AUTO MANIA

by Dr. Iain Corness
Austrian GP

The Austrian GP is on this weekend and the F1 enthusiasts will be congregating in Shenanigans in front of the big screen (it’s a beauty) for the green light which will be at 7 p.m. this Sunday May 12. Come and join us.

Frentzen in the Arrows

So what were the lessons learned from Spain? Well, with big Schumacher being almost double the points score of second placed Juan Pablo Montoya within five Grand Prix’s, it would be a brave man who would not concede that Schumi and the Ferrari F2002 are the class act of this year. Whilst it could be said that Rooby Baby Barichello has had a lot of “bad luck” I am firmly of the opinion that in motor racing you make your own luck. If Roob’s car breaks down more than Michael’s then you have to come to the decision that he is harder on the machinery, as well as being not as quick. I still predict that Ferrari will not renew Barichello’s contract when it runs out at the end of this year. Rooby Baby is a number two who is too emotional for the precise German number one.

Another lesson learned from Spain is that Minardi boss Paul Stoddart has a conscience and is prepared to make the difficult decisions when he has to. To withdraw both cars after they had two separate front wing failures on Saturday and then a rear wing failure on the Sunday morning was a courageous one, especially as they had the front wings flown back to Italy for reinforcing overnight. It is a difficult call when you have multi-million dollar sponsors expecting TV exposure, but was the correct one. Having said nice things about Minardi, I still say that Alex Yoong should not be out there. To get the much-vaunted “Super License” when you haven’t won a race in any circuit racing formula is a joke.

The Spanish circuit was certainly hard on front wings, with BMW Williams fitting new ones more often than front wheels. Little Schumi had the ultimate ignominy of big brother stopping beside his smoking, steaming race car and asking if he wanted a lift back to the pits!

David Coulthard back on the podium. Did he deserve it? No way. He was outclassed by team mate Kimi Raikkonen who not only outqualified him but also would have been much closer to Montoya than DC could get. Unfortunately Raikkonen’s car was another to have a wing failure in Spain, but a rear one this time.

What else did we see? Massa in the Sauber has raw talent and Heinz-Harry Frentzen hasn’t lost any of his skill. He deserved the one point for 6th. Sauber continue to impress, with quick reliable cars and drivers, more than can be said for Jordan and Jaguar. With Bill Ford not the slightest bit interested in F1, and Eddie (the mouth) Irvine being the highest paid employee in the whole Ford organization, what do you think is going to happen? Put your money on Jaguar pulling out, even before the end of the year. You read it here first!

The F1 world championship standings

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
9
11
11
13

Michael Schumacher
Juan Pablo Montoya
Ralf Schumacher
David Coulthard
Jenson Button
Rubens Barrichello
Nick Heidfeld
Kimi Raikkonen
Eddie Irvine
= Felipe Massa
Mark Webber
= Mika Salo
Heinz-Harald Frentzen

Ferrari
WilliamsF1
WilliamsF1
McLaren
Renault
Ferrari
Sauber
McLaren
Jaguar
Sauber
Minardi
Toyota
Arrows

44
23
20
9
8
6
5
4
3
3
2
2
1

Now look at those who have scored a big fat zero after 5 GP’s

Giancarlo Fisichella
Takuma Sato
Jacques Villeneuve
Olivier Panis
Jarno Trulli
Pedro de la Rosa
Enrique Bernoldi
Alex Yoong
Alan McNish

Jordan
Jordan
BAR
BAR
Renault
Jaguar
Arrows
Minardi
Toyota

Jordan and BAR are the only teams not to have scored any points with either driver. Both teams run Honda engines. Do you think the Honda power plant is good enough? I certainly do not. I think it has the same basic problem as the Renault engine had last year - it vibrates so much it shakes the car to death. We shall see.
Natter, Nosh and Noggin

The car (and bike) enthusiasts will be meeting again this Monday night (13th) at Shenanigans Pub at 7 p.m. This is a totally informal meeting of like minded souls which meets on the second Monday of the month to discuss their pet motoring loves and hates. It is free to join and I suggest that you bring along magazines or photographs so that the group can get involved in the discussion. Generally we have something to eat while we are there and wash it down with something amber, hence the name, Natter, Nosh and Noggin. Just ask any of the lovely Shenanigans girls where Dr. Iain and the group are and they will point us out and give you a push. See you Monday 13th.

Grace, Space and Pace

Jaguar X-Type

That was the slogan for Jaguar cars many years ago. Now the advertising slogan is “The art of performance.” For some versions of the X-Type, this may be so, but it is hardly true for the 2 litre front wheel drive entry level X-Type. The all wheel drive 2.5 litre and 3 litre Jaguars have some grunt and are reasonably quick motor cars - but the 2 litre is a slug. Try 0-100 kph in 9.4 seconds. That is slower than a Toyota Camry, not thought of as a sporting machine. The art of performance? I hardly think so. Interestingly the USA rejected the 2 litre FWD X-Type as being contrary to the good name that Jaguar (under Reitzle) had been building up. The real reason is that the FWD X-Type is a Ford Mondeo with a better suit of clothes. Looks like the other Jaguars, but it is really only a “copy Jaguar” for my money.
Why I hate accountants

Triumph Dolomite, photo nicked from Classic Car magazine

Last week I mentioned the fact that bean counters have been the reason for some appalling problems in the motor industry. One of my favourite writers on things automotive engineering-wise is Carrol Smith, and it was Smith who wrote, “The function of a bean counter is to tell me how many beans I’ve got - not to tell me how to spend my beans!” A classic example of what happens when the bean counters get in charge was with the Triumph Dolomite Sprint of 1972. The early cars featured a nitrided steel, fully balanced crankshaft - but of course, this was expensive. “Make it cheaper” was the bean counters’ demand and British Leyland dropped the high performance crank and substituted a cast iron one which proved to be unreliable, so the reputation of the Dolomite plummeted, sales fell disastrously and eventually it was goodnight nurse. Another “triumph” (sorry about that!) for the bean counters.

It has also been rumoured that Reitzle’s resignation from Ford’s Premier Automotive Group came because of bean counter intervention by the Ford cost cutting programme. The Jaguar X type in particular. You read it here first!

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week I wrote about the wildly styled “Smart” which is so short it can be parked sideways and not stick out into the traffic. However, there was one long before, which could be parked that way and was certainly a “mini” car. I wanted the name of this car, and the date, and the clue was that it was British!

It was the Minissima, a clever contraption using the Mini front sub-frame and A series BMC engine, so making it front wheel drive. Entry was through the rear door and it was designed by William Towns, the styling man for the Aston Martin DBS and the Lagonda. BMC (or British Leyland as it was by then) did not go ahead with it and eventually a bicycle maker called Elswick got it, renamed it the Envoy and made a wider rear door so that wheelchair access could be done, making it a car for paraplegics. Unfortunately, it didn’t sell in this form either.

So to this week. Study this car.

It was shown at the motor shows in 1992 and was designed by a gentleman in his mid 80’s. It had a VW engine and steered by both front and rear wheels. A GRP body clothed it and so now, what was its name?

For the Automania FREE beer this week, be the first correct answer to fax 427 596 or email [email protected]

Good luck!