Pattaya Mail — Columns

HEADLINES [click on headline to view story]:
 
 
Winebibbers Grapevine
 
Dolf Riks: Herbs and Spices: Basilicum
 
Heart to Heart with Hillary (Advice column)
 
Thai Idiom: Blur

Winebibber’s Grapevine  

Lethal weapon thwarted
A local tree feller has been sentenced to three years in prison after holding eleven people to ransom in Rayong. He charged into a hotel lobby, wielding a huge electric chain saw, and demanded money and valuables from the security deposit boxes. He was immediately pinned to the floor by security staff who noticed he had forgotten to plug his machine into the mains.

Twenty two caliber
Local health and safety officials are alarmed by the untimely death of DIY fanatic Lance Preston, 22, who hired a Chevy pickup from a Pattaya rental company to take a hunting trip in southern Thailand. When the vehicle broke down miles from anywhere because of a dud tubelike fuse, he inserted a rifle bullet as a replacement which proved to be a perfect fit. However, when electricity heated the bullet, it went off and shot him straight through the heart.

Amazing Thailand again
The baht has collapsed and all is doom and gloom. Or is it? In the past fortnight, construction work in Pattaya has begun on two new gas stations, a new apartment block and a row of shop houses, all within walking distance of the city center. Either somebody out there knows something the rest of us don’t, or Pattaya really is the Eternal City.

Choose your channels
IBC, which provides subscription TV programs by DTH satellite to thousands of customers, has announced that from February 1998 it will introduce a new tariff to replace the current flat rate fee of around 800 baht a month. You will make your choice from six movie channels, four sports channels and an assortment of light entertainment and current affairs, all in English. The new tariff will range from 700 to 1100 baht a month according to what you want to pay for. What you don’t pay for will be scrambled. A similar sort of system is operated by Sky TV in Britain. If you are looking for recent movies and the same day’s sports coverage, expect to pay the higher premiums.

Back toothed compliment
A farang picked up a beautiful Thai virgin in a Soi Yodsak nitery and adjourned to his hotel suite. Before retiring for horizontal inter-facing, the man washed his hands with different towels three times. The girl commented, "Are you a dentist?" to which the farang replied that indeed he was. Next morning, the girl complimented him, "You must be very good dentist," which so perplexed the satisfied customer that he asked how she could tell. She retorted, "I did not have any sensation at all with you."

If the worst happens
Remember, under the new Thai constitution, that the longest the police can hold a suspect without formally charging him or her after interrogation is 72 hours. Previously, it was a week. Farang prisoners will normally be held for the first few days in the police station nearest to the offence. Pattaya police station is notoriously overcrowded and is not famous for its cuisine.

Bargain time
There really are some excellent deals on airfares to Europe right now. Return tickets from Bangkok to London or Frankfurt for well under 20,000 baht. Business class options start at around 45,000 with Emirates. China Airlines take you to Amsterdam and then allow you to take an onward leg to a provincial city, say Manchester or Munich. Check out the opportunities with several travel agents, but make sure they are long established in Pattaya.

Calendar shocker
Banner seen in South Pattaya hostelry. "Notice. Because Christmas Day Number 25 this year is a Thursday, we have moved it to Saturday Number 27 when Lek has a Happy Birthday. Party all day and gifts in the Tub." Perhaps they’d better think it out again.

Presidential profile
In the eternal quest to make rewarding conversation in Sin City, a go go club hostess tried to get into an intimate situation with a black tourist from Alabama USA. Finding her advances spurned, the girl became indignant: "You same as President Clinton. Not spend money in Pattaya."

Expensive fruit
After handing over 1685 baht at a supermarket checkout, a careful farang customer analysed her till receipt and noticed she had been charged for five tomatoes instead of four, an enormous difference of three baht. Calling over the supervisor and her three assistants, the lady triumphantly pointed out the mistake and demanded her refund. The group patiently emptied her carrier bag and examined the contents item by item. Ten minutes later, a new till receipt was produced for 1799 baht. "Solly," the shocked customer was informed, "Check-out girl forget to charge you for two bags of spaghetti."

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Dolf Riks: Herbs and Spices: Basilicum

Bot: ocimum basilicum. Fam: labiatae
Other names: bai horapa (Thai),
kemangi (Indon.) surasa (India)

The basil family, which originates in southern Asia, has many aromatic members, some with wonderful pleasing flavours. It is a sacred plant and when the three sages on Christmas eve camped in the desert, Balthasar saw a flowering basil plant and marvelled. I fail to see the significance of this but that’s what the legend says. Bocaccio tells about the beautiful Elisabeta who buried the head of her lover in a pot of basil and watered it with her tears.

In India, tulsi, a member of this distinguished labiatae family, is used for religious ceremonies and it is regarded by the Hindus with so much reference that in British courts in colonial days, when a Hindu had to be sworn in, substituted a bunch of tulsi for the bible to take the oath on (Tom Stobard in "Herbs, Spices and Flavourings").

All the above proves how wonderful and blessed a herb it is. In Thailand we have, to my knowledge, four varieties of the plant used in cooking and served with La-ab, a popular Northern and North Eastern dish, or with the Nam Prik which is a chilli sauce. These are: Bai Horapa (mentioned above), very similar in flavour to the bushy, small leafed basil of southern Europe, Bai Munglack which is often called lemon basil because of its lemon scent, Bai Kaprow, called hairy basil because of the tiny hairs which cover the stems of the plant. This basil has by far the strongest flavour and then there is Bai Chan with an aroma which reminds one of nutmegs and cloves.

The Horapa is often used in curries, like Geang Phed or the hot curry, the Krapow in the so-called "Pad Bai Krapow" or stir fired dishes with lots of chilli and for instance pork, chicken, clams or game. It is probably the combination of the small bird chillies and the Bai Krapow which causes everybody to gasp for breath and sneeze when a "Pad Bai Krapow" is pre-pared. Just the same, it is a fav-ourite of Thai cuisine.

Recipe 1:

Hoi lai pad bai krapow.

Clams stir fried with chillies,
garlic and hairy basil

Take a few cloves of garlic, do not peel, and a bunch of small bird chillies or Prik Kee Noo. How much is "up to you" as the Thais often say. The hotter the better. Smash these items with the flat side of a cleaver on the Formica table top or on another suitable surface, like a chopping board and chop them roughly.

Soak your clams in clear sea water before use, which has usually already been done in the market. This is to get rid of any mud in the shells. Discard the ones that are dead which you will easily spot because they do not react and close their shells when touched.

Heat a little oil in a wok over a blazing fire and have your clams ready for action. Add the chopped garlic and chillies to the oil and sauté (stir fry) quickly, add the clams and a generous amount of Bai Krapow (hairy basil leaves) as well as a dash of Nam Plah (fish sauce) to taste. Stir again until all the clams have opened and you’re about to suffocate. The whole process should not take more than a few minutes. Serve immediately, as an appetiser or with the rice.

Bai Munglack, the lemon basil, a wonderful delicate herb, is especially good with fish dishes.

Recipe 2:
Steamed fish with lemon grass and lemon basil.

Buy a fresh fish. Preferably a small grouper (Plah Gauw) or white sea bass (Plah Kapong Kao). Clean it thoroughly, place on a platter or in a shallow dish, cover with shredded lemon grass and lemon basil leaves. You may add some dry white wine and, of course, Nam Plah. Or salt if you prefer. Steam or microwave until done. One of my favourites and beneficial for those with an upset stomach.

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Dear Hillary,
Sometimes, if my husband’s office telephone is constantly busy, I’ll send him a fax. I recently sent him a fax marked "private" in which I complained about my housemaid. That evening, one of his secretaries, who hardly speaks English but has the same name as my house maid, came to my house and started to insult me. She asked me what right I had to talk bad about her - it went so far that she almost tried to attack me bodily. I could only prevent it by showing her my fax again and explaining to her that it was not she who I meant when complaining to my husband. She left with a brief "Solly" and told me she cannot read English too good. I admit I was quite furious about that incident and told my husband about it after he came home from work.

My question now is: is it normal for a secretary to be allowed to read private letters? I think this is very bad behavior and something should be done about it. It makes me wonder if the young generation has no manners at all - or is it only the typical curiosity of Thai people?
Private Letter

Dear Private Letter,
To make a private letter really private, it has to be sealed. A fax is an open form of communication and practically everyone who passes the fax-machine can read it. Of course, good manners would dictate not reading a fax marked "private" - just pass it on to the person it is meant for. But what do you expect? People are people all over the world. Curiosity has nothing to do with nationality. I am certain almost anyone who sees a fax would read it, no matter if it says private or not.

The bad part of your story is that the young lady showed up at your house and insulted you. Even though she was angry or maybe afraid of losing her job, thinking you had talked bad about her, it was definitely the wrong move. She should have called you and asked politely what you meant by writing her name. I hope your husband did something about it after you told him. Those are things one should not be quiet about, or else it might get out of hand.

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  Thai Idiom: Blur

To be unable to think

‘Interesting. That sounds like the English word, ‘blur’.
‘It does.’
‘I wonder how it entered the Thai language.’
This does come from the English word ‘blur’
Blur: difficulty in concentrating due to fatigue or absent-mindedness.
‘Why did you forget to lock the door?’
‘Blur.’
‘Oh.’
‘Why can’t you think of an idiom this week?’
‘Blur’
‘Oh.’
Even though this word is English in origin, it must be pronounced on a mid-tone.

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