Pattaya Mail — Columns

Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Dolf Riks: An expedition into the interior and a visit to “Beyond the bridge over the River Kwae”

In 1961, after a career at sea, which I prematurely ended before I could call myself Captain and boast four golden stripes on the sleeves of my uniform, I settled in Bangkok’s suburbs to pursue a bohemian lifestyle. Once I became used to the deprivations normally associated with such a colourful existence, I started to make solitary expeditions into the interior and remoter parts of this, at the time, mysterious tropical paradise. Towns and sites, now commonplace, and down trodden tourist destinations, but at the time unknown territories, were my quest.

It was in those early days in the early sixties that I got hold of a small sky blue, rather flimsy brochure, a pamphlet to be precise which advertised the Sri-Erawan Hotel in a place called Nam Tok, meaning waterfall, situated at the end of the notorious Burma railway. The Sri-Erawan Hotel’s rates were most reasonable and the attractions it offered worth contemplating. The promotion was illustrated with a beautiful maiden cavorting under a lush waterfall surrounded by tropical vegetation. It featured a telephone number to be reached in Bangkok but claimed, "If you are not more than fifty, come at once!"

It so happened that in those days I had a houseguest, a good friend and former second officer of mine, named Dirk Plooy. It was my duty as a host to introduce him to the charms of the land of the Tom Yam and the sometimes not so benign smile. After some deliberations, we decided to try our luck and travel to Nam Tok by train, stay at the fabulous Sri-Erawan Hotel, see the end of the Burma railway and bathe in the waterfall. I erroneously thought this to be the Sayok waterfall on the River Kwae Noi, or what foreigners, because of transliteration difficulties, insist to call River Kwai or "buffalo river".

Since there were only two of us, bookings seemed not to be necessary and one morning, even before dawn, we took a taxi to the Bangkok Noi train station at the Thonburi side of the Menam Chao Phya river. The train left on schedule, at about six a.m., and after an hour or two we reached Kanchanaburi, the "city of gold".

We crossed the infamous bridge and laboriously the train crept along the tracks through the hills and tunnels and along the steep gorges on its original way to the Three Pagoda Pass on the Burmese border (the last part was demolished after the war). We remembered those who died and suffered as slave labour of the Japanese during the construction of this railway of despair, so long ago.

At midday we ordered some beer as it was about lunch time but several times when the train stopped at a small rural station we were asked to move to another coach as the one we were sitting in was being hooked off because of lack of passengers. As we were in no hurry, looking forward to the sumptuous accommodation of the Sri-Erawan Resort Hotel, we obeyed without fuss, packed our belongings and transferred to the next coach. Finally, the only coach left was the one with the restaurant. Again we moved and once settled at a table, called for another beer and resumed our discourse.

At the next stop, the delay seemed to be longer than usual. Members of the staff stood around us, chatting away and to be social we offered them some beer and everybody was having a good time. After at least half an hour I absentmindedly looked out of the window and saw to my surprise a sign in the distant, which said "Nam Tok". I realised that this was supposed to be our destination. Nothing else was visible to the naked eye but hills, tall grass and some jungle-like clumps of vegetation.

We hurriedly disembarked. Obviously the other passengers - if any - had left a long time ago, and the only person we met when we left the platform was an old lady with a stack of wood on her back who regarded us with great suspicion. When I asked in my best Thai for the Sri-Erawan Hotel she vaguely waved us to a thicket of trees and a path leading towards it.

After a short walk we reached a hamlet of about five or six houses, one of which turned out to be a coffee shop or restaurant of sorts. Being hungry we decided to eat something first and ordered Kow Pad, which was of reasonable quality. After the late lunch - I believe the total duration of our journey had been six hours - the villagers showed us the road to follow and after a ten minutes walk we finally reached our destination, the Sri-Erawan Hotel.

It was not exactly what one would expect from a hotel or resort so attractively advertised. It resembled a large house and after walking around it we found a rather languid person who showed us the accommodation. It featured five large rooms with four double beds each and two equally large rooms with three double beds each. According to my calculation it meant that the hotel could accommodate 52 persons at any given time. Viewing the fact that there was besides us only one other guest, an employee from a big firm in Bangkok, it was no wonder that one did not have to make reservations, "if not over fifty people".

We selected a room meant for eight and I suggested that if Dirk and I moved four times each during the night, we would have occupied all the beds by the time the sun came up, which was splendid value for money. A draw back was that there was no electricity and no running water. Kerosene lamps were lit at night and one could take a bath at the bathing facilities near the rainwater tank or at the well in the back yard. Room service was non existent and we had to supply our own refreshments.

It was late afternoon but Dirk and I decided to explore the waterfall, have a swim, and view the end of the Burma railway. We followed the over grown railway track and at its end was the waterfall. Having grown up in Indonesia where there are waterfalls galore, I have always been astonished at the fascination the local population has for any form of rushing or falling water. Usually not more than a rapid, they will make a great fuss about it and drag you for miles through almost impassable jungle to few the phenomena. This "waterfall" was no exception. It turned out to be a trickle coming down a rock from a height of about five meters and the pool it supplied was almost dry.

After bathing in the shallow pool, we, slightly disappointed with this tourist attraction, returned to the hotel where we refreshed ourselves properly at the well, and off we went for dinner in the same food shop we had that late lunch. By this time it was dark and the villagers seemed to have retired. The restaurant was still open but the Chinese proprietor, slightly irritable, said that we should have reserved, as he had no cooked rice left. Fortunately, one of the neighbours, who had been listening, declared that she still had some cold rice and so we had dinner after all.

The rest of the evening we sat on the veranda of the hotel with a kerosene light and the stars for illumination, enjoying the peace and tranquillity, until the sky darkened and a tremendous rainstorm chased us inside. The next morning after a counsel of war we decided to return to Kanchanaburi. There we spent a few days exploring the countryside and visiting the memorials and graves of the allied soldiers who died of sickness, maltreatment and exhaustion, or as a result of accidents and bombardments during the building of the railway and the construction of the original bridge.

The real "Nam Tok Sayok" is beautiful, if not as impressive as the "Victoria Falls" in Africa. It is situated on the northern shore of the River Kwae Noi near the village where we spent the night.

Dear Hillary,
You might smile at my problem, but for me it isn’t so easy. Since living in Pattaya, I can now imagine what so many women have to go through. I am a man, but sometimes I am afraid of going out alone. Wherever I go, except in very good restaurants where a special kind of woman is not allowed, I feel sexually harassed. As soon as I order my drink, standing at a bar, or even at the bar of a pub or restaurant, some of "those ladies", obviously very professional, (which is a shame that they are allowed in there) will walk over or will already be sitting next to me, trying to involve me in a conversation. Usually it turns out to become a pick-up act. When I tell them that I am not interested in Thai girls, they ask if I am gay or not normal or some other very stupid question or even get loud and angry with me for not wanting anything from them.

I can assure you, I am actually a very normal single man, not too bad looking as many women have told me already, but I have been living in Pattaya for many years and I have had all the experiences possible with Thai women. After a while I got rather bored with their tactics and their behaviour. Now nobody seems to understand that I am only interested in nice Farang women with whom I can have a serious and intelligent talk as well as beautiful sex. Usually, whenever I go to a bar, I try to stand next to Farang women, not only so I can talk to them, but also to be safe from Thai girls. I always ask them first if I am allowed to do so and they usually understand me. Still, my question to you is, what to do to get rid of those bothersome prostitutes?

Sexually Harassed

Dear Sexually Harassed,
You have all my sympathy. At last, there is one man who admits how well he understands women who go out by themselves to have a drink and receive sexual harassment by a certain type of man. I do understand your feelings; it is not easy in Pattaya’s nightlife not to be bothered by some of those "gold-hunters". On the other hand, you do have to understand these women. Picking up men for money is probably all they have ever learned in life and, you have to admit, they do it very cleverly. Many of those girls, being very simple minded and having learned out of experience that almost all men are trying to pick them up, will believe that one guy who is not willing to do so must be kind of strange. All you can do about it is forgive them, for they don’t know any better, and try to avoid going to those certain kinds of places. I myself know a few pubs and restaurants in Pattaya where nobody would even think of trying to pick you up or harass you sexually. Those are also the places where nice Farang women (I strongly believe this is a very good tactic of yours to meet nice women, for their motherly feelings will be aroused and they will try to help you) will go to and this might give you a change to get in touch with them. In case you don’t know about those places, write to me and I will pass on a few names of those places.

Dear Hillary,
I have a problem with my plants. I do not have a gardener, for I don’t have a real garden, only many plants in pots in front of my door. Usually all plants in Thailand grow wild, natural and big and are just beautiful. How come my plants are getting yellow, losing their leaves and dying slowly? All my neighbour’s plants are beautiful green, and my eyes are also turning green looking at them. I am sure I give them enough water, sometimes three times a day. What am I doing wrong?

Plant Lover.

Dear Plant Lover,
There could be many reasons why the leaves of your plants turn yellow. Maybe you water them while there is bright sunshine, or maybe you give them too much water (don’t forget, it’s now the rainy season), or the soil is not good and should be exchanged. Anyhow, I myself don’t know too much about how to treat plants the right way. The best thing for you to do would be to ask some gardener for help or one of your neighbours with all those beautiful plants. In case some of our readers know how to save your plants, we would be very happy if you could write to us with some advice. Just mail your letters or faxes to Pattaya Mail c/o Hillary.

Dear Readers,
I would like to encourage you once again to write letters to me and tell me about your problems. There’s always something you’d like to know or need advice about. Sometimes it is hard to talk to your spouse, your family or your friends about it, but much easier to open up to a total stranger. Your letters will be handled with the utmost respect and confidence and will be answered, no matter if you sign with your full name and address or only with a pseudonym.

Yours truly,
Hillary

  Thai Idiom: Long Lai

‘To be lost and to flow’

‘Those don’t seem to go together.’

‘If you’re lost, nothing flows.’

‘Don’t worry. They’ll have some stupid explanation.’

Right. In the Thai language, if lai (to flow) follows the word long (to be lost), it means to flow aimlessly.
If the two are put together, the combination means to be infatuated or besotted, usually with a person.
One could say, ‘He is so long-lai her that he doesn’t see his friends anymore.’

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