Dear Hillary,
Some days when I read your column you really can be terribly bitchy. Why are you like this? These people are only asking for help. Surely you could try a little bit of the milk of human kindness for a change.
Eugene
Dear Eugene,
What on earth would make you think I get bitchy? What a terrible thing to say, my Petal! But I do get bitchy when I have to answer ridiculous obvious questions like yours. I agree though, you certainly do need help, but I doubt if you’d like the rubber room and the funny sleeveless tight jacket. Best to steer clear of me till next week. And if you’re going to pop over, pick up a bottle of the special milk, you could try 7-Eleven, I suppose.
