No common language

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Dear Hillary,

I never thought I would have this problem, but I’ve certainly got it now. I have met absolutely the best girl for me. She is really super and works in an office near mine, in the same building in fact, so I see her here every day. I’m not the sort to rush in, I have done the homework and she’s not married or attached or anything like that, but here’s the problem. The girls in my office who have done the detective work tell me that she doesn’t speak English. In fact, it seems she has no English at all. I really want to get close to this woman, but I haven’t got enough Thai to be able to chat her up or anything. What’s my next step, Hillary

Tongue Tied Ted

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Dear Tongue Tied Ted,

What a dilemma! After hours of surveillance, and some none too subtle investigations, here you are, hormones raging at the thought of this nice young woman and you don’t know how to pop the question. Or any question, for that matter. You have just discovered a simple and inescapable fact, my tongue tied Petal. The country this woman lives and works in is called Thailand. That’s not “tongue tie”-land, either. This is her country, and the language she speaks gets her everywhere, and everything. There is a lesson for you here. If you want to have a relationship with this Thai lady, then go and learn some basic Thai. Then go and try it out on her. If she thinks you are a nice chap, she will even help you with the pronunciations. However, if she doesn’t respond, then you have to accept the fact that you didn’t make her hormones explode, the way she made yours. Best of luck with the language course, and better make it soon.