Have you noticed just how today’s bumper bars just fall off the vehicles they are supposed to protect from minor bumps? Come on, that’s why they were called “bumper bars” in the first place. So, how many cars have you seen recently with tape holding the bumper bar in position, both front and rear bars? Lots, is the answer.
Of course, that is referring to new or nearly new cars. Old cars had two dumb irons out the front, attached to which was something about the size of a piece of railway line, but it was chromed. It was bolted in place and it took three days soaking in oil before you could get the nuts to move. Those were real “bumper bars” made of steel, none of this newfangled plastic stuff.
And when you think about it, just how much use is the thermoformed plastic as a bumper? About as useful as a hip pocket in a swim suit. The slightest “bump” when parking, and the retaining clips all fly off and the so-called “bumper” falls on the ground. In theory, if you could get some new clips, you should be able to affix said bumper back on the car, but like all good theories, they don’t always work in practice. New clips as a single item do not exist. They come with a new bumper, they tell me. And we were all led to believe that the new bumpers would be so much cheaper than repairing the old metal ones, with all that beating and rechroming. However, I must say that a new one is definitely quicker to replace – provided the clips came with it.
There is another problem relating to the modern bumper bar. As well as the thermoplastic thing, there is actually another metal bar inside it, spot welded to the body. In a decent sort of bump, the plastic bar does nothing other than deform, allowing contact with the metal structure underneath, which in turn squashes and bends the bodywork as well. There was something to be said about the old railway line held on with two big nut and bolts. It may not have been elegant, but it sure was practical.
