Sell me two sheep and a ram

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Dear Hillary,

With the world all wired these days, you would imagine that computers would be reliable by now.  But no way.  However, with machines where you have to push ‘start’ to stop, what can you expect?  Mine has broken down again.  Can you recommend a good computer technician?  Every time my computer breaks down, the technician takes it away to fix it, and returns it several days later and when I go to use it, something else has packed up.  If he works on it at my condo he is there for hours click-clacking away and not only does he not fix the first problem, but leaves more than when he started, but leaves me a hefty bill each time.  “You haven’t got enough RAM,” seems to be the catchword with these people, but even after buying more, the problems are still there.  Any ideas, Hillary?  My internet doesn’t work any more, and he can’t fix that either!

Frazzled

Dear Frazzled,

You’re lucky it’s only a RAM problem.  I’ve bought a veritable sheep station of RAMs and now they’re telling me it is my operating system that is no good.  I ask you, what’s wrong with Windows 1946?  It worked before, why not now?  Honestly Petal, I have no idea about this modern technology.  A chap called Vance Packard wrote a book called The Waste Makers, all about this plot to get us girls to open our purses as everything we buy fails.  Bring back faxes, I say.  I could understand those.  I have to communicate with the editor with notes written on the back of envelopes.  His office is just below mine, so it’s easy to slip one under the door (he works rather strange hours, and nobody ever sees him).  I think he might have one of those disfiguring diseases like a terminal hangnail or horrendous halitosis or something.  I do inhale deeply as I pass his door, just in case he’s died in there after last week’s paper was put to bed.  See just how thoughtful I am!

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