Dear Hillary,
It is always amazing the way questions are couched on your page. Rather Shy (April 6th) does seem a bit disadvantaged being shy while, as you suggest, he was in a bar. Rather Shy seems to dislike being asked direct questions and you reply that he is lucky that anyone is interested enough to even ask questions. Anyway I have to take an opposing view to your response on this one. I accept that many girls are doing a social fact find but I don’t agree that the formula is correct and therefore to be tolerated. So far so good. So a girl sees a boy and dives in asking questions. We all know the format and it is probably as tedious for the girl as the customer. Already she is in dominant mode: she wants me in the bar, to sit down, to place an order, and surrender to questions… I have changed the routine and, so long as the girl understands enough, suggest to her immediately following the initial “What’s your name?” that she should give me something before she asks for something. This is always funny as the moment is always of total non understanding and confusion. However, by the time she realizes that offering her name before asking mine is an even deal and much more acceptable we have become the best of friends. As soon as the fun starts girl realizes I am interested in her, her name, her family, her money, etc., and I am just as happy to reciprocate or trade information; photos on both sides come out, pictures of husbands and wives, children, pets, etc., always still ending up with “you pay bar fine?”
Now I never answer the first question. If the girl doesn’t understand my trade she is not, in my mind, ready yet, or, to return to your statement not interested enough.
Not Desperate, Pattaya
Dear Not Desperate, Pattaya,
Well, aren’t you the cocksure one! I honestly can’t see that the difference in the approach has any merit to it, especially when, as you report, the ending is the same with a request for the bar fine to be paid. However, I can see that you are one of those people who like to dominate, so it is obviously more satisfying from your point of view, my Petal. However, you should realize the more astute workers behind the bar would have already seen through your attempt to dominate the cultural exchange and you are liable to end up drinking on your own, though probably feeling very self-satisfied. Beside yourself even, probably your favorite position?
