by Dr. Iain
Corness
Albert Mele is an accountant with the Nigerian National
Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), in Lagos. As such, he is in a position of
trust within the Nigerian Government. He is a most interesting man, with
world-wide connections.
Photo
unavailable, as the not-so-good doctor wishes to remain anonymous..
Albert was born just outside Lagos, the ninth boy in a
family of fourteen. His father was a small time farmer, a duty he combined
with small time pick pocketing. He attended the local school infrequently,
as he had begun to make a reasonable living by pimping for his three
teenage sisters. Despite offers from his sisters to also enjoy their
favours in lieu of the small 80% handling fee he was forced to charge
them, he always refused, as incest is a sin, and sinning was something
Albert wished to stay away from.
By his mid-teens Albert still had no idea of his true
calling in life, but a news programme about the Yakuza was to change his
life forever. While helping some of his friends remove some goods from a
store after hours, he caught his left fifth finger in the revolving door,
neatly amputating the digit. He was now eligible for entry to the famed
Japanese group!
Unfortunately, he found that membership of the Yakuza
was restricted to Japanese. Outraged by this show of racial prejudice,
Albert decided to redress this situation. The best way, he figured, was to
take some of the wealth held by the ‘non-blacks’ and distribute this
to his own countrymen, after deducting a small 80% handling fee, as had
been the case with his younger sisters.
With this new desire to start getting large licks of
money, Albert needed to learn to count to sums greater than ten. With nine
fingers, this was difficult, but suddenly he realised that joining the
Yakuza was not the only prospect open for him. There was accountancy! The
ideal career path for any nine fingered young man.
An uncle in a large government agency was the only
stepping stone he now needed. Uncle Mogambo, for a very reasonable sum
(since Albert was “family”), arranged for the necessary papers and
Albert received his accountancy degree.
Albert had a meteoric career. With his confident air,
the “Yakuza” badge and a flick knife in his pocket, he soon had the
respect of those around him. Seeing that certain dictators in the
Philippines were putting 15% on the top of all deals, he began to work on
a similar “investment” programme for Nigeria.
Initially this went well, but with the downturn in
Nigerian investment, his 15% did not amount to much. Suddenly he knew what
to do. This would return a good investment for himself, and redress the
racial financial inequality - that old score he wished to settle.
The idea was simple enough - appeal to the
‘non-blacks’ greed by offering the chance of untold millions of
dollars, and then make money through ‘handling charges’ that needed to
be paid up front. His old training with his younger sisters was proving to
be the ideal apprenticeship.
The only factor missing from the equation was the
“client list” - those people who would rise to the bait of something
like US$30 million. It only took a small outlay to his local hacker for
Albert to gain email addresses from all over the world and his new venture
was underway. Some of his email offers fell on stony ground, but others
came back to him like homing pigeons, trussed, plucked and ready for
roasting!
The concept was simple. The money is promised to be
transferred “next week”, but there is a theoretical release document
required by the Bank of Nigeria which is a tax, based on 1% of the
transfer sum. This comes to US$300,000, which has to be paid up front.
Since it is a “paper” entry only, Albert “demonstrates” his
trustworthiness by offering to “pay” US$250,000, if the other party
will remit the balance of only US$50,000. The bait is set and the hook is
ready.
Unfortunately, after the release document is faxed to
the client, there will be another hurdle to overcome before the money can
be remitted, usually in that Albert has to grease the palms of some
unscrupulous government officials. Albert, after theoretically scraping
together the US$250,000, now has no money and the client will have to
cough up the paltry US$25,000, but then the money will be transferred.
Again, unfortunately, just after the lump of money is
transferred from the client to Albert, the government will change and
another new group of shady officials will have to be paid off.
Albert’s plan is elegantly simple, and shows what a
young chap, with no formal schooling, nine fingers and three sisters on
the game, can do. Albert is a success! And if you think I have been
exaggerating, here is the letter I received from Albert last week. Read,
digest and remember.
“Attention: Managing Director/CEO - Permission to
remit US$30million into your company or private account.
“Dear Sir, It is my pleasure to write and inform you
of a transaction involving the transfer of US$30,000,000.00 (thirty
million US dollars) into a foreign account for safekeeping pending my
arrival with my colleagues for sharing with you as the account owner.
“I am an accountant with the Nigerian National
Petroleum Corporation (NNPC), Lagos and this money originated from an
over-invoiced contract executed for the corporation some years back. This
contract has been completed by a foreign firm and the contractor duly
paid. We now seek if you would permit the surplus to be remitted into your
account. As a matter of fact, we are top government officials and we
cannot come out openly to claim this amount. This transaction is 100% risk
free. Hence it requires high level of confidence and secrecy. Thanks and I
look forward to your positive reply. My deepest prayers for you. Yours
faithfully, Dr Albert Mele.”
I sleep soundly knowing Albert is praying for me!
