|
Family Money: Risk Matters
By Leslie
Wright,
Managing director of Westminster Portfolio Services (Thailand) Ltd.
After a year of high market volatility, steep market
declines and high-flyers like Enron and WorldCom crashing to earth,
investors are finally starting to realise that risk matters.
During the halcyon days of the late 90’s, clients
would blithely say they could accept risk, without appreciating that
‘risk’ can equate to ‘loss’ in volatile market downturns. Just
look at the TMT sector - down more than 70% from the euphoric highs at the
beginning of 2000.
In the wake of such stormy market conditions, risk is
very much in investors’ minds nowadays. To serve today’s nervous
clients, financial advisers and portfolio managers must be able to
identify, measure, and incorporate risk into every aspect of the wealth
management process.
Many advisers are new to thinking rigorously about
risk, and the ethical ones dedicated to providing clients with ongoing
“best advice” - as opposed to those who are concerned only with how
much commission they will make today - are facing increasingly difficult
risk management questions when advising clients. What is “best
practice” in risk-aware financial planning? What kind of risk matters
most, and how does one measure it? How important is risk information in
designing a portfolio for a client?
Understanding your risk profile
The majority of my firm’s clients are retired or
about to retire. Their accumulated capital is all the money in the
kingdom: they can’t go out and earn some more. Hence prudence dictates
that this nest egg should be conservatively invested. But when asked:
“How much risk can you accept?” in the late 90s most investors
indicated they were medium-risk investors. This was because their
risk-aversion profile (‘RAP’) was driven not by emotions let alone
common sense, but by their need to provide sufficient money to maintain
their lifestyle. This was their primary - and in some cases only -
financial criterion. This meant producing an above-average income from
their capital, which in the heady days of the late 90s was perfectly
feasible.
But to produce their target income they were willing to
expose themselves to the higher risk that inherently accompanies a
long-term capital-growth portfolio - when really they should have been
limiting their risk to an income-producing portfolio, and adjusting their
lifestyle to what such a portfolio could realistically provide them. Now,
after the slides of the past 30 months, many of these investors’
risk-aversion profile will be quite different - although it shouldn’t be
because it’s a fundamental, like IQ.
Regardless of market conditions, an income-producing
portfolio will be inherently conservative, comprising mostly cash,
money-market funds and bonds, with perhaps some with-profits funds. Traded
endowment policies (TEP funds) can form a useful non-volatile portion of a
conservative portfolio. The portfolio is designed to conserve capital
while producing a modest income stream.
A growth portfolio is designed to do what is says:
produce capital growth. It will consist predominantly of equities, spread
judiciously, with some in narrowly focussed or specialist sectors, plus
perhaps some hedge funds, and some high-growth bonds. The objective is to
produce long-term capital growth, and ride out the inherent volatility
along the way, making strategic adjustments to the portfolio as market
conditions indicate.
Over the longer term, a growth portfolio has
historically outperformed an income portfolio by a wide margin. But in the
short term, or periods of negative equity growth such as we’ve
experienced in the past 30 months, a growth portfolio may well show a
negative return - at least on paper until you cash it in or the markets
recover.
However, our retirees want the best of both worlds:
above-average growth and the ability to draw down an income from it. Some
even misunderstand the concept entirely and talk about ‘interest’
earned from their capital-growth investment. You earn ‘interest’ only
from a bank deposit, not an investment portfolio, no matter how
conservatively stanced it might be.
Setting your risk goalposts
Some clients come to see me and start talking about
this, that or the other fund they’ve read about or heard about (or been
recommended by some other adviser), and want to use this that or the other
fund as the basis of their portfolio, which they then want me to monitor
and manage for them. Many financial advisers will say “Yes, sir” and
start writing up the paperwork. Away goes the client, happy that he’s
been taken care of according to his wishes. According to his wishes, yes -
but probably not according to his needs!
The fundamental question that every investor should ask
himself before making an investment decision is: why am I considering this
investment? Is it for, a) strategic longer-term capital accumulation or
conservation, or b) a short-term whimsical flutter, or c) because it
sounds interesting and has a nice brochure? If either b) or c), can I
afford to lose the money?
Before thinking about the components of a portfolio,
the risk profile of the portfolio has to be decided upon - and that
depends to a considerable degree on the risk-aversion profile of the
client, which has to be appraised objectively with the client, and
mutually agreed. How much risk can the client accept? How much risk should
the client accept, given his financial goals & investment criteria?
This is comparable to the doctor who will ask questions
about a patient’s health and medical history before making a
determination and writing out a prescription or recommending a course of
action - as distinct from a pharmacist who will be happy to sell you
whatever you ask for, with no responsibility attached for the results.
Would you rather have your financial health taken care of by a doctor or a
pharmacist?
Snap Shot: Pictures of people - especially girls!
by Harry Flashman
In Thailand are some of the most beautiful women on the
planet. Of course I have not personally noticed this, but I have been told
by ‘professional’ women watchers! And if you believe that you’ll
believe anything!
 Women have been the most popular subject in “art”,
be that painting, scribbling on walls or photography. Did you know there
have been more books written about “How to Photograph Girls” than any
other photographic texts? In many countries they even run week-long
courses on the subject. However, stick with Harry Flashman and I’ll show
you how to sparkle up your ‘girly’ snaps in one five minute read! I
have photographed countless hundreds of ladies for calendars and portraits
over the years so here’s some simple concepts to make your portrait
taking easier, and make the end results very pleasing for both the subject
and the shooter.
The first rule with all amateur models is to get your
subject to relax. If your favourite lady is standing rigidly to attention,
I can guarantee that the end result will not be pleasing. When
photographing Thai people in particular, it is even more important to get
them relaxed and happy, as they do tend to “stand to attention” with
arms held straight at their sides, looking as if they are on army parade.
One of the reasons why professional models get paid so much is because
they know how to stand in front of the lens.
The pose to avoid at all costs is the subject straight
on to the camera. This is unfortunately the commonest pose - but it is the
most un-glamorous pose as far as women are concerned. Here’s what to do
to get over this problem. Start by sitting your lady in a chair, and then
turn it 45 degrees away from the straight ahead position. Now ask her to
slowly turn her head and look at the end of your camera’s lens. Look
through your viewfinder - see? It looks better already, doesn’t it! Now
ask her to gently raise the shoulder closest to the camera and smile.
Guess what? You are starting to get a “glamorous” image.
That basic pose can be modified by turning to the left
as well as to the right, shoulders up or down, open mouthed smile or shy
grin. Each shot will have a different look. Try to get the subject relaxed
by talking to them, cracking jokes or anything that will get them to
relax. Even in the workplace you can get good shots - see the photo of the
nurse on duty this week. Just don’t photograph the lady straight on!
For these sort of portraits you do need to make the
subject’s head fill the frame. Keep the top of the hair just inside the
top edge of the viewing area and the lower edge should keep the shoulders
in the frame. In other words, if you don’t have a telephoto lens, walk
in close.
Now many of you would like to be able to produce that
“romantic glamour” portrait. The trick here is to use gentle, soft
lighting to avoid harsh and unflattering shadows. One super little trick
to take shadows away from under the chin, nose and eyes is to open out a
newspaper and place it in the sitter’s lap. The reflected light will
gently lessen the dark shadows. Stand back and look at the subject while
an assistant takes the newspaper away and see the difference.
Another trick used by the professional glamour photographers is to
“back light” the subject and then reflect light back into the face
with gold foil reflectors. The gold imparts a very “warm” and
flattering colour to the skin (especially with our Thai ladies). The
reflector will also be picked up as small highlights in the eyes, which
gives sparkle and an “alive” feeling to the portrait. Since the
lighting is coming from behind the subject, you can even use a
“fill-in” flash to gently light the face as well.
Modern Medicine: Sex and the satisfied worker
by Dr Iain Corness, Consultant
Did you know there is an Asian Federation of Sexology?
I didn’t, till an article was pointed out to me coming from the
Singapore office of the international news agency, Reuters. Apparently
founded by an earnest gentleman called Emil Ng, himself a sex therapist,
he addressed a sex conference recently in Singapore. Participants at this
conference were even quoted as having said that they may have found a
pleasurable way to boost the dropping world economy. In spite of Reuters
strict standards, I am quite sure that was a misprint. It obviously should
have read “drooping” economy, surely!
According to our Emil Ng, healthy sex lives make for
happy workers who will in turn create a more robust economy. “Sexual
health is not just about absence of diseases or dysfunction ... it is
about the ability to enjoy sex,” he is reported to have said at the
conference. “This will improve the whole nation’s well-being and
productivity,” he opined. If this is the case, Thailand should have
become a member of the G7 super-powers by now. (Or would that make it G8?)
Or perhaps that honour would just go to Patpong Road Bangkok, with
sub-committees at Nana Plaza, Walking Street Pattaya and Kotchasarn Road
Chiang Mai.
Oh if it were only that simple! To boost the economy
there would be government run Sexual Enjoyment Clinics (SEC’s),
hopefully covered by the 30 baht scheme and open 24 hours, staffed with
sex therapists who would make sure that you left with a smile on your face
and a deeply rooted urge to improve your productivity (as soon as you got
back to work and had a little lie down to get yourself in the mood again).
However, unless I am highly mistaken, these clinics are already in
existence, but are called Massage Parlours or similar. Mr. Ng would be
pleased! Unfortunately, these are not covered by the 30 baht scheme, this
I am sure of!
Despite all the smiles and sniggers, I’m afraid I am
a disbeliever. I consider all this to be bunkum. I am sorry if I have been
a long time coming to the point, but just where do these people get their
data? I fully realise that Emil and his ilk are “professionals” in the
field, while I have managed to remain as a rank amateur, but let’s try
and be a little bit scientific about this. Firstly, have you noticed that
you are more productive at work after a night on the nest? Or do you spend
more time daydreaming?
Now I know that one’s personal experience represents
a scientific study of one, but if enough “one’s” out there band
together we can get some useful statistics. So I did a quick straw poll in
the office and came up with (sorry about that, no pun intended) five
stating that it made no difference and three saying it drooped (sorry,
dropped) their productivity, and yet all eight respondents claimed to have
enjoyed the prior evenings experience.
So where are we going wrong? Well, again according to
Emil, “When your economy is down, sexual activity will be lower, not
because of sexual problems, but financial problems. This is a vicious
cycle.” Sorry Emil, I reckon that when the economy is down, warm
evenings at home remain the cheapest and best form of “entertainment”.
What do you think?
Heart to Heart with Hillary
Dear Hilary (sic),
Every time I come to Thailand I titter too much.
Because platformed Thai ladies teeter and totter too much. Any remedies
for excessive tittering? What can I do? P.S. I am a Stamen, not a Petal!
Mistersingha (sic)
Dear Mister Singha,
Tittering is not a problem here in Thailand, as the
platformed ladies are not generally of the B cup runneth over variety,
other than those who remain a tittering tribute to the skill of their
cosmetic surgeons. PS I am a Hillary (double l), not a Hilary (single l),
Petal, sorry - Stamen. By the way, you do realise that a stamen is a dork
shaped object found in a flower, don’t you?
Dear Hillary,
I have no problems with women in this country. They
treat me well. I enjoy being with them. I have never been cheated. Nobody
has asked me for gold chains. My maid has not stolen from me. She comes to
work on time every day, just as I insisted. My girlfriend wakes up on time
and makes me breakfast. She has not asked me for the car keys and then run
off with the car. Her mother’s buffalo is very well. Her brother has not
fallen off his motorcycle. I cannot understand why all these people who
write in to you have so many problems with the local females. Since I
don’t, is there something wrong with me?
Happy
Dear Happy,
Hillary Is so glad that everything seems to be just
fine and dandy in your life. You certainly seem to have everything (and
all your women) under control. However, in answer to your question, yes
Hillary thinks there really is something wrong with you - or why are you
writing to Hillary? Is it to show the world just how smart you really are?
Or are you a control freak and need me to tell you that what you are doing
is OK? I distrust your motives, Happy. But don’t worry, your time will
come, my Petal! You cannot keep Thai women ‘under the thumb’ for ever!
You have been warned.
Dear Hillary,
I am getting married to my Thai princess and am fraught
with worry. The problem I have is the same as Hitler’s (I only have one)
when we discussed taking her back to the UK she expressed a desire for
kids. I don’t know if this is possible. I am also hearing more stories
of farang getting ripped off - I only send her ฃ100 per week and I
am worried she might ask for more. I have agreed to pay 200,000 baht for
her dowry and send her mother ฃ50 a week. Will my princess be
disappointed when she discovers I am firing blanks? Should I look for
another who does not want kids? My friend says they want a kid as security
a sort of extra hold on me is he lying?
Adolf
Dear Adolf,
Talk about crossing bridges before you come to them!
Hillary has it on good medical authority that only having “one” is no
bar to procreation. The other “one” is just for balance, it seems!
However, I do question your degree of total commitment to this union.
“Should you look for another” you write, in the same breath as
describing your fianc้e as “my Thai princess”. Reading between
the lines, I think your princess would be more disappointed if the money
tree were dropping blanks, rather than you. Forget about this marriage -
you are not ready for it. Neither is she. On second thoughts, since you
are so free with your money, what about marrying Hillary? I don’t need
children, but the money would come in handy!
Dear Hillary,
I must start by stressing the point that this is a true
story. After having a very enjoyable three month stay in Thailand earlier
on this year I returned back to England to start back at work. During my
time here I met a very nice Thai lady who was great company. We kept in
touch and she then asked me if I would lend her 2000 pounds to help her
out with a few business problems she was having. I duly did this and she
promised I would be repaid in full on my return in November. Within two
days of my return I was paid back down to the last penny. The point of
this letter is to give some positive news about financial arrangements
with Thai ladies. I have heard some very negative stories about the Thai/Farang
relationships, how about this one being talked about?
Greengrass
Dear Greengrass,
The point that should be understood here is not just
that a Thai lady repaid a debt, but that any person during a three month
stay could meet someone who was honest enough to do this, irrespective of
nationality. I doubt if I would be happy lending two thousand baht (let
alone two thousand pounds) to someone I did not know for a long time. I
believe you have been lucky, Greengrass, but I thank you for showing there
is good and bad in all societies. There are probably just as many
foreigners who have been ripped off by one of their own, than by Thai
ladies.
A Slice of Thai History: The Death Railway
Part One: Background-Fall of Singapore
by Duncan Stearn
The history of the Japanese invasion and conquest of
much of the South-East Asian region and the Pacific Islands is not only
one of an astonishing military triumph, but also of a massive logistical
exercise in the movement of slave labour and prisoners of war across vast
areas of the ‘Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere’, as the occupied
areas were euphemistically called, to wherever Japan needed workers.
The main theatre of operation involving Thailand was
the construction of a railway from Malaya to Burma via the province of
Kanchanaburi.
Prior to the outbreak of the Second World War a British
company had investigated the feasibility of building a railway from
Bangkok into the heartland of Burma. The investigators had concluded that
the potential cost in lives because of the diseases rife in the area as
well as the difficulty of construction through inhospitable terrain made
the project unviable.
However, for the Japanese in 1942 the need to construct
a railway to supply their forces campaigning in Burma as well as opening a
route to India and southern China negated the apparent difficulties.
Whereas the British surveyors had looked at
constructing their railway line by going around hills, the Japanese
decided they would go straight through. The railway would extend for some
400 kilometres through almost impenetrable jungle between Burma and
Thailand. According to one source, ‘there were 4 million cubic metres of
earthworks, 3 million metres of rock and almost 14 kilometres of
bridgework [eventually] constructed...’
The generally accepted figure is that around 330,000
workers, including 61,000 prisoners of war, were coerced into working on
the rail line. Of the 270,000 native labourers, brought from Burma,
Thailand, India and Malaya, around 90,000 (33 percent) died. Few graves
were dug for these forgotten slave labourers and it is certain that many
more died from starvation and disease long before reaching their former
homes. For the Thais this was galling, as the nation was officially an
ally of imperial Japan, yet countless thousands of locals died at the
hands of the Japanese military.
The prisoners of war (POW’s) were drawn from British,
Australian and Dutch captives and some Americans. The fall of Singapore in
February 1942 saw 130,000 Allied troops fall into the hands of the
Japanese. A perfect slave labour force to build a difficult railway line.
Bits ‘n’ Bobs
|
ANY OLD IRON?
The captioned phrase used to be a familiar cry
long ago from what we would call the ‘Rag and Bone’ man in the
UK. In those days, the cart was most often propelled by manpower, if
not horsepower (with ‘rose-bag’ and shovel appropriately at the
rear-end). The cart would navigate the suburban streets in the hope
of picking up someone else’s ‘rubbish’, which they could sell
on at a profit. Yes, they would pay for certain items if they saw
greater value in them than the price they would pay. Well, Pattaya
has the equivalent of the eagle-eyed and entrepreneurial breed as I
witnessed today, although this latter day domestic scrap merchant
had clearly left the nineteen-sixties of the UK decades behind, as
the cart was petrol-driven.
The sweet young lady popped her head out of the
attached cage of what looked like garbage to me and gave me her
pitch. As she could see I was drinking a can of Heineken, she
correctly assumed that I would not be drinking only one and so there
would bound to be empties. She was undeniably right. As she hoisted
her professional-looking set of scales for my inspection, I tried to
explain that the stash she had espied was my maid’s bonus and so
she would have to ask her so they could agree a price. The maid must
have had the radar on as out she bounded to stop what she could see
as the loss of income rightly hers. She politely told the girl that
all the cans had been sold already, prompting the scavenger to
contest the fact by pointing to the overflowing bin recently filled
with the welcome help of my mate Steve the previous day.
Unruffled, the maid told the girl that she had
forgotten that Steve had been around but 36 cans was not worth the
trouble so she should try again after he visited again. I did not
hear the car registration number voiced, but any future guest may
well be referred to as Steve and most possibly followed home.
IN YOUR COUNTRY, DO...
...supermarkets make sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their medical prescriptions whilst
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? And do you see your
countrymen order a double cheeseburger with large fries and
‘Diet’ Coke? Do many lock their junk in the garage but leave
their brand-new car sitting in the drive with the door open? Not you
too?
|
WATCHING THE GRASS GROW
For some insane reason that only those with a
horticultural bent may understand, my neighbours pride themselves on
maintaining a lush green lawn in their front garden. This actually
irritates me. It is not the fact that it takes them longer to arrange for
someone to cut the grass than they do absorbing the aesthetic beauty of
this eighth wonder of the world for a maximum of twenty minutes per week,
if they remember it is there. My problem is that when the local cats slope
in to defecate on this verdant facility in supposed privacy, my dogs go
wild as scaling the six feet high fence is impossible for them and so
raging frustration and demented barking ensues. The only upside is that
when they eventually burn off the heap of dried grass cuttings, it could
well explain my mood swings as when they set it alight, I feel at peace
with the world, involuntarily grin and feel peckish for ages
post-inhalation.
ANAGRAM OF THE WEEK
Circumstantial evidence: Can ruin a selected victim.
FAGS OUT PLEASE!
No, I am not supporting the homophobic lobby, each to
their own behind closed doors is my view, I allude to the recently passed
law that prohibits smokers to light up and savour what most committed
smokers regard as the most satisfying smoke of the day. I of course refer
to that post-masticating time that we all enjoy once we feel satisfied. I
will leave the notion there, as I would not wish to oblige the Editor to
hone his literary chopper. That said, I was slightly amused to learn that
some people refer to this rather odd new law concerning smoking, given the
near-asphyxiating traffic exhaust pollution in our fair city, by referring
to where you can or cannot ‘light up your butt.’ Being no medical
expert at any extremity, the practice sounds highly dangerous to me.
Moreover, any smoker would never light up his ‘butt’ as that is the
part they stub out and throw away as far as I am aware. My advice to all
is that should you ever you drop your fag-end (as we Brits call the
remnants of a cigarette) anywhere near your butt (American parlance for
the nether regions), get up quickly before the UN Inspectors take you to
task as they may think you are attempting to activate a weapon of
potential mass destruction.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t
have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
Woody Allen
|
Personal Directions: Seeing the bigger picture
by Christina Dodd, founder and managing director
of Incorp Training Asssociates
How are your powers of observation? Poor, average, good
or very good, or do you even know? Could you describe what the last person
you saw was wearing? It makes you think, doesn’t it?
I did a rather impromptu exercise with a group of sales
and customer service managers recently who were participating in one of
our communications programs. We did an activity in which we invited
several outsiders to act as customers making complaints as well as wanting
to make new purchases. After the activity was over and I had reviewed each
trainee’s performance, I asked each one of them to describe several
aspects about the customers they had just spoken to and met. I asked them
to recall each customer and to then describe what they were wearing, their
physical appearance, and their mannerisms.
Well - they were all startled! The room was silent and
mouths fell wide open. They had all focused so intently on the customer
and handling the respective situation that they forgot to open their field
of vision slightly further to encompass the whole picture. Handling the
customer is “knowing the customer” and taking in everything that is
possible about them and then locking it in place in your mind. Yes - it
takes application - but it’s worth making it a habit and doing it for
every customer because it can only add value to your customer relations.
Effective communications which embrace how to listen,
how to think and how to speak are fundamental to successful interaction
with any customer, or business aside, with anyone in fact. Listening - the
greatest silent skill; thinking - forming a logical argument; and speaking
- getting a message across using the proper words and tone form the basics
of communication. But it’s also important to fine tune your abilities
and powers of observation to connect with the customer so that they become
a picture in your mind when you have to contact them in the future.
As I said, this is not only important in business but
it is something that is necessary in our daily lives. It doesn’t mean
that you have to stare at others to study what they are wearing or what
peculiar marks are on their faces, or whether their socks match or not. It
means that you should have a certain amount of regard for those people you
meet and speak to, and you should be looking at the larger picture instead
of just concentrating on one or two elements of the experience. It shows
that you are alert and focused and prepared.
Getting back to the group in the communications
program, each of them tried to recall what the customers were wearing and
so forth, but after some time, they realized that they were just grabbing
at ideas and could not accurately remember very much at all. They asked
for a second chance at the activity and so I said I would set it up later
on. In the meantime, I invited two of my colleagues to take the next
sessions and afterwards, I asked the group what my colleagues were wearing
and could they describe their shoes. (This was a real conversation
stopper!) It caused huge amounts of laughter and some objection because
they were expecting a special activity in which to do this and to have
prior knowledge or warning. I asked them to really persevere and to take
time to go back over the last two hours and to recall the information.
Surprisingly they could, with a bit of thought, prodding of memories and
some collective discussion.
This exercise was a powerful one for all concerned in
the program. They left the 2-days with heightened awareness of what it is
to “know the customer” as opposed to just how to “handle the
customer”. They realized for themselves just how helpful it can be in
forming relationships and building upon them and how observations such as
these can give greater insights into the fundamentals of communications.
Of course if you are dealing with customers on the
telephone it’s a little difficult to observe them in the same way you
would if they were sitting in front of you. So this is where listening
skills come into play in a very big way. Listening is a vital skill and
being able to communicate effectively on a personal level or a
professional level starts with being a better listener.
The main thing to remember is that hearing does not
equal listening. Hearing is a physiological process that involves the
reception of vibrations by the delicate structures within our ears.
Listening is a psychological process that involves the interpretation of
what we hear. Hearing is passive - it takes no effort on our part, while
listening is active - it takes effort and a willingness to tune in.
So how do you start improving your listening skills?
The key is to actively focus on your listening behavior and to start
eliminating behaviors that lead to poor listening. These negative
behaviors would include things like:
* Mentally jumping to conclusions before the other
person has finished speaking (how many times a day do you do this?)
* Focusing on how the person communicates rather than
what is being communicated
* Starting to think of a response well before the other
person has finished a thought
Being aware of such behaviors, and actively trying to
eliminate them is a major step towards being a better listener and a
better communicator. This means being able to observe and to utilize
feedback from the person you are speaking to. Being a good listener also
helps you to develop your speech because it allows you to gain skills in
analyzing messages and retaining information. It is a continual process of
communication enhancement.
Needing to fine tune your communications skills? For
more details about how Incorp can assist you or your staff to develop
these and other business skills, please contact me directly by email at
christina.dodd@incorp training.com or at Incorp Training Associates in
Bangkok Tel: (0) 2652 1867-8 or Fax: (0) 2652 1870.
Until next week, have a great week!
Social Commentary by Khai Khem
Inspirational speech by aerospace engineer at NASA
Just when we were all adjusting to the modern
international corporate culture and adapting it as a serious model for
behavior in the workplace, a friend of mine who is a senior research
scientist in the USA space program shared these words of wisdom with me.
Very curious, and thinking that I could glean some
insight from a genius who just happens to be a social friend, I guess I
annoyed my friend with stupid questions about his job and what goes on in
the workplace in different industries. This 67 year old aerospace engineer
from NASA finally relented and told me how he gives a seminar in Hawaii
each year entitled, ‘How to make your workers and associates either feel
inferior or make them want to kill you’. Apparently the upshot is to
fire the ones that appear to be ready to kill you. They are probably the
people as mean as you are and most likely to replace you if given a
chance.
His comments were as revealing as they were humorous.
I’ve never been to one of his seminars but I doubt
very much that the one in Hawaii ever has anything to do with USA’s
space program. The theme of his opening speech was a list of “Things to
Say at Work”.
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re
full of ‘horse-pucky’.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet
it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to
humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people
learn to worship me.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being
smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a
message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a
word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh! I see the screw-up fairy has visited us
again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and
stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of
strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t
give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I
had about you.
16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by
your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean
you’re an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is
purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
21. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are
largely ceremonial.
22. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. Do I look like a people person?
24. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with
fluorescent lighting.
25. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
26. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
27. Errors have been made. No problem; others will be
blamed.
28. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. An office cubicle is just a padded cell without a
door.
30. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
31. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
32. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
33. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
34. I thought I wanted a career but turns out I just
wanted paychecks.
I only have one comment to add. Readers; don’t try
this at work.
Women’s World: A day at the beach
Part II
by Lesley Warmer
The first purpose made swimsuits of modern history
consisted of a long-sleeved, bloused tunic buttoned up the front, cinched
at the waist, and worn over baggy bloomers and black stockings. This new
outfit was considered quite daring for the time. It was inspired by Amelia
Bloomer. By 1855 drawers were added to prevent the problem of exposure.
Women still refrained from swimming too much; the prevailing attitude of
the day was that only men should swim.
 The
daring 20s
It was soon obvious that there was increased interest
in this new pastime and it wasn’t going to go away. This meant women’s
bathing suits really had an opportunity to take off. By the 1880’s the
“Princess” cut was introduced, consisting of a blouse and trousers in
one piece. The skirts were traded in for cotton-like pants. There was also
a separate skirt that fell below the knee and buttoned at the waist to
conceal the figure. A ruffled cap or a straw hat completed the ensemble.
Getting into the water was no easy task. The ladies had
to discard several pounds of complicated inner and outer wear before they
could even begin to get into the Victorian bathing costume. Some of these
clumsy bathing costumes weighed up to twenty pounds when wet. Caps or
bathing bonnets, stockings and laced-up beach shoes completed the
traditional ensemble for women.
Suits for men were either black or striped, so no one
would mistake their attire for underwear.
Bathing
huts on wheels could be wheeled as close to the water as possible.
Bathhouses provided a dressing room with wheels. These
could be hired; these huts were on wheels and could be wheeled as near to
the water as possible. This prevented the ladies from being exposed to the
view of the gentlemen when they made their hasty exit into the sea, where
they had a hasty dip in the water, and hurried back to the hut. Gentlemen
would perform a similar operation but at the other end of the beach.
By the end of the 19th century, swimming had become
accepted as an Olympic sport, which then meant it finally became an
acceptable sport for women.
The turn of the twentieth century marked a new and
daring era in swimwear for women. In 1907 swimsuits began to become
briefer, lighter and somewhat more stylish. A woman named Annette
Kellerman was arrested for appearing publicly in a loose, one piece suit,
that eventually became generally accepted as the swimsuit for women by the
end of the first decade.
By the early 1920’s the swimsuit became just a tunic
covering the shorts, very daring and quite figure hugging, but matching
stockings were still worn.
With the roaring 20’s following WWI, there was a
greater appreciation of recreation and the spending of leisure time and
swimsuits became more and more daring, sometimes even having cutout
sections in the midriff panel.
In the 1930’s swimwear started to become more body conscious,
gradually allowing for the exposure of more skin. There were feminine
cotton printed bathing suits that often had little over skirts to hide the
thighs.
|
|
