Dear Hillary,
I have a nice relationship with my Thai girlfriend, even though I only get to see her for about two times four weeks every year on my holidays. We set up a condo together (it’s in my name, no worries) and she seems happy enough there, though I am a little worried by the amount she tells me she spends every month. She has a good job as a secretary and should be able to live on what she earns, but every month she needs about another 40-50,000 baht from me to keep going. The money she tells me is for maintenance of the condo, then her mother who looks after her two kids up country needs money, then the phone bills seem astronomical, and on and on and on. I enjoy my times over there, but I am starting to think that maybe I’m getting ripped off somewhere down the line. Do you think I am?
James
Dear James,
It is not really possible for me to say yes or no from the sketchy details you have sent me, but 50,000 baht on top of her wages in a rent-free condo does seem rather excessive. I think it is about time you considered saying “No” to the requests? What would she do then? Then there is the other fact, that just because she has rent-free accommodation, does not mean in her mind that she owes you her life. You are only prepared to be there for her for two months a year, and that is all. This does not appear to be a life-long commitment, does it? The condo is not in her name, and actually you could kick her out at any time. Agreed? She has no security, from a guy she sees twice a year, and who sends money. Where does that put the relationship? There seems to be a misguided impression out there that by throwing some money in a Thai girl’s lap this means you have some gorgeous girl now yours, and faithful forever. Commitment comes with that magic ingredient called “love” and best with a capital L. Thai girls are just as emotionally needy and looking for a committed partner as girls in your home country, but smile more readily. Two months in 12 is not a relationship with any depth, Petal. You have been fooling yourself I am afraid.
