providing advice to expatriate residents of the Eastern Seaboard on personal financial planning and international investments.

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