Chinese GP this weekend

The Chinese Grand Prix is at Shanghai this weekend, and in Pattaya it’s the start of the Songkran festival. This national sport kills around 600 participants each year. Songkran that is, not the Grand Prix.

So what has that got to do with the Chinese GP? Everything. The ‘festivities’ are such that traffic can come to a halt on the main day, but remember Songkran Sunday is not the main day - that is Thursday 19, called “Wan lai”.

On Sunday 15, some businesses close their doors; however, Jameson’s Irish Pub is not one of those on this Sunday with Landlord Kim Fletcher advising me that they will be open. He also advises that the best way to approach the pub is from Sukhumvit or North Roads, wriggle past the Diana Gardens Estate, cross Third Road and come into Soi AR that way. If it doesn’t work, then Kim Fletcher will be singing boy soprano.

The race will start at 2 p.m. Thai time on Sunday, and we watch the dedicated F1 channel (no adverts during the race) in front of the huge screen at Jameson’s! I will allow myself a little longer traveling time, just in case, but the Grand Prix and the Sunday specials together are too good to miss. Jameson’s is right next to Nova Park, if you are unsure.

At this stage, the Championship table shows that the old order from 2010 and 2011 is no longer there. Red Bull, after two years of being on top of the heap, now finds itself fighting for fourths! McLaren looks fast after qualifying, locking out the front row of the grid in Australia and Malaysia, but has been unable to consistently turn the pole positions into wins. Ferrari, with what is undoubtedly a dog of a car has lead driver Alonso actually leading the championship! “Lotus” (nee Renault) with Raikkonen, is just off the podium as well, but the second driver Grosjean cannot turn his blistering qualifying into finishes, let alone podiums.

F-Type breaks cover - officially

Jaguar F-Type.

A few months ago I published some news of the Jaguar concept car, the C-X16, and expressed the opinion that I hoped it might make production. Now the news is out that Jaguar will be building this car, and is to be called the F-Type.

This makes a very logical progression with post-war Jaguar sports cars beginning with the C-Type, then the D-Type followed by the wildly popular E-Type. This new car, which is to be released in 2013, also has styling similarities which makes it a worthy successor to the E.

Adrian Hallmark, Global Brand Director of Jaguar confirmed at the New York Auto Show that the F-Type will be in production, and yes, based on the stunning C-X16.

The F-Type will join Jaguar’s existing range - the XF sedan and Sportbrake, XJ sedan and XK coupe/convertible.

Full specifications are not confirmed, but it is claimed that the new car will have a top speed approaching 300 km/h and have a zero to 100 km/h under five seconds, making it a definite supercar.

Jaguar released their own camouflaged spy photos with the “F” design, though it does look rather like the Fendi handbag livery!

Car Engineering and physical laws

I was always taught that physics was an exact science. What goes up must come down, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, similar magnetic poles repel, pressure is equally distributed in a closed vessel, the speed of light is absolute, e=mc2 and all that kind of stuff. Well, it’s not. If you ever want to disprove physics as a science, then buy a car. They do not obey physical laws.

I have always considered car electrics to be a black art. Take the battery, for example, and I am sure you have all experienced the following. You have a perfectly good battery which is just over 12 months old. In your mind that’s almost brand new. In fact, you can even remember how much you paid for it, so it must be very new. And then one morning it won’t turn the engine over. It worked perfectly yesterday, and now it won’t, or doesn’t want to.

You push start the car and run it for half an hour, as you suppose you must have left the headlights on, or something equally as explicable. Turn it off, and hey presto! It’s as dead as a dodo.

If you are really into masochism, you then borrow your mate’s battery charger and leave it on all night. Triumphantly you remove the cables and jump in. It doesn’t work. Perfectly good one day, completely cactus the next. Explain that one, Mr. Einstein.

I haven’t finished with electrics yet. There’s the great little device called “the coil”. This electrical marvel delivers high voltage to the spark plugs and does a sterling job until one day, it just doesn’t deliver. No warning. It just stops working and is then quite useless forever. You cannot resurrect it, coax it back into life or anything. Its only use is as a missile to throw at soi dogs.

Another bit of engineering that defies physical laws lies in the universal joints in the propeller shaft. A kind of metal X with case-hardened caps filled with rollers. Despite all the greasing in the world, these things would always seize up, and you had to pull it all apart.

The Owners Manual made it look easy. (Those were the days when the manufacturer actually allowed you to touch the car. These days your warranty would become null and void and you would probably be subjected to some kind of exquisite electro-torture. Tomorrow you will be shot if you open the bonnet.) But back to the manual, plus pix of some chap in a dust coat. “Tap the yoke lightly and the bearing will appear” was what the good book said. Not one solitary word as what to do when the bearings didn’t appear - and they never did.

No, the tapping physical law does not exist. You have to get the biggest cold chisel you can and split the casing, and by the time you have thoroughly butchered it, then the bearing will appear - in bits. “Tap the yoke lightly” indeed! Physics be damned!

Nitto 3K Retro series begins May 5 and 6 at Bira

Securitas Retro Escort and B-Quik technician.

The Retro Series for 2012 looks to be even more competitive as drivers can see that the Retro Series represents the most fun for the money, and remains one of the most affordable classes in racing.

Basically the cars have to be manufactured before 1985, and the classes are then divided on engine types (naturally aspirated or Turbo/supercharged). The older styles of car feature less complicated engineering, making it possible for ‘home mechanics’ to prepare and maintain their racing cars. Most of the cars also comply with road registration, so expensive trailers are not the norm, as most drivers simply drive to the circuit.

There are many makes involved in the series, right from Porsche 944s, through to BMW E30’s, hordes of Toyota Corolla DX and many other Toyota types, a couple of Mk1 Ford Escorts and more.

Our Securitas Retro Escort Team which came third last year in the championships has had an upgraded engine for the 2012 season and is now being made race-ready. It was taken to the B-Quik workshop to have the wheel alignment set on racing specifications, and they certainly were “quick”. Thank you K. Mai and your technicians.

Unbeatable bargains

Suzuki Swift eco-car.

The Motor Show in Bangkok showed just what incredible bargains there are in the automotive sector at present. The government’s pushing of the ‘eco-car’ category has made it such that some very inexpensive new cars can be bought for around 400,000 THB, and if this is your first car, you can knock another 100,000 THB off the sticker price as well with the government’s rebate program.

Newcomers to the category are the Mitsubishi Mirage and the Suzuki Swift which will compete against each other as well as against the Nissan March and the Honda Brio (now that Honda has resumed production after the factory was flooded).

Suzuki executives said they initially expected about 2,000 orders at the show, but after the Swift was launched, more than 4,000 orders have already been placed, and motor show sales were higher than expected.

The Mitsubishi Mirage is built on the Mitsubishi Global Small platform and features a high tensile steel body that is lighter and more rigid than regular steel. The engine is a four valves three cylinder unit with the 1.2 liter engine developing 78 bhp. It comes with a CVT (Continuously Variable Transmission) and has Mitsubishi is claiming a fuel economy of 22 kilometers per liter.

With all the other offerings in this category, Mitsubishi offered free insurance and a cash rebate of 10,000 THB for the first 9,000 Mirage customers. The Mirage range runs from 388,000 to 546,000 THB.

The Suzuki Swift eco-car variant appears to have caught the imagination of the public. Now built in Thailand to comply with the eco-car requirements, it is a down market version of the imported 1.5 liter Swift. This new version has a 1.2 liter, 4 cylinder 12 valve engine with a claimed output of 91 bhp. The Swift also comes with a CVT and is priced from 469,000 to 559,000 THB.

Praphat Choeychom, senior vice president at Nissan Motor (Thailand), said the small-car segment was very competitive; however, Nissan’s March has had a great year. “Nissan was the first company to introduce the eco-car and we were highly successful. This year we also have a special model in the lineup and expect the same level of success,” he said.

Honda had six months to forget with the flooding of the Ayutthaya factory, but now up and running, the stylish little Honda Brio could garner a good foothold in the eco-car category.

Autotrivia Quiz

Last week I asked what car used the spare wheel as part of the bumper? It was the Healey Silverstone.

So to this week. Look at the photo - I want the car, the year and why did they build it?

For the Automania free beer this week, be the first correct answer to email [email protected]