The politically (in)correct guide to sex
“The
politically (in)correct guide to sex” (ISBN 978-974-7313-84-0, published by
IQ Inc, September 2007) has been compiled by Swedish sexologist Professor
Ruud Organ, and if you believe all that, then you are also nervously
awaiting Santa Claus. Have you really been a good boy this year, or have you
been guilty of some of the ‘naughty things’ in the good Professor’s book?
“Professor Ruud” begins by stating the he is a great proponent for the
equality of the sexes. He is all for being approached by women, taken to
dinner and wined and dined and having doors opened for him. One gets the
feeling, that the Ruud Professor would come under the heading of an ‘easy
lay’, given the right surroundings and a bottle of half decent red.
Our erstwhile Professor also suggests foods that are good for increasing
your pheromones, and thus your attractiveness to the opposite sex. Amongst
those are apples, ginger, pumpkin seeds and ginseng, all items known to
produce flatulence. One hopes there is no canceling out effect on windy days
(or nights).
How to find a female who might be amenable to the pheromone enriched male’s
advances is covered in more than one chapter, where he gives the low-down on
how to meet and where. He does also give a warning about meeting free women.
“Well not free exactly, as they all cost money eventually.” The good
Professor also shows that he has fully researched the subject when he writes
about the problems of being in poor shape if trying to pick up women from
health clubs, “However, if you are a millionaire, you’ll be top of even the
most Bo Derek standard health club lady’s list, even if you look like a sack
of garbage and are an eighty year old hunchback with foul smelling breath -
money and power being such persuasive aphrodisiacs.” And they don’t have to
eat pumpkin seeds.
One chapter I found very amusing was the explanation of terminologies used
in Lonely Hearts columns, such as “Thirties – one hour off 40 at the time of
advertising” and “Old Fashioned Girl – OK if you like senior citizens: teeth
falling out, incontinence, large pink bloomers with elastic around the legs.
Depends on what you’re into.”
Professor Organ seems to have something of a fetish for the large pink
bloomers with elastic round the legs as they also get a mention in the
chapter on growing old, as in you know you’re getting too old for sex when…
One wonders if the young Ruud stumbled into his mother’s bedroom and caught
Mama in the underwear.
A cheap book of laughs at B. 290, available at DK Books Central Pattaya and
all good ‘naughty’ book outlets. Would make a great Xmas stocking filler for
those with an ‘adult’ sense of humor. This is not a book for children, even
if it does explain in some ways how we got them! He does also state on the
front cover “Don’t forget to wear a condom” so if you do follow his advice
to the letter, the aforesaid ankle-biter problems will never eventuate.
