HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:

Family Money

Snap Shot

Modern Medicine

Heart to Heart with Hillary

Bits ‘n’ Bobs

Personal Directions

Social Commentary by Khai Khem

Women’s World

Family Money: Tracking Managers

By Leslie Wright,
Managing director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd.

Many investors fall into the trap of buying funds on the back of past performance league tables. Understandably, it is assumed the funds that came top over the last one, three or five years are probably the best ones to pick. Unfortunately selecting a good fund is not as easy as that.

Apart from the fact that the source of your information may be biased (who’s giving you the information, and to what end?), or inadequate (even the financial trade papers only publish performance figures of those funds they’re paid to list), there’s a lot more to selecting a particular fund to represent a particular sector in your portfolio’s strategic mix than last year’s performance ranking – although I grant that this is an influencing factor. Indeed, for many amateur investors, the one and only deciding factor.

But one should also ask: how did that fund achieve its result? Was it good judgement, or good luck? And how did the manager perform the year before, and the year before that? Has he shown consistent above-average performance, or has it been like a roller coaster? If so, why? Nature of the fund? Nature of the market? Or personality trait of the manager?

One of the main reasons why it is so dangerous to act on past performance tables is that staff turnover in the fund management industry is very high. When you study a performance table there is a high chance that the numbers you are looking at were achieved by someone who has since moved on.

In a recent survey of the worst performing onshore UKbased funds, it was found that 77% of the funds identified had experienced at least one change of fund manager over the past three years. For expats investing in offshore funds the implications are just as pronounced.

There are numerous reasons for the high level of turnover. Consolidation among financial institutions has been a major global trend and some managers inevitably leave in the resulting reorganisation. Another factor has been a brain drain from mainstream fund companies into hedge fund boutiques. A further driver of fund manager turnover has been the fostering of a “star manager” culture that means the leading performers become highly poachable.

Do individual managers really matter? The answer is a qualified “yes”, though the extent varies. At one extreme there are funds designed simply to replicate the behaviour of an index or that operate according to a rigidly defined quantitative model. In these cases, the impact of human judgment is minimised so change in personnel is less important.

At the other end of the spectrum are funds where the managers have considerable freedom: essentially investors are being asked to back the personal judgment of a “star”. This especially applies to many hedge funds.

Most funds are somewhere in the middle of these two extremes, requiring their managers to operate within certain parameters and constraints. For example, the extent to which a manager can take a bet for or against a sector or major stock in an index may be limited to a specified percentage. Other managers must primarily select their stocks from a company-approved “core list” or “model portfolio” drawn up by the institution’s research department. (This restraint commonly applies to private banking services which claim to provide personalised portfolio management services with your own portfolio manager – but typically put your money into the bank’s one-size-fits-all conservative portfolio designed by The Powers upstairs.)

But even in these cases, the buck ultimately stops with the lead manager; individual fund managers are, therefore, still the most important ingredient in the recipe. So when you are selecting an investment fund it is essential that you link past performance to the manager you are buying today. Only a handful of funds have been managed by the same individual for more than a decade. And these managers may be nearing retirement or burn-out.

A further problem with analysing a manager’s past performance is whether or not they have simply been lucky. Many investment advisers will assess performance on a three- or fiveyear view, but you should never underestimate the role of chance when looking at such relatively short periods. (Yes: three years is considered a short period in the investment world!) It has been demonstrated statistically that over one year, a group of monkeys can select as many winners as a group of professionals. Even over three years there remains a significant probability that out-performance is simply due to luck. Only over longer periods – 5, 10, 20 years – do the professionals consistently outperform the monkeys.

Of course, no matter how sophisticated an approach you take to studying a fund manager’s past record, this will never be a precise predictor of the future. For example, even managers with long records of out-performance at acceptable levels of volatility can still be lured away to run a new fund with an unattractive structure, remit or high charges. And qualitative research can also highlight other concerns such as growth in fund size (very large funds may become more difficult to manage, or simply have too much money to invest – as happened with Fidelity’s giant Magellan Fund.) Or a manager may now have too many other distractions (directorships, additional management responsibilities and so on). It is essential to dig behind the figures and take a view on these issues.

The key message for investors is that it is important to be sceptical about buying a fund purely on superficial past performance. Of course we all know the caveat that’s on every fund brochure: “Past performance is not an indication of future performance.” That same caveat should perhaps be attached to the manager, not just the fund he is managing. So it is very important to have a clear idea of who is running the fund today before committing to a purchase. Once you have invested, it is vital to monitor the fund for personnel changes: former top performing funds can deteriorate if the manager leaves and the replacement is not of sufficient calibre. A change of manager always requires a thorough reappraisal as to whether you stay in the fund or take your capital elsewhere.

Snap Shot: Opportunity knocks!

by Harry Flashman

Sometimes photography can be just a case of grasping an opportunity. In fact, in the world of Public Relations they even use words such as, “There will be a photo opportunity with the President after the Press conference.”

Take a look at this week’s photo. This was a straight out case of seizing the opportunity and had a humorous result. Harry had been approached by a hopeful young model who was looking to get a portfolio together. This is a bundle of shots they drag around the modelling agencies, hoping that they will get some work. The rewards can be enormous, but only a very few get to the top where the enormous rewards are.

I had also been approached by a young make-up artist who wanted a bunch of photographs to show the same modelling agencies just what she could produce. It seemed a natural to bring these two hopefuls together for a session at the studio.

On the appointed day we looked across the street and some aerosol can bandit had sprayed “Violence grows” on the wall - and the first opportunity presented itself. “Let’s use the wall as the background for a shot where the model is made up to look like a punk rocker.”

The make-up artist went to work while my assistant and I scoured the wardrobe area of the studio. The model already had the black tights and white boots, her boyfriend had the leather jacket and we had the string vest and the chain, a regulation hardware shop item.

We also decided that we should have a couple of aerosol cans to do one shot as if the model were the graffiti artist, so we added those to the equipment we would take down to the shooting area. Harry even remembers the colour - Planet Purple - an important part of this tale.

We set up the model in position, the camera was on a tripod because I wanted to take some slow shutter speed shots to give an impression of movement in the chain and the assistant had the flash unit. We had taken only a couple of shots when up draws a police car - “Whose in charge round here?” said the most gorgeous lady police officer Harry had ever seen. “I am” said Harry sauntering over to the car.

By this stage Harry is thinking that the greatest opportunity of all time was presenting itself. Gorgeous police officer “arresting” punk rocker photo - all the ingredients were right there. This idyllic notion quickly disappeared with the words “I am going to arrest you for defacing public property” from said gorgeous police lady!

Still hopeful Harry laughed and said, “It wasn’t us, we’re just taking a photograph of this young model.” “So where did the aerosol cans come from?” she barked. It was then I looked at the colour on the wall - white. Our cans were Planet Purple! Eventually gorgeous police lady believed the story and they moved on. Harry did not suggest she pose for the ultimate shot seen in his mind’s eye.

So we photographed the model without the aerosol spray paint cans and just relied on the make-up, outfit and the chain for the effect. The shutter speed selected was 1/8th of a second and this was slow enough to show a little movement in the chain, but not as much as I had hoped, but the model did well to remain still during the exposure. Harry thinks you will agree that the end result was good and in fact the young lady and the make-up artist both got work from that day of seized opportunity. However, like fisherman, the opportunistic shot that “got away” still lives on!

Of course, the moral of this story is that you should always look out for shots that may present themselves to you. It also means that you have a camera at the ready. And it also means you have to have your excuses at the ready too! Think on your feet!

Modern Medicine: Cataract

by Dr Iain Corness, Consultant

The official definition of Cataract is an opacity in the ocular lens that reduces visual acuity to 20/30 or less (normal is 20/20). Put in simpler terms, the lens in your eye, through which you see and focus, becomes opaque.

When you are a younger adult then your lens is perfectly clear and able to be ‘bent’ by the muscles in the eye so that you can focus the eye to read. As you get older, generally after the age of 40, the lens begins to get opacities and the ability to ‘bend’ the lens enough to read at close distances is lost. This is why most of us, over the age of 45, need reading glasses to see the newspaper clearly. Either that or longer arms.

Cataracts themselves are actually classified in four types, depending upon where they are in the lens, but you can have more than one type in your lens. As time goes on, the lens opacities increase and eventually you cannot see properly, even with glasses. The condition, though progressive, is painless.

So apart from age, what else can predispose you to getting cataracts? Guess what? Number 1 on the list is smoking, followed by poor nutrition and steroids and exposure to UV light.

There is no ‘magic tablet’ either to reverse the process in the lens, the only ‘cure’ is removal of the opaque, hardened item and replacement with an Intra Ocular Lens, known in the ophthalmological trade as an IOL. IOL’s have been around since the 1940’s, but it is fairly recent that they have become cheap to manufacture and the surgical side has become so exact.

To show just how commonplace the operation is these days, 1.5 million cataract extractions were done in the USA in 1992 and of those, 1.425 million received an IOL. The operation these days is very quick and almost fool-proof, and can even be done under local anaesthetic if required.

During the operation, the capsule of the lens is opened and the cataract affected lens is extracted (sometimes it is liquefied by laser) and the new, clear plastic IOL inserted. With modern techniques there sometimes need be no sutures either. Amazing. There is also no need for the patient to wait until the cataract matures. Once the vision has deteriorated, the timing to do the IOL is elective, worked out between the ophthalmologist and the patient. Cataract surgery is considered to be one of the most successful surgical procedures that can be done, with 95% of the post operative patients having excellent vision.

However, one patient who had his cataract surgery done here told me afterwards he was going to sue the ophthalmic surgeon. When I asked him why, he replied, “Now I can see how ugly my wife is!”

By the way, there is an interesting phenomenon known as “Second Sight” where the lens hardening produces short-sightedness, which goes to ‘balance out’ the difficulty with reading that is normally expected. The result is that 6-70 year olds suddenly find that they no longer need reading glasses! Unfortunately this is short-lived.

Associated eye diseases such as conditions that affect the retina, for example, diabetes, can be a contra-indication to IOL surgery, and this is why it is important to have a full ocular check, including examination of the retina before the decision to operate is done.

Heart to Heart with Hillary

Dear Hillary,

While the rest of the world seems to have discovered sensible shoes for women (take a look at what the lady tourists are wearing) it seems that Thai women have not. Everywhere you look there are these young girls teetering along on those outdated platform shoes. It is not a good look, as far as I am concerned. Is there some reason that Thailand got left behind after the platform trend died off in the west? Or is it another of those Asian inscrutables?

Curious

Dear Curious,

You appear to be an observant chappie - up to a point! You have spotted the footwear, but now have a look at the rest of the person on the elevator clogs. Thai women tend to be small, if you haven’t noticed, and to get on an equal footing they need those 10 centimetres, Petal. This way they can get up to being level with you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear. If you whisper sweet nothings doing back, then they’ll totter off on their stilts and find someone else more their own size! You mention a “good look” and also suggest we girls should be looking at what lady tourists are wearing. My Petal, that is an oxymoron (look it up, it is not a mentally retarded buffalo). Hillary does not wish to be seen in velcro strapped sandals and hairy legs. Sorry.

Dear Hillary,

The other night I was friendly towards a girl in a club (domestic staff, not a bartendee) and the next day a letter was delivered to my work written by her sister telling me that the girl had no boyfriend but had two sons and she wanted to see me because she thought I was a very nice man. I had just finished reading the note and the next minute she appeared and I must admit I was totally unprepared for this. I just wanted her out of my workplace as soon as possible, I was so embarrassed, so I thanked her and said I was busy, gave her 40 Baht for the taxi and told her to go. The guys in the office are still laughing at me and say I am a fool, while my other friends say she just wants money. What do you think, Hillary?

Frank.

Dear Frank,

There are a couple of ways of looking at this. Sure, she may have decided that you are an “easy touch” and will bug you to death until you either weaken and give her money or get angry and tell her to go. On the other hand, you are talking about a single parent with two children and you were not only nice to her, but represent huge wealth, compared to her circumstances. Why should she not pursue the almighty dollar? You would have to give her 10 out of 10 for effort. You will never know which of these alternatives is correct (some of the great mysteries of life in Thailand) and if you do nothing she will undoubtedly disappear. It is up to you. Finally, may I be frank (Ooh, some days I can’t help myself!) the other lesson you have to learn, young Frank, is how did she find out where you worked? You didn’t give her your business card, now did you! Never, never flash your business cards in bars, pubs or clubs. They will return like homing pigeons and poop on you just when you don’t want it!

Dear Hillary,

My Thai wife and I have been on the road the last three years, working in Malaysia, Indonesia and now Korea. Our home is on the outskirts of town, that we only get short visits to every couple of months. I very much look forward to the end of the week when I can read your latest edition on your website, not as good as the hardcopy, which I buy whenever I’m in your city, but a good second best. My personal favourite is you, Hillary. I can’t believe you really receive some of those silly letters, and suspect you make them up, but it doesn’t matter as they are entertaining regardless. Do you mind answering a question from me? Did you ever race cars? Anyway, thanks a bunch for making life away from home a little easier and best regards from a very chilly Korea.

Art

Dear Art,

Aren’t you a sweet man! But a little deluded too, Petal. Of course I get all those “silly” letters - just the same way that I got yours too, didn’t I? I must say I feel sorry for your wife - all that commuting from your house to foreign countries! No wonder you only get home every couple of months! All that travelling “on the road” as you say - that really is doing it the hard way. Getting back to your question - did you wonder if I raced cars hoping that I could show you a quicker way between here and Korea? My dear Art, I think it is much better that you just settle down and get a real job closer to home.

Bits ‘n’ Bobs

Personal Directions: Presentation is everything!

by Christina Dodd, founder and managing director 
of Incorp Training Asssociates

Did you ever catch a quick glimpse of yourself in a window or a mirror whilst shopping or walking in a street during rush-hour and then gasp to yourself, “My goodness is that me! Do I really look like that!” then hurry along not wanting to repeat the same experience - not wanting to bump into that person again? I know we can’t all be looking our pristine best all of the time, but we shouldn’t be creating shock waves either.

I really do think that there is a lot to be said for the way we present ourselves no matter what the occasion or moment.

Sure, the shopping trip on a weekend is a time when we all relax and let our hair down in terms of appearance and dress and some people are great proponents of this - that’s fine - and indeed there are casual times when it’s comfortable and easy to hang out without too much formality attached to it. But we don’t need to transfer it to the weekday when it’s business as usual and there might be cause to look a little more refined. Believe it or not some people do get confused with what day it is!

Lately I have been working on some projects concerning how to develop and project a positive and professional image and the enhancement of presentation styles and skills. I tend to find these areas of training quite fascinating because of the way people perceive themselves and the way they behave in front of a camera or on tape and then react on replay! It might seem unusual, but the fact remains that we are still struck with amazement when we watch ourselves walk or hear ourselves speak, despite all the technological innovations that surround us and are at our fingertips.

I find that the videotape recorder is the most valuable piece of equipment anyone can have the experience of using and it’s pure brilliance, not to mention absolutely essential, for any training program that involves presentation and public speaking skills. It doesn’t tell any lies, it’s true to every movement, every sound - every wrinkle too! It understands moods, attitudes, and patterns of behaviour and is a tool that can frame and chart the process of building and developing existing skills.

One client I worked with on this particular subject was astounded at the difference in results he found with his employees once they had become used to being videotaped and saw how it could help them improve. The staff involved in the program were all highly qualified in the field of sales and marketing and customer service, but were lacking in some of the basic skills of personal presentation, techniques of speech, delivery and body language. So much so, that it was having a marked effect on the end of month sales figures and causing some customer enquiries and complaints that he really did not want to have. This was a case where qualifications and experience were at a serious imbalance.

In order to address these problems, we designed a specific program that combined theory and worked on the principle of “practice, practice and more practice!” The training facility was set up for a period of three days (yes it was an intensive and dramatic schedule) and looked more like a stage set than a training room. It was very effective because it produced results! Every single participant was literally put “on stage” and went through periods of rehearsals, filming and playback, instructor and peer critique and review - until they got it right. Learning by doing, learning by this pure and simple approach worked wonders in terms of boosting confidence as well.

I am a firm believer in, “practice makes perfect”. And I also am a believer in bringing out the best in people - people do surprise you with ability that you never thought they had. Quite often management writes people off all too quickly because they have not taken the time to do one simple thing, and that is to provide enough encouragement and nurturing to help draw out the capabilities of their staff. This effort does take effort - and commitment - on the part of employers.

Some people need a lot of encouragement in the area of public speaking and delivering presentations be they selling a housing project, selling space on a satellite or selling advertising concepts. It’s all to do with representing their company, being out there and being at their best. And that requires them to be “exposed”, one could say, up-front where everybody can see and notice every little mistake, hesitation, flaw in appearance, roughness in technique. It’s bare bones time and it takes a lot of inner strength and gumption to overcome the fear that most people have whether speaking to a hall of 300 listeners or presenting to a closed group of six potential buyers.

But when the techniques are refined and polished; when the subject matter is word perfect and professionally prepared; when the voice is crisp and clear and captivating; when the methods are exciting, dynamic and hold the audience’s interest; then the results can only be positive ones and ones that will not only lead to excellence on the part of the speaker or presenter, but lead to successful results and rewards for the company as a whole.

Every company needs to excel in selling themselves. And every person in a company from the Chairman and CEO, all the way down the management ladder, to the sales staff and telemarketers, to the van drivers who deliver goods - is selling the company to a certain point. To represent a company in a successful way requires good presentation skills.

There are some very famous hotels where the “doorman” is the face of the hotel. The doorman has become so highly valued by the management that in many cases he earns considerably more than them - because he has refined the art of presentation and representation. At all levels, presentation is important. It is, or should be, a required and necessary skill because of the power it has to either make or break a sale, keep a customer satisfied and simply turn minuses into pluses sometimes on a grand scale.

The way we look, the way we walk and talk, the way we regard ourselves and carry ourselves, our body language - these are all elements we need to look at from time to time and take stock of. So much of the time we forget about how professional or unprofessional our appearance is. We think that what we have on “will do”. We think that it doesn’t really matter if our hair is a bit untidy (it’s windy outside - that’s my excuse) or the shoes need re-heeling. No-one’s going to look are they? No one will care about how we drag our feet or slump our shoulders - it’s who we are! They won’t notice all the hand waving and the drifting eyes or monotone voice - not at all - they there for the product!

Well - yes indeed they are. And YOU are the one who presents it - or have you forgotten? So if they, the customer, are not impressed by you and what you have to say and how you say it, then you can call it a day! They won’t be back and quite possibly nor will you.

Presentation is everything because it sets the tone for what comes next. It’s not about outward beauty and good looks, it’s about being in touch with who you are, having a presence and an aura about yourself, being fit spiritually, mentally and physically, having an ability to draw on and hold people’s interest and being in control.

Should you like to inquire about Incorp’s Presentation Skills and Public Speaking Programs, please email me at [email protected] or contact me directly at Incorp Training Associates in Bangkok, tel. (0) 2652 1867-8, fax; (0) 26521870. Program details can be found at www.incorptraining.com

Social Commentary by Khai Khem

A marriage made in Heaven - the “Perfect Boss”

Life is funny. We don’t always get what we want. And we don’t always want what we get. (Yes, that’s a line from a Beatle’s song). Unless we go into business for ourselves, most of us in the workplace have superiors to whom we are accountable. The Boss.

Like wives and husbands, the boss-employee relationship needs work and cooperation. Even though these relationships are more arbitrary than marriage (one doesn’t always get to choose one’s boss), working successfully under a boss requires the almost same amount of effort (and sometimes more) as it does to make a marriage last.

A husband can come home at the end of a hard day, grab a cold beer from the fridge, turn on the TV and nap in the Lazy-Boy until the ‘War Department’ rings the chow-bell. If he’s in a bad mood he can retreat in silence or kick the sleeping family dog.

Wives who’ve had a chaotic day with screaming kids and lazy maids who scorch their fine silk blouses with red-hot irons can vent their discontent by nagging complaints. ‘Hubby’ spends too much time in the South Pattaya bars or too many weekends on the golf club. He’s either too ambitious and neglects his quality family time, or he’s a lazy slob who doesn’t earn enough money and leaves his dirty underwear on the floor three inches from the laundry hamper. Husbands and wives and ‘significant others’ can battle their way through years of animosity and relentlessly quarrel about little issues that drive one or both of them nuts.

Try this with your boss and you may be one of those people who are standing in line in Bangkok to receive the ‘free omelet cart’ from a well-known charity organization.

In Thailand the boss is a demigod. Top-down management is pretty much the rule here so Thais employees defer to all bosses, whether they are right or wrong. That does not mean that all Thai bosses are an incarnation of Simon Lagree or Captain Blye.

So what are the criteria for a perfect boss? Like love at first sight, there are some things in life which cannot be defined. Since there are so many kinds of bosses, it really depends on perspective. Some bosses are just plain grumps. No matter what you do, you will never please them. They had unhappy childhoods and ruthless toilet training. Unless you work in mental health care and are prepared to coax them through psychotherapy - blow off their bad days. Believe it or not, people who work productively under these individuals develop a thick skin and do not collapse under their boss’s mood swings.

Some are such sticklers for the rules that one mistake is a hanging offence. Mistakes are human and Thais make mistakes. Lots of them. That’s one of the reasons the Thai genuflection and its variances are so complicated. This code of silent communication may be as complicated as Japanese war-time code but it works.

This subject came up not long ago at a dinner party. All of us who attended came from different countries and different professions. The hostess at the party was a high ranking bank officer for a local Thai bank and she had just opted for early retirement for health reasons. The stress of her job had taken its toll and culminated in a bleeding ulcer. She simply could not work in the system anymore.

During the animated discussion of stress in the workplace and an overwhelming outpouring of complaints from the party guests on the variety of problems with their bosses, one person stood out - more by her silence than for her contribution to the discussion.

The incongruence of her withdrawal from the debate was punctuated by the fact that she is a journalist. Eventually, when the passion of the discussion receded, one of the guests asked why she was so uncharacteristically silent. She finally revealed that after listening to the evening’s discussion, she suddenly realized she had the “Perfect Boss”. The room went still. This- they had to hear. How does one find the perfect boss?

The fact is; she didn’t ‘find’ him. They were introduced. Much like a blind date, they were co-joined by another employee of the publication through a computer. Computer dating? In a way - that is a fair comparison. In our present age of information technology and exchange of information over the Internet, a new kind of workplace has been established. Like many professions, journalism has no international boundaries anymore and globalization has created opportunities which were unheard-of a decade ago.

While these conditions may be ripe for a new kind of workplace, they were not the entire recipe for finding the Perfect Boss. Her initial contact may have been quixotic, but to make it work, the boss needed some special personality components. The list in this case was long.

Leadership qualities manifest themselves in many ways. Most important are self confidence and vision. Journalism is one of those jobs where the people in the field are like seeing-eye-dogs. Reporters are the eyes and ears of the publication. The Perfect Boss in this case had adopted a ‘hands-off’ management style. Leadership here meant guidelines sprinkled with flexibility, and criticism that took the mutable form of mild suggestions. To do otherwise would have aborted the creative juices of the very people who get the work done.

Not about to let this woman off the hook with such obvious platitudes, a few dinner guests were adamant about her obvious good luck, and were not convinced that they could change anything in their own circumstances. She stood her ground and turned the tables on her antagonists.

In typical journalistic style, she challenged the room with a question. “How many people in this room have been divorced,” she asked. Her audience caught the thread of connection. All but three people at the dinner party raised their hands. She had made her point. Like marriage, no one ever gets a Perfect Boss anymore than once stumbles into the Perfect Marriage. Lasting relationships that ‘work’ take time and effort. Some people just give up when the going gets tough. Others dig in for the long-term. Give and take - that’s what it’s all about.

Women’s World: Going home

by Lesley Warmer

While I was in England with Emma (my daughter) she very bravely decided to go ahead with her birthday party, previously arranged before her accident. It was to be held in a very nice establishment in the local town, a private members club. As we all know large family gatherings can be difficult to say the least.

I made Emma rest all day and then attempted to get her into her clothes; these consisted of very tight trousers and a beautiful lace top in a crushed strawberry color, with short frilly sleeves, sequins of flowers and hanging ribbons from the shoulders.

The problem started with the shoulder wound, due to the fact that Emma’s shoulder is a jumble of mixed bones causing the shoulder to slope towards the front of her body. This meant we couldn’t make the lacey top stay put, as fast as I hitched it onto her shoulder it would fall off, and it was quite a low neckline so this did not help.

Emma started looking disappointed and distressed so I thought ok mum to the rescue, think quickly. I ended up running around the house looking for a safety pin, which I eventually found and raced back upstairs, time was running out, so I pinned the top to the shoulder dressing. Then the other side decided to fall off so I used the pretty hanging ribbons to tie it to her bra strap. Feeling quite pleased with myself I decided that it was just about acceptable.

At last we were ready. All the family were coming and most of her friends, which sounded like a great idea, but, half the people were not talking to the other half for one reason or another and the driver that caused the accident was coming and we weren’t sure whether anyone was talking to her. Regardless of that, the evening was a resounding success, the food was good the drinks were cheap and the music was ok, everyone managed to avoid the people they didn’t want to see.

Then at 11 p.m. the venue was open to the public. At first this seemed fine but by the end of the evening a rather unsavoury group of characters came in, in a large group of about seven guys and four girls. They were very drunk and decided to pick on one of the younger members of the family. He’s only 16 and didn’t handle it too well. The incident ended up like a western movie inside the club and out, and fortunately Emma was not hurt. These incidents don’t seem to happen that often in Pattaya, even though the consumption of alcohol I’m sure is equivalent. The moral of this story is that if you are having a private party in a club make sure that it stays exactly that, private!

While I was in England this time I decided to imagine what it would be like to live there again. There are so many reasons why I should. I looked at my house - it’s very nice, the garden is pleasant but the plants I put in 3 years ago have hardly grown at all. When I got up in the morning to dress it was, vest, T-shirt, jumper, trousers, socks, scarf, hat and coat to go out. As I battled against the cold wind and rain, I kept thinking you could get used to this, couldn’t you? When I got a backache from the cold, I thought that’s ok, exercises help, don’t they? As I tried to dry my clothes for 2 -3 days I thought never mind there’s always the tumble dryer.

On the way to the airport I stopped at a motorway service station, big mistake, one small cappuccino coffee was nearly 130 baht and a bottle of water that is 10 baht here was nearly 100 baht! Cigarettes were around 300 baht and petrol was more than 50 baht a litre.

The worst thing of all was the pre-occupation with the TV, especially the Soap Operas. I actually found myself watching East Enders and Coronation Street; they even have events on these programmes in the newspaper as if it’s real life. I don’t critizise the people that live like this but if you have experienced another style of life how can you go back?

So be warned for those of you that think living here is just filling in a little time, be careful that you don’t feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when you eventually go home.