Girlfriend on Thai time

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Dear Hillary

My girlfriend seems to work in a totally different time clock to me. She can go up the road to the market and come back two hours later as if she’d just been away for five minutes. She takes the maid with her so I know she’s not up to something. How can I get her to understand I get worried that something has happened to her?

Rolex

Dear Rolex,

Thai people do not have the pressing need to watch the clock the way foreigners do. You should explain to her that you are not checking up on her as this is certainly not good for any relationship, but that you are just worried for her safety, which is something Thai people do understand and appreciate. You should also make sure she takes a mobile phone with her. Buy her one if she hasn’t got one already. They are cheap enough these days and will save you hours of agonizing.