Dear Hillary,
Since you deal with those people who have problems making decisions and get into “guilt trips” I thought you might be able to use the following email which was sent to me by a friend.
Here is the “Forwarder’s” 8 step program. Everyone say it with me…
1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I don’t forward an email.
2. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money because I respond to an email.
3. Ford will NOT give me a 50 percent discount even if I forward my email to more than 50 people.
4. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an email to 10 people.
5. There is NO SUCH THING as an email tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an email to 10 or more people!
6. There is NO kid with cancer through the Last-Wish program in New Jersey collecting anything! He did when he was 7years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN’T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
7. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every email address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
8. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don’t believe in Jesus. If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!
Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out!
Jasper
Dear Jasper,
Thank you for the affirmations and there are many people who need this cathartic experience (look it up, my Petals). Why people feel obliged to follow the dictates of an email, just because it came through the ether, is beyond me too. I suppose every era in history had its doomsayers, we just get ours quicker these days. Thank you for sharing that with us.
