January. The first farang-Thai gay couple appears at the Pattaya registration center to obtain their marriage license, only to be turned down by the registrar owing to inadequate documentation. The foreigner had forgotten to file his 90 day report at the immigration bureau which means that he has failed to present a verified address.
February. The long dispute about a huge condominium at Pattaya seafront, partly constructed on public land without proper authorization, is finally resolved. It is agreed by all parties to open a further 86 Indian restaurants to cope with escalating demand.
March. The Walking Street Management Consortium warns of power cuts following the decision to replace the underground cables with overhead electricity and water pipes. A spokesperson says this is in response to a public survey which showed that most tourists prefer the Street as it was 10 years ago.
April. The new offence, with a 5,000 baht fine, for throwing water at Songkran on policemen in or out of uniform leads to chaos as revelers are forced to ask in advance the occupation of intended victims. This leads to heated arguments in the street, sometimes leading to violence and threatening behavior which activates a further 5,000 baht fine.
May. A lady is questioned at U-tapao airport why she is carrying a double quantity of duty-free alcohol and cigarettes whilst travelling through Customs. She answers that she has to meet her husband in a separate exit in order to collect the casket containing his remains..
June. The Thai Revenue Department belatedly apologizes to expats about the requirement to fill in forms TD90 and TD91 to check whether they are liable to pay income tax on cash remitted from overseas. This is entirely unnecessary as the correct forms are TD92 and TD93.
July. The top prize for the Best British Breakfast in Pattaya goes to Dave’s Delicious Diner for its chicken korma with chips and HP sauce. The owner says his win reflects the importance of keeping up to date with contemporary cuisine in Pattaya’s busiest tourist resort.
August. A foreign tourist complains about entering a Pattaya massage parlour and taking advantage of a 60 minutes special with a happy conclusion. He says he is very disappointed to discover the concluding choice is tea or coffee. The manageress points out the establishment has apologized and will provide milk and sugar in future.
September. A foreign investor surprisingly buys a Jomtien street bar which hadn’t experienced a customer in the last three months. He tells the estate agent that the lack of customers is no problem as he has heard property prices are rising 20 percent every year and he wants to be part of the boom in order to resell.
October. Alarming rumors of yet another military coup are dashed after a tank is seen trundling towards Pattaya from military headquarters. The driver tells bystanders that he is on his way t o provide the background for a TV documentary on the history of military coups.
November. A regular tourist in Sexy Soi Six is befuddled after he provided cash for his girlfriend to buy 50 pigs for her father’s farm near the Myanmar border and also provided medical assistance to a sick buffalo herd. When he asked the lady how much she loved him, her reply was “Up to You”.
December. A foreigner who is fond of birds is found guilty of working without the authorized permit. He had trained his pet parrot to say to all and sundry in Pattaya shopping malls, “Happy Christmas and please give me 100 baht.” It is not clear if the deportation order applies to one or both of them.
