The nice people at BMW Thailand asked if I would like to test their X-5, and when asked by any manufacturer, I always end up agreeing, but when it is BMW there are no second thoughts - the cars are always presented properly, sparkling clean and there are always the drivers manuals in the glove box. I may be a car tester, but I would much rather learn from the book than by trial and error, with some of the switch-gear in modern vehicles.

BMW 330iA

However, a couple of days before delivery, I was told that the X-5 was no longer available (that, gentle reader, is usually car industry talk for “the last motoring journo did it an injury”) but would I like the BMW 330iA instead? Would I? Yes I would, as there are few other BeeEmms I would like to drive more, other than the M3 or the Z9.

First impressions always count, they say. When I got the bronze 330iA back to the office I parked outside and the car drew comment immediately. It has a crouching stance, and on the massive 17 inch alloys mounted with low profile 225’s on the front and 245’s on the back, it looks as if it means business. My local taxi motorcycle riders all gave it the thumbs up too and made even more space for it. This is an honour, believe me!

It did not take long to personalise the car to my needs as far as seating, wheel height, mirror positions and such, with most everything electrically controlled and then the settings saved in the car’s memory. There are also memory positions for more drivers, so ‘her indoors’ can have her driving position too (if you let her get behind the wheel). BMW have been in the business of building ‘drivers’ cars long enough that the ergonomics of the man/machine interface were perfect. In other words, the seat could be adjusted to accommodate any ‘normal’ human being, the gearshift lever was at hand, you could see the instruments and the steering wheel was in the right place. And even more importantly, you could reach the pedals. The exterior mirrors have a button on the driver’s door to fold the mirrors in and out and the reflective surfaces are aspherically curved, so that you can squeeze in that little bit of extra coverage to try and avoid blind spots.

The interior of the car reeks quality, but then at three point five five million baht, it damn well should. Herds of slaughtered cows cover the seats and door trims, with acres of swish pile carpets under foot. The dash is understated too, and hallelujah, a rotary knob to control the volume from the radio/cassette/CD player. The usual niceties were there as well, with an on-board computer to work out how many clicks before the next pit stop and half degree increments in the air-conditioning. There are many tricky stowage spaces with sliding shutters as well, but none designed to accept audio cassettes. Well, I couldn’t find one, but I only had the car four days and let me assure you that you need more than four days to get to know this BMW.

Passive safetywise BMW have not been behind the 8 ball either, with 8 airbags for driver and passengers, and side bags too. If you must try and derail the Orient Express, then the Beemer would be the way to go - and step out of it afterwards.

The engine on the 330iA (the BMW numbering shows the vehicle to be a 3 series of 3.0 litres engine capacity) is an inline 6 that develops 161 kW or 219 bhp in the old money. It is a willing and very responsive unit, and totally “unfussy” hot or cold. It appeared to have smooth power delivery right the way through the range and is certainly no slouch, with reported 0-100 kph times of 6.5 seconds.

The transmission is a dual unit - fully automatic, or swing the lever to the left and you have a sequential 5 speed clutchless Steptronic. With the flexibility of the engine, and the fact that the kick-down in auto mode was almost instantaneous, the Steptronic seemed a little unnecessary. Add to that the fact that the electronic brain will hold the transmission in the lower automatic mode ratios, right the way through to red-line if you keep the welly in. During the track test, I did use the Steptronic, just because I wanted to keep it in the right gear through and out of the corners, but I came away thinking that there was damn all in it, just leaving it in D for Drive.

Steering this BMW was a delight. Good ‘feel’ at all speeds and pin-point accuracy. You can place the car at the exact right position in the corners, time and time again. Another reason why the 330iA became a vehicle you felt you could do anything in. An example of this was on a quick blast along some of our twisty dual carriageways. My passenger was not someone used to fast travel and when we swept around lesser mortals who were hanging on to their respective steering wheels with grim death, white knuckles and hope, she burst out laughing. In the BeeEmm it was just so effortless.

Again, hearkening back to the track (a venue where you can explore the dizzy outer limits in safety), the lack of body roll in this 330iA was impressive. The car felt just so stable, at any speed. It was a true “sports” sedan, and the road holding was exceptional. The chassis dynamics are also impressive. The damping being firm, controlling the car under any variations of road surface, including those annoying “humps” on Motorway 7.

Believe me when I say that this 330iA is a very fast machine. Totally illegal speeds come up very quickly, but BMW have supplied the driver with very large disc brakes, with ABS naturally, that will wash the speed off just as quickly. Combined with the steering response, this makes the vehicle exceptionally nimble. With all the electronic “smarts” that are built into this car - for example it will hold the car in gear further up the rev range when it sees the driver is pressing on a bit - the impression you get is the electronic brain saying, “So you’re up to it! So am I!”

As far as “driving” this car was concerned, I could find very little to fault it. It is a driver’s car, one in which you can enjoy the art of driving a ‘real’ car. But, yes, there was something I did not like. While going round the car, let me get my one big beef off my chest - the boot lid. The book shows dinky little finger slots in the boot lid lining to be able to draw the boot lid down. I’m damned if I could use them, so you revert to the hand on the top of the boot lid technique, which invariably required two to three goes at getting it closed (the counterbalance was too strong) and so invariably left grubby hand prints on the offending item. Sounds petty, I know, but we are talking about a motor vehicle that had been exemplary up to that point.

For a rapid touring car, the 63 litre fuel tank seemed to have enough capacity, but don’t ask me what my fuel consumption figures were. I have always contended that petrol is the cheapest item you put into any car, and when the vehicle in question costs 3.55 million baht, are you going to quibble at fuel consumption figures? For the record, an American auto mag claimed it returned 24 miles per gallon with the 330. Me? I don’t care!

So how do you sum up a car that costs around the same price as a two bedroom house? For my money, it is worth it if you are a real driver, because this is a real driver’s car. For my money, I would get more enjoyment from this financial investment in the BMW than I would ever do from a house in the suburbs, but then, I never was all that practical about such things.

BMW can leave a 330iA in my garage any day - unfortunately they didn’t! The test vehicle was supplied by BMW Thailand.