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Book Review: The Know It All
by Lang Reid
 This
book apparently began with the author A.J. Jacobs deciding to carry on from
where his father left off - reading the Encyclopedia Britannica (which by
the way, since it is truly British, should be the “Encyclopaedia”
Britannica)! In fact, by page 78, the author admits that with the Scottish
heritage of the EB, the Greek spelling was used, hence “Encyclopaedia”, but
continues after that with the American spelling. Perhaps he is a slow
learner.
What Jacobs has done is almost an abbreviated version of Bill Bryson’s A
Short History of Nearly Everything, but allowed the Encyclopedia Britannica
to do the research. All Jacobs had to do was read it, and absorb. And
comment.
This he has done very well, adding in his own literary license footnotes, as
it were, with many bringing forth the previously dry and dusty facts and
giving them more relevance. For example, when discussing child prodigies he
writes, “Braille discovered his writing system for the blind at age 15.
Bentham (who later had himself mummified) was studying Latin at the age of
four. When I was four, I was studying the effects of shoving bananas up my
nose.”
Amongst other unforgettable facts you can glean from the EB, with Jacob’s
help, is that a gymnasium is the Greek translation of “a school for naked
exercise”. This may explain in part the current popularity of going to the
gym. And we are only up to the letter “G”.
I was also interested to find that the Thai ‘sniff kiss’ is not a SE Asian
original. The Laplanders do it. My inability to sniff kiss properly at least
proves that I haven’t been promiscuous all over Lapland, if nothing else.
While dwelling on items pseudo-sexual, Jacobs mentions that “Elephant
copulation lasts 20 seconds.” And follows that up with “That should make a
lot of men feel better.”
And did you know that mime started in the Greco-Roman times and Jacobs lets
you into the secret that “Mime plots centered principally on scenes of
adultery and other vice. Evidence exists that acts of adultery were actually
performed on the mime stage during the Roman Empire. Execution scenes with
convicted criminals in place of actors are on record.” This all makes
gyrations in the nude on the stage of Thailand’s chrome pole palaces seem
fairly tame by comparison. But then, perhaps they didn’t try and stay open
past 1 a.m.
The Know It All (ISBN 0-09-948174-X, Arrow Books 2004) is all in all a fun
book and one that could stimulate a few readers to look up the EB
themselves. Knowledge is power is the old adage, which may or may not be so,
but it certainly makes for great books! At B. 450, this book does have
value, even if just as a catalyst or a jumping off point for further study.
And look at what you can learn, even if it is just how to have the odd snog
with a Laplander, or laughing behind your hand at the next elephant you see
flogging its bananas in Bangkok!
Mott’s CD review: Soft Machine
Third
Mott The Dog
 No
Stars. In fact detention.
In the year 1963 in a small Cathedral City in Kent, England called
Canterbury, a group of like minded souls decided to form a musical band.
Well it was the thing to do in those days wasn’t it. Every girl wanted a
Beatle or a Rolling Stone as a boyfriend. So the best thing to do was
grow your hair a bit and mimic them. Calling themselves ‘The Wilde
Flowers’, not misspelling their name to copy the Beatles but because of
founder member and lead vocalist Kevin Ayers fascination with a certain
Oscar Wilde. The formation of this band created what was to become known
in trendy circles as the Canterbury sound; not very original I know, but
at least literal.
‘The Wilde Flowers’ grew merrily along their way with members coming and
going over the next four years, until 1967, when a difference of
opinions caused a parting of the bunch. Four Flowers, Pye Hastings,
Richard Sinclair, David Sinclair (cousins), and Richard Coughlan went
off and formed ‘Caravan’ with the nucleus of the band still going to
this very day over forty years since ‘The Wilde Flowers ‘first sprouted.
Caravan albums are a thing of great musical beauty, wonderful whimsical
songs telling tales of wonderment, love, family principles, marital
bliss, and all the other wonderful things in life that never actually
seem to happen. The albums were always splendid musically, and as an
added bonus had brilliant titles such as ‘If I Could Do It All Over
Again, I Would Do It All Over You’ (1970), and ‘In The Land Of The Grey
And Pink’ (1971), probably their finest hour, and ‘For Girls Who Grew
Plump In The Night’ (1973).
Of course the path of the Caravan did not always run completely
smoothly, with some of the flock wishing to spread their wings. So out
of the Caravan came many other magnificent bands, such as, ‘Hatfield And
The North’ (named after a road sign as the band were on their way to
their first gig and did not have a name, so looking up at a sign at the
entrance to the English M.1 they saw a sign that said Hatfield and The
North), ‘National Health’, ‘Camel’ and ‘Mirage’.
The people who went the Caravan way from the Flowers were the more pop
influenced members. The others went off and formed ‘Soft Machine’ -
these were the far more avant-garde members of the band, the sort who
listened to jazz records in a dark room or who were quite simply just a
bit mad. The original line up of Soft Machine consisted of Kevin Ayers
on bass guitar and vocals (you have to realize that Kevin Ayers had only
learnt the bass guitar very recently and had chosen the bass as it was
in his opinion the simplest thing to play), Robert Wyatt on drums (when
Kevin Ayers had left ‘The Wilde Flowers’ so he could go on holiday to
Spain, Robert Wyatt had been kicked off his drum kit and replaced by the
far more talented Richard Coughlan, Robert Wyatt was allowed to stay in
‘The Wilde Flowers’ as they had nobody else to stand out the front and
sing, which probably did not bode well for ‘Soft Machine’ in the first
place), Daevid Allen was in charge of his guitar most of the time, Mike
Ratledge had taken over the keyboard position (mainly because nobody was
brave enough to tell him he couldn’t, mind you I do not blame them here
as he does cut a very daunting figure behind ominous black sun glasses),
and a certain Larry Nolan, who was in the band for the first couple of
gigs, but then realized he was from California, U.S.A. and so therefore
in the wrong band and left.
As a quartet the band became almost instant overnight heroes of the
burgeoning musical underground scene that was taking place in the
mid-Sixties. In those days the band was often put on the same bill as
Pink Floyd, with whom they played the 14 hour Technicolor Dream Concert
in London in April 1967. Robert Wyatt huffing and puffing, whilst
singing his little heart out from behind the drums, Kevin Ayers with
rouge on his cheeks, a black cowboy hat, surmounted by a huge pair of
model glider wings (remember this was six years before glam-rock), Mike
Ratledge all hunched up over his keyboards, wearing all black and
looking like a sinister vampire, and weirdest of all Daevid Allen,
wearing a miners helmet with the light switched on and a fixed manic
stare.
The audience reaction varied so much from gig to gig, sometimes to
rapturous applause, sometimes to threats of violence unless they
stopped. The band decided to take a break in France to avoid any
conflict. They paid for board and lodgings by getting involved in Alan
Zion’s production of Picasso’s ‘Desire Attrape Par La Queue’ which won
them even more notoriety. When they finally decided to put their feet
back on home territory Daevid Allen had trouble getting back into the
country on various grounds, including passport and appearance
differences. So it was decided it would be better all round if Daevid
Allen left the Soft’s, which he did, going on to form his own band
‘Gong’. His difficulties were soon sorted out and ‘Gong’ have gone onto
having a very successful career.
When the remaining trio got back, they discovered that their management
had booked them up on a six month tour of America, as support to Jimi
Hendrix, sometimes playing two shows a night. They also recorded their
first album in the States: ‘Soft Machine Volume One’ (1968), which was
only released in America and not released to the rest of the world until
nearly thirty years later, although selling well on import, a shame as
it had some barely listenable Kevin Ayers songs on it. This led to mass
confusion for the rest of the world when ‘Soft Machine Volume Two’ was
released and nobody knew about volume one.
Faced with playing all these dates without a guitarist would have
obviously been impossible, so a certain Andy Summers (later of ‘The
Police’) was contracted for the tour. But for a tour that was supposed
to break the band in America, it instead broke the band. Upon arrival
back in England Ayers and Summers announced their ‘Soft Machine’ days
were over permanently.
This left ‘Soft Machine’ as a duo - a sinister keyboard player and a
singing drummer. Hugh Hopper, the original bass player for ‘The Wilde
Flowers’ who had been considered too “out there” for the first
incarnation of the band was signed up, which gave the soft machine a
very odd shape. In this form they recorded their second album, ‘Soft
Machine Volume Two’ (1969). It is amazing that the record company
allowed it to be released.
Their record company then dropped them, but for some reason that can
only be known in the CBS boardroom at the time, CBS immediately snapped
them up, gave them a huge advance, masses of studio time and told them
to come up with a masterpiece. So what did the three Softs do? Taking
themselves very seriously, as obviously their genius had been
discovered, they brought into the studio some extra players because with
all this money floating around they might as well make a double album,
so we’ll need some people to make enough noise to fill up the necessary
four sides of the vinyl. They brought in an alto sax player, a violin
player, a couple of flute players, a trombonist, and somebody who has a
go at the bass clarinet.
The results were released on a poor unsuspecting public in June of 1970.
Imaginatively titled ‘Third’, it has four titles on it, each covering
one side of vinyl. At no point during this time are you in any danger of
hearing anything that vaguely resembles a tune. One wonders, did anybody
from the record company actually listen to this nonsense before
releasing it? The first piece you would be sure is a group of people
picking up musical instruments for the first time. Robert Wyatt can
sing, although his drumming skills are very questionable, but when he
does get a chance to sing, which is limited to once, he forgets the
words and instead of retaking it, they leave it as it is. Oh very arty.
People of course did buy it, and claimed it to be a work of brilliance.
Never has a case of the emperor’s new clothes been more clearly stated.
People in their teens when this was released who bought it were probably
doing so to play it loudly and annoy their parents whilst hopefully
impressing prospective members of the opposite sex with their
sophisticated tastes. Those same people today would only buy it to annoy
their partner or to put on at the end of a party when they want
everybody to go.
The Soft Machine finally fell silent in 1976, but unfortunately not
until some other little nuggets such as ‘Sixth’ and ‘Seventh’ had been
accomplished. Deservedly so, as it had been running on a false
reputation from the start. Individually there has been some good music
from Robert Wyatt, Kevin Ayers, and Daevid Allen, but under all that
Soft Machinery, nothing of merit can be heard.
Those accused of Soft Machinery are:
Mike Ratledge: Organ and Piano
Hugh Hopper: Bass Guitar
Robert Wyatt: Drums and Vocal
Elton Dean: Sax and Saxello
Rab Spall: Violin
Lyn Dobs: Flute and Soprano Sax
Nick Evans: Trombone
Jimmy Hastings: Flute and Bass Clarinet
Titles
Facelift
Slightly All The Time
Moon In June
Out-Bloody-Rageous
N.B. Do you think that with these titles the band were in on the joke?
Or is it a coincidence?
To contact Mott the
Dog email: [email protected]
Website: http://www.mott-the-dog.com
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